(Closed) He is too good for me (and his family thinks so, too).

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

zippy85:  I did not actually see anything in your post where anyone in your FIs family told you OR him they did not think you were “good enough” so I was suprised to see posts jumping on his family for their attitude when it seems like you just “feel” like they judge you. Are you sure they are critical of your background, or is this your own insecurity raring up? 

Others have already said it, but whether you are “good” for someone comes down to your character (ie are you kind, respectful, loving, supportive), your personality (do they work together), and how you fit together as a couple. Those are things that cannot be measured by where you went to school or your career (unless you have made a career out of something like serial murder!).

Post # 17
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough or pretty enough to be with my fiancé. I’m in my early twenties and he just turned 30. He makes a pretty good income for someone who didn’t go to school, and I’m very proud of him because he works hard. I’m still going to school part time and work full time at a job that earns 21k! So I don’t feel like I can contribute as much as I would like to in our future. sometimes I also feel that he is too good looking for me. He’s fit, kind, and a social butterfly while I’m short, could lose more than a few pounds and tends to be shy around people. He does always reassures me that if he loves me and he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. 

i guess at the end of the day, you have to realize that you are a great catch too. And that he is lucky to have someone like you. We all have our insecurity but we can’t let that ruin the relationship and your confidence in ourselves.

Post # 18
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

Bee,please listen to me carefully..over 60% of Americans do not have a Bachelor’s degree (Santorum claims 70%). You are way ahead of the curve.

Men and women value different things.Men value how you make them FEEL – nothing to do with what kind of school you graduated from.If your boyfriend cared terribly that you aren’t an Ivy League grad,then I would have to question a few things about him.Thank God he does not.Finishing school is hard and takes commitment and you did that.Stop undervaluimg yourself on your head because your insecurities will show.Trust that you are enough else you will try to overcompensate and it will be a turnoff.Excellent family – but you carry around your own kind of excellence.

Post # 19
Member
48 posts
Newbee

When Kate Middleton was engaged to Prince William, people lost their minds over the “Royal Wedding.” I’m American and I even had coworkers call in sick to their jobs so they could watch it. Women across the globe were jealous or happily living vicariously through Kate. During the engagement and preparations for the wedding, people commented on how lucky Kate was. A journalist even asked her, “how does it feel to be marrying into royalty? You must feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”

And do you know what she DIDN’T say? “I will work hard to be worthy of him and his family.”  She smiled and SAID, “He’s lucky to be marrying me!” and then laughed.

My point is that we assign our own worth.

Your fiance sounds like a great guy, but he’s not royalty 😉 and he’s not perfect. The only thing that matters is that your fiance sees how wonderful and worthy you are of his love. YOU need to feel and BELIEVE that you are worthy of his love too, because you are.

Worth doesn’t come from being a lawyer or jock or having money. It comes from respecting and loving yourself and being a good person.

Post # 20
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

The only things his family should care about: that you love, respect, support, and are faithful to your Fiance and make him happy!

In case your Future Father-In-Law didn’t notice, no matter where you went to college, your degree, how much money you make etc, we all end up either in the ground or as ashes lol.

Tell your Fiance to stand up for you, and never be ashamed of who you are! Your story is very respectable!

ETA: FWIW, I was in a similar situation. I’m a college grad and had a decent job. My Fiance never went to college (and did poorly in HS) but makes waaay more than me! At first I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for him and should’ve been doing better for myself, but my Fiance has always been supportive of me and loved me regardless of what I do/how much I make. Eventually you just have to trust that your Fiance loves you for you, that’s why he’s marrying you! It doesn’t matter what his family thinks, tbh. He’s a grown man and can make his own choices. 

Post # 21
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Church

zippy85:  You have such wonderful qualities and the most important thing is love you share and how you treat one another. We all are the same and it doesn’t matter what size our bank accounts are but the size of our heart. Keep your head up and be proud of who you are and the job that you do. It doesn’t matter what your job title is as long as you’re happy doing it. I am kinda in the same boat and there are times when I am around my future in laws and I  want to cry. But I remind myself, this day will pass. 😃 If people can’t love you and accept you for who you are, it’s their loss. 

Post # 22
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

My SO likes to tell everyone that he is ‘batting out of his league’ in dating me. Which I don’t feel is true for a second.

We come from a similar middle class upbringing, but I have a couple of degrees and graduate qualifications, where as he did a mechanics apprenticeship and worked on the family farm. He still makes more than me and has more in assets. Looks wise we are fairly even; but I think he is a bit more handsome than I am attractive (he is a 10/10 to me either way!) Socially I probably have a few more friends, but we are fairly similarly placed. He is more easy going than me, he is the least selfish person I know, generous to a fault and would do anything for me, his family and his close friends. This is so much more important.

So his logic is based on something totally irrelevent in life, in my opinion. Having an extensive education doesn’t make me a better person, just as having more money in the bank doesn’t make him one. 

There are SOOO many more important things to be, and if your mans family think otherwise, then they are idiots. Which by the way, you have given no indication is what they actually think! 

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