(Closed) He just confuses me.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

So I want to preface my advice by saying that (obviously) every relationship is different. When I was waiting (in the not so distant past) I found it very hard to keep quiet about how I was feeling. And I dont think I should have had to. After a while I gave up on being quiet and just expressed my feelings. Of course you should try not to pester your SO. But I also don’t think it’s fair if you don’t even know where the relationship is headed. When you talk to him about the future, try to keep thing calm and stay level-headed.

If I were you, I would try to bring the topic up again. Explain calmly why getting engaged/married is important to you (stability, commitment, whatever it is). And let him know that it’s hard for you when you don’t know where things are going. If you are okay with staying with him and not getting married, that is one thing.. but if marriage is important to you then you’ll have to sit down with him again. After you talk to him, maybe you can get a timetable of when he might propose. After that, try to stay calm about it and give him time to work on a ring and proposal.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I completely and utterly understand where y9ou feel you are coming from on this..I’m now 29 divorced with two kids and in the waiting game again with my current SO.

 

I’ve read article, books, advice online, chatted my friends ears off.  I do not know what or why it is but after 2 1/2 years I’m absolutely obsessed and like you afraid of pushing him into a corner.  I wonder if we were living together if I would still feel as   “obsessed” if it is a comfort security thing I’m seeking from him. He has mentioned us getting married one day to his parents but his timeline and mine are way off..

 

If I were you I would give this time because you don’t want to push Mr Right into the corner where he is looking to jump however you also want the ball in your court.  After sometime of course I think approaching would be nice but just do this in a manner that doesn’t sound like it will put him in the defensive.  I don’t know if I’d suggest a timetable because that to me sounds like an ultimatum, but I would start showing him various things of what life without you would be like.  I’m not saying avoid and not have date nights but make sure your own independence is well established and your friendships are strong and continuing to develop with your friends.  PMA Positive mental attitude!

Post # 5
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@PinkBubbleGum:I definitely agree.  I don’t think you should keep completely quiet about what you want out of the relationship.  It’s not fair to you.  I’m not saying that you should try to rush him into anything, but if marriage is important to you then he needs to know that.  I don’t believe in waiting endlessly for ANYONE.  There’s a difference between having a discussion and nagging.  I don’t see any harm in having a conversation about it.

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