(Closed) He is the one who wants the big wedding

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sherryberry: I’m pretty sure you can have a nice wedding and still incoporate what you both want with $3,000. Sounds like a discussion you and Fiance need to work out between the two of you. As long as you are both on different pages, nothing will be resolved.


Post # 4
2893 posts
Sugar bee

That’s frustrating. My guy is the same way. All his friends come from moderately wealthy families, so when it came time to marry they all had weddings of the 100K variety. He’s used to going to a wedding and it being the party of the century. And that’s what he wants. Where he’s going to get the money? I have no idea. Maybe he’s a rockefeller and we never knew it. 🙂 But I’ve told him multiple times that I would be thrilled with a courthouse wedding and dropping the couple thousand on a kick a$$ honeymoon. But the look of disappointment and the “but my mom would be devastated if we didn’t have a real wedding” line kills me. At least we aren’t getting married soon.

But I get it. It’s hard for a guy to understand that maybe the girl doesn’t want to be made into a princess on her wedding day. Were you being very black and white with your words when you talked about it? Not, “That sounds nice but I think I’d like a park better,” but, “If you want to drop 10K on something, let’s do it on an amazing honeymoon. I’d be sick if we spent 5K on flowers alone just for a single celebration.” 🙂

Post # 5
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with wanting the honeymoon to be more of a finacial priority than the reception – claireos says it pretty well – “If you want to drop 10K on something, let’s do it on an amazing honeymoon. I’d be sick if we spent 5K on flowers alone just for a single celebration.”

I’ve been to 2 weddings since Jan 1, one was a simple church-afternoon lunch with cake an sparkling cider, and the other was catered in te kinda ritzy cafe in an art gallery, but it was kept small.  Both of those look to be abot what I could handle.  I’m actually a little afraid of the MEGA-wedding coming in June with about 250 people attending, and a bride from a large, well-off family who seems to want everything to be perfect (the bigger it is, the more that can go wrong) and I’m actually worried about her in the days leading up to it.  Big weddings are a LOT of work, even if you don’t have to worry about the expenses. 

Also, men don’t often realize how much planing goes into a wedding, small or large.  Maybe your SO needs a bit of a practical wake up about how much time and energy goes into a large, lavish wedding.  Maybe a “chore” list split between the two of you, with plenty put on his plate, could help him see that it’s not just pick a place, pick a cake and throw on a tux and you’re done – you’ve got to pick who can come, how many people to feed, seating arrangements to prevent aunti-so and so from continuing the blood feud with uncle so and so, where guests can stay, when to do it, where to do it, can you even reserve the place you want or is it booked, how many in the bridal party – bridesmaids AND groomsmen, ushers, flower girls, ring bearers, are there split and blended family issues to consider… etc.  At the wedding this weekend, my friend the groom walked his grandparents, his mom and step-dad AND his step-mom and dad all down the aisle.  He had to do a lot of walking, there, simply because his family was non-traditional.  Men think it’s just pick a dress, pick a tux, grab some flowers the day before and you’re set.  I’ve seen lots of ladies on the Bee talking about how surprised their FIs are when told it ca tkae 6 mos or so just to get the dress to fit. 

I’m sure whatever you decide it will be beautiful, and it’s a good time to learn how well you can compromise for the rest of your life 🙂



Post # 6
3303 posts
Sugar bee

My Fiance wants the big wedding so we are saving up. If it were me, we would have went to the JOP a week after he proposed. But I don’t mind the big wedding also as long as we can pay for it.

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