Post # 1
I will try to make this short bees 🙂
I have been with my SO for 4 years. We’ve always talked like we would be together forever, but about a year and a half ago I asked him when he thought we might get engaged. He said at least two years because he wasn’t financially stable and just not ready at that time as he was 22. I wasn’t “obsessed” with getting engaged at the time and so I didn’t push it. I didn’t mention it that much until last spring. All of a sudden it was all I could think about and talk about. I knew it was annoying him, but I just couldn’t shut up. In one of our conversastions he said “we’re going to be together anyway, the wedding would be for you” He would be totally fine if we went to the court house and got married.
We got in a heated argument one thing led to another and he said he didn’t know if ever wanted to get married. He wished I would have let him do everything when he was ready and that I needed to learn patience. Well, that was about two months ago and I’ve not said a thing about rings/weddings since. He used to tell people I was “the wife” when we were at his family functions and things, but he hasn’t since “the fight”. He did refer to himself as “my husband” the other day when I was calling the auto shop about my car. He said “tell them your husband said it was this…” He’s staring to act like his old self, but I am going crazy not knowing what he’s thinking and I am not asking.
I found this site and realized that I should have listened to him when he gave me a timeline and been “patient”. I’ve been dying inside every since, but haven’t let him know it. I’ve tried really hard to be my upbeat happy self and I think it might be working. He’s made a couple of comments about houses. We looked at one back in the summer and he’s mentioned it off handed twice in the last week wondering if it sold and blah blah. I was very nonchalant and said i didn’t know. I kinda of get the feeling he’s been thinking about things, but I don’t know if he is or I am looking for signs. He asked me to give him a Christmas list because he didn’t know what to get me. I put three small items on it and and that was all. I know I am no where near getting a ring, but I think he wondered what I would put on it.I’ve analyzed the whole thing to death and it’s driving me crazy.
Sorry this is so long. Any opinions bees?
Post # 3
So I want to preface my advice by saying that (obviously) every relationship is different. When I was waiting (in the not so distant past) I found it very hard to keep quiet about how I was feeling. And I dont think I should have had to. After a while I gave up on being quiet and just expressed my feelings. Of course you should try not to pester your SO. But I also don’t think it’s fair if you don’t even know where the relationship is headed. When you talk to him about the future, try to keep thing calm and stay level-headed.
If I were you, I would try to bring the topic up again. Explain calmly why getting engaged/married is important to you (stability, commitment, whatever it is). And let him know that it’s hard for you when you don’t know where things are going. If you are okay with staying with him and not getting married, that is one thing.. but if marriage is important to you then you’ll have to sit down with him again. After you talk to him, maybe you can get a timetable of when he might propose. After that, try to stay calm about it and give him time to work on a ring and proposal.
Post # 4
I completely and utterly understand where y9ou feel you are coming from on this..I’m now 29 divorced with two kids and in the waiting game again with my current SO.
I’ve read article, books, advice online, chatted my friends ears off. I do not know what or why it is but after 2 1/2 years I’m absolutely obsessed and like you afraid of pushing him into a corner. I wonder if we were living together if I would still feel as “obsessed” if it is a comfort security thing I’m seeking from him. He has mentioned us getting married one day to his parents but his timeline and mine are way off..
If I were you I would give this time because you don’t want to push Mr Right into the corner where he is looking to jump however you also want the ball in your court. After sometime of course I think approaching would be nice but just do this in a manner that doesn’t sound like it will put him in the defensive. I don’t know if I’d suggest a timetable because that to me sounds like an ultimatum, but I would start showing him various things of what life without you would be like. I’m not saying avoid and not have date nights but make sure your own independence is well established and your friendships are strong and continuing to develop with your friends. PMA Positive mental attitude!
Post # 5
@PinkBubbleGum:I definitely agree. I don’t think you should keep completely quiet about what you want out of the relationship. It’s not fair to you. I’m not saying that you should try to rush him into anything, but if marriage is important to you then he needs to know that. I don’t believe in waiting endlessly for ANYONE. There’s a difference between having a discussion and nagging. I don’t see any harm in having a conversation about it.
Post # 6
Thanks for all the advice! I am going to talk to him about it again, but not right now. I want to give it a few months. He knows how I feel and I am backing off seeing what happens.