Post # 1
I found my way to this site when my SO started talking about marriage (and admitted he’s been dreaming up ways to propose for MONTHS!). I’ve been so pleased to interact with you ladies – I love this community, and I hope some of you will be kind enough to offer your support.
The thing is, I’ve always known my SO was very close to his mom, and I’ve been pretty concerned about how invasive she’s been in our relationship. For example, he’s canceled plans with me whenever she wanted his attention, and he even interrupted our date on Valentine’s Day in order to call her! He’s an amazing, thoughtful, loving man, and I really tried to be understanding of their deep bond (he’s an only child of a divorced mom), and I’ve tried to be patient and allow him the time he needed to start making a place for me in his life. We’ve been together about a year. Signs were looking good for us – he agreed to move out of her house (he’s 27), and he even signed a lease on an apartment and moved in this weekend. Unfortunately, when his mom expressed her disapproval, he decided to break the lease and break up with me – apparently, he feels that being in a relationship with me is hurting his mom too much.
Ladies, please give me some girl-love! I KNOW that I’ve probably dodged a bullet (and that I probably would have stayed second-place in his affections as long as our relationship lasted), but I’m having trouble anyway – I’ve been crying for hours. Does anyone have any advice? Or stories of past breakups and how you’re better off now?
Post # 3
Wow. Just wow. Hugs!!!
You doged a bullet there I think
Post # 4
total bullet dodged. mommas boys make me ill! I’ve dated enough to know they do not make good partners in life – you’ll never be #1 in his eyes. It’s nice for a man to be close to his mother but there is a difference between that and a momma’s boy. Feel better hun – onto bigger and better things now!
I know it feels right now that you will be sad forever but you won’t. In fact, you will feel better much sooner than you think! Delete him from your phone/email/facebook, etc. Cut contact completely – it will make it impossible to get over it if you don’t. Surround yourself with family and friends and spend time doing things for yourself that you haven’t done in a while becausae you’ve been busy focusing your attention on your relationship – take a cooking class, learn how to do something new, take up a new hobby. You’ll soon learn to be independent and single again – and it will feel AWESOME!
Post # 5
be glad that you only had to spend one year with him to realize what you do not want in a relationship 🙂
Post # 6
@imalittlebirdie: Agreed. Be happy that you won’t have to deal with such a dependent guy. Your man needs to be on your team, not his mother’s.
Post # 7
Tell him to have fun with that umbilical cord, and make this crisis into an opportunity for yourself. Now it’s time to go explore new and interesting things that maybe you have always wanted to do, but never had the time to. I love telling people to seek meetup.com because you can literally find ANYTHING you’re interested in on it, and pursue a hobby, and meet new interesting people.
If he can’t commit to anyone but Mommy, it’s best he recognized his inability to function as a normal adult.
Post # 8
Thanks so much, all! I really appreciate your support! And you’re right, Ellebot, I know I should be grateful that I didn’t waste MORE time on this man – I can’t imagine how much worse I would feel if he had strung me along for years before dropping this bombshell on me!
@MrsWBS: Thanks for the advice. I’ve been purging my facebook of photos of us, and removing all the detritus of our relationship from my apartment (cards he’s given me that are hanging on the fridge, a canvas of the two of us mounted in my living room, a framed picture of us on my nightstand) – but packing away those reminders isn’t exactly helping me stop the tears! I like the idea of planning to keep busy – there are definitely some girlfriend relationships that have fallen to the back burner while I’ve been int his relationship, and I hope I can invest more energy into my friend network. 🙂
Post # 9
@StuporDuck: I’ve never tried meetup.com! I’ll check it out, thank you!
Post # 10
I dated a mama’s boy once. Thankfully we were only together for a few months before this surfaced. The first time I met his mom she talked my ear off about her kitchen appliances (no joke) for an hour and then told him that she thought I was cold because I didn’t interject with anecdotes about myself (well who interrupts someone pontificating about kitchen appliances to talk about themselves – at least ask me some questions, you’d think you’d be interested). Him and I had both thought the meeting went well until I left and his mother told him what she thought of me. He then proceeded to tell me every single thing she’d said and had the gall to tell me he was ‘disappointed in me.’ I ended it with him and a few days later he came crawling back for forgiveness professing his love and how he didn’t realize how much he’d miss me and I was ‘the one.’ We didn’t get back together.
The point is, in the end, they aren’t going to be happy choosing their moms over their girlfriends, but that’s their cross to bear. I know it feels like life is ending but for real you seriously dodged a bullet. I know that sounds trite, but try to picture a life of needing to make adult decisions, plan a wedding, have children, career, etc. with his mom as the third wheel in your relationship. You are going to move on to find someone who puts you first in life and truly wants to build a life with YOU and not with you and mom. *hugs*
Post # 11
oh wow. just.. wow. i can’t believe he’s 27 y/o and broke up with his gf to move back in with his mom bc the adult relationship he was in was hurting his mom too much
you’re so lucky right now, trust me. TRUST me, you’re so lucky that this ended sooner rather than later.
go find yourself a real man. one who has a strong bond with his mom, but not one who is controlled by her or who will find any woman to be second place to his mom for the rest of his life..
sorry that you had to wait this long to figure this out.. time heals all wounds, we’re here for you!
Post # 12
@star_dust: LOL! You gave me a desperately-needed chuckle – who interrupts someone pontificating about kitchen appliances, indeed! I wish I had that early warning sign – strangely enough, I think his mom actually liked me! He would tell me all the time how she was bragging to all her friends about what a wonderful girlfriend he had found. And she was really nice to me (at least to my face). But then again, she also couldn’t stand to share his attention (he had to celebrate all holidays alone with her – I wasn’t even allowed to join in his birthday party, or their July 4th picnic). So I think there was more going on beneath the surface that I wasn’t aware of – she must have been pushing back pretty hard whenever he suggested including me in those events, and he just wasn’t sharing that side of her with me (until now).
Post # 13
@futuremrsk18: Thanks! Yes, I’m trying to convince myself to jump back into dating sooner rather than later. Although at the moment, I’m afraid I might burst into tears if someone asks me the wrong thing! But maybe I’ve just got to be brave about getting back on the horse… 🙂
Post # 14
Aw I’m so sorry! I don’t know the situation perfectly, but I think it’s better that you’re not with him. You deserve someone who you will ultimately be very happy with! I was never a fan of huge momma’s boys. It’s nice that he loves and respects his mom, but geez, this is taking it too far.
Post # 15
I agree that this man, regardless of his age, does not seem anywhere near ready to make a commitment to “leave” his mother and “cleave” unto a wife. He doesn’t even seem to be able to be out on his own yet, let alone in a position to have a healthy relationship with someone else. I think had this relationship moved forward, you may have been a very unhappy woman.
Post # 16
27 years old and can’t leave his mom, despite being able to? Yeah, I’d definitely say you dodged a bullet.