(Closed) He hurt me and I feel guilty

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
14 posts

My fiance swore at me once while we were dating, and it was the last time. He honestly didn’t understand why it was such a big deal at the time (and I didn’t bother demanding an apology because he wouldn’t have done it if he knew how I felt).


I explained to him that when he swore at me, while to him it’s just a way of getting the frustration out, what I hear is “I hate you, susieqtpi, and I never want to be around you again.” I don’t think he realized that’s what it meant to me until I told him. Sometimes people are socialized to mean different things with words, and that inevitably creates problems.

Post # 19
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wedding planning is stressful, let along a LTD plus deployment. I understand why ur Fiance blurted out the expletive. It is important to let him know that a verbal apology is important to you if that is indeed the case. Men are often oblivious to what women need/feel or how women react to their actions.

As for editting guest list, it would be the same as any other wedding tasks that require his involvement. Wedding planning to men is like scrubbing the toilet, they will avoid it at all cost but do enjoy and take advantage of the beneft of a clean toilet. You should just email him a list of tasks with deadlines. If he doesn’t get back to him by this so-and-so date, you will take the liberty to edit the list urself with the consultation of his mom. He will have about 1 week to re-edit/revise your edited list. In the absence of his comments, u’ll then proceed with the guest list as it is. Also let his mom know that u’ll need the addresses be this so-and-so date & no invitations will be sent to those without addresses. You will also not bear the burden of any changes past the so-called deadline (e.g. financial or labor). Good luck!

Post # 20
365 posts
Helper bee

Aww sucks, there’s a lot of pressure going on with both sides here.  He gets out of line, apologises, you didn’t ignore it.  But whatever you do, do NOT let him spin this back onto you.  You have no reason to feel guilty.  I hate to be a cynic, but if you let him make you feel guilty about HIM being rude to you then you could start a terrible cycle.  Don’t allow him to flip it back onto you, you’ve done nothing wrong.

I hope he stays safe in Iraq and you two can have a beautiful wedding.  If he was slack with the guestlist then grab it from his mum and just edit it yourself.  I’ts not like you didn’t give him the chance.  Plus, if you knock out everyone you don’t know then you can save some $$! 😀

Post # 21
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

weddings can be stressful for everyone.  I hope you guys make up soon.

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