(Closed) He is wishy washy about money and the ring

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

jalapenocupcake:  He checked his finances and will have more difficulty than he thought managing that price?

Post # 3
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

jalapenocupcake:  He’s probably just now processing what exactly is happening. It’s easy to say you can spend “x” amount of dollars on something, but when it comes to big purchases like that, especially when trying to put money away for a house, it’s understandable that he could get cold feet about shelling out that kind of cash. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  onthefritz.
Post # 4
Hostess
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

jalapenocupcake:  Did you ask him this question?  Depending on his answer, it might make more sense to just go back to the original rings you were interested in so that way you can have the style you want and he can get it at a price point that’s more comfortable.

Post # 6
Hostess
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

jalapenocupcake:  Yes, and I think that’s awesome of you!  I was only asking if when he showed it to you, you asked him why he was going to another cheaper style when you guys had decided on the other one.  Knowing his answer to that question will help you understand his motivations and why he keeps going back and forth.

Post # 8
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

jalapenocupcake:  Rather than tell him “you can get me something less expensive” and risk him getting you a ring he thinks is the same (but it’s got huge differences like center stone shape), I think you should tell him how sweet it was to want to look for more expensive rings but that you really have your heart set on one of these three rings you looked at originally. Don’t even make it about him now wanting to spend less – just make it more about going back to your original choices so that he spends less and you get a ring you like. 

Post # 10
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

jalapenocupcake:  most places can get you the same ring you saw with a smaller diamond ( which will cost less) and still keep it in the same shape you want 

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I agree with previous posts; it does sound like sticker shock from here.

If you’re interested in pushing for the less expensive rings again, it might help if you switch from saying “you can get me something less expensive” to “you should get me something less expensive”, as long as that’s how you feel. He might not realize just how willing you are to take a less expensive ring! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

What about showing him several rings you like at different price points?

Post # 14
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

I think some men feel pressured to get an expensive ring, even if it’s not in a price range they honestly feel comfortable with. There’s so much talk to men about how the engagement ring should be at least 3 months worth of their salary, I think that gets into some of their heads, which makes them more hesitant about even buying one because they’re split between what they would want to pay, and what they’re expected to pay (even when you tell them you want a cheaper one). My boyfriend always thought I was just trying to be nice by saying I wanted a cheaper ring and that I didn’t want a diamond (I told him I would be happy with cubic zirconia). He would say “no I want to get you a nice diamond so you can show it off” and stuff like that. But when I saw him looking at rings online, I could tell he was kind of surprised with the prices but trying to make himself be OK with it. He purchased me a ring already, but I have not seen it so I honestly don’t know which route he went with, but I’ll be happy either way! 

Maybe he also thinks you’re just “settling” by asking for a less expensive ring?

Or you could do what my hairdresser did. She went to an antique store that had a ring she really liked (it was some kind of big gem, don’t know the name) for only $600 and put it on “hold”. She was going to put it under her name but they ended up putting it under his name. So when she went back home to him she just told him the ring was on hold and he just had to go pay for it and propose when he wanted. Of course, they had already talked about getting engaged/married though, this wasn’t out of the blue! I thought that was appropriate for their situation, and she sure did save him a lot of time and headache. 

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