- 3 years ago
I have known ex Fiance for 7 years. Been with him a decent portion of those 7 – one break up in between.
I always kind of mothered him. I feel after the honey moon phase wore off – he was withdrawn a lot. Maybe that was drugs, kind of hard to tell. He would rarely be intimate with me. Voicing concerns was “bitching” and “nagging.” I can’t tell you guys how many times he would just take off and shut his phone off and leave me hanging.
I always had this fantasy that he would clean up his act and we could have a nice life. A simple life. Maybe buy a small house and enjoy our family, our dogs. In this fantasy, he would be responsible with money. He would listen to me.
It has been a good 6 weeks that we have essentially been broken up, but under the same roof. The first month he would storm away from me when I tried to talk to him about rehab, about fixing us. When he saw that I finally threw in the towel and started making arrangements to move, then he started caring. He is begging and pleading. Crying his eyes out.
Another sort of “come to Jesus moment” for me was one night 2 weeks ago I went to a bar with my best friend and there I met a guy and we just talked. We talked about everything. Politics, our animals, relationships, music. I forgot all of my worries for a little while.
I went home and kept thinking about how good it felt to have a conversation with someone. ex Fiance is stunted in that area. For example, my parents love to entertain and one of my favorite things to do is enjoy good food and wine and sit around the table and talk. He was never capable of that. He was always on his phone or outside smoking a cigarette. He always wanted to leave a short while after we got there.
So I guess what I am trying to understand is what is wrong with me that I loved someone for so long that I am not really compatible with. The drug use and lying and borrowing money is a huge problem but I could stick it out if that was the ONLY problem. I think.
As he sits there and begs me I feel myself getting weak. I have entertained staying. He wants me to give another chance. I am pretty paralyzed at the moment. I have an apartment to go look at. A dog to re home. I feel almost like this is all too much.
Bees, I know no one can tell me the right choice. But how come I am so confused? Is this a sign I should be listening to?