(Closed) He just doesn’t understand how hard it is for me to say “no”.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

:[ i feel ya. i’m in a LDR and sometimes you just get hit with those inopportune times when you’re trying to have a convo, especially during the day. FH goes to bed earlier than me so I have to stop what I’m doing and go curl up in bed and talk with him. Sometimes one or both of us will be driving home from work and traffic will make us distracted. It happens to everyone, I’m glad you’re not going to hold it against your man.

Post # 4
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

Props for standing up for yourself! Don’t let anyone take advantage of you because you are too nice/anxious to say no.

Post # 5
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Even without a LDR, I know sometimes I have to curb my first response when we discuss our days. It’s difficult to keep the daily frustrations (work, family, traffic, etc) out of the picture when we’re together. I can only imagine that’s compounded by not being together in the same room. I guess I don’t have advice beyond saying I understand.

Post # 6
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

My guy does the same thing sometimes and it is irritating, so I let him do the talking. ( I hate talking on the phone anyway)  Good for you, saying no to someone. I used to have the same problem. I wouldn’t feel bad, they were probably asking everyone or figured you would say yes. If that person is always taking off its her problem not yours. Was it in your job description to cover for ___when they decide to blow off work? If not, i’d say move on, you can’t get in trouble for someone else being irresponsible.

Post # 7
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

First of all, great job on standing up at work! Honestly, I think any person can get away with saying ‘sorry, I can’t do that extra work right now.’ without it really affecting your job, so I defnitely wouldn’t worry there. I think you are fine, and it is a great thing you did! I am kind of like you in that way. I often let others walk over me and can’t say no. But lately I’ve been making an effort to stand up for myself more and more, and I can tell you that it gets easier! So keep it up!

Now on to your, Fiance, my guy and I were in an LDR for the first 8 months or so of our relationship, and I totally remember how hard that was. It’s so hard to communicate from far away even on the phone. I say, just let it go for the time being and the next time you get a chance to talk to him, maybe bring it up that you need a bit more support about things like that. From the sounds of it, in the past he has been super supportive for you, so maybe this time he was just distracted with driving. I know I hate talking to my guy while he driving. He cannot concentrate on both driving and me at the same time. lol.

Good luck to you! I’m sure you guys will work it out 🙂

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Awesome job standing up for yourself! I am the same way and I’ve started learning that when you stand up for yourself, people usually respect you more.

Post # 9
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve had the same thing happen, he calls and I go into a lengthy story only to get one word responses. Then I find out that the reason is he was just ringing to say a quick “Hi” and didn’t have the time or mind set to concentrate on a long conversation. It sucks but sometimes we aren’t on the same communitive page. Just take a deep breath and let it go.

We on the Bee are proud that you stood up for yourself and you should be to. He will be proud later when he’s had a chance to digest it all. 

 

Post # 11
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Keep in mind that a man’s way of resolving something is usually by dropping it and letting it go. It’s not wrong, it’s just different. I had a lot of problems with guys before I realized this. Your fiance is probably trying to help, not trying to be unloving. However, he does need to be sensitive to your need for sympathy and your need to discuss things. I would kindly let him know that you would greatly appreciate it if he’d try to be more sympathetic, and explain that you feel unloved when he simply drops a topic instead of talking about it and sympathizing with you. God bless ( :

Post # 12
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Good for you, standing up for yourself and refusing to be taken advantage of.  And for not blowing up at your Fiance.

Maybe later, when you’re both in a position to have a longer, more leisurely chat, you can let him know that it means a lot to you when he’s supportive and that you were a little confused by his response to the incident.

 

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