(Closed) He just dumped me…. for his Mom!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 48
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so sorry sweetie but let me tell you a man like that can never be the man you need him to be. When they are controlled like that by their mother, they are not accertive and able to take care of their own family because you will always come second. 

Being a good son is very important but there is a time when that cord needs to b e cut and when that cord is cut, he tends to depend on you as if you were his mom. Its just not good. 

Post # 50
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@whydoesithurt:  You dont seem so heart broken, is part of you relieved that this happened because you were tired of his mama drama? lol

Post # 51
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@whydoesithurt:  Indulge your chocolate fixation, go out and have a girls night and remember that you just saved a ton of money for a wedding that ultimately you wouldnt have had a say so in. His mother would have high jacked it from you. Now my best advice.  Go out there and find your Magic Mike….well at least a Magic Mike who will only strip down for you.

Post # 53
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@whydoesithurt:  Uh, I actually feel bad for this poor fellow.  But realize there is nothing you can specifically do to help him.  He’s gotta get off his momma’s teet on his own.

Post # 54
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@whydoesithurt:  He might come back running because his mom wont give him what you did and if she does EWWWWW!!! 

Post # 56
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Woof. Mama’s boys are the worst. You definitely dodged a bullet! SMILE 🙂

Post # 57
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh yikes!  This guy sounds like he is waaaay too codependent on his Mom.  Consider it a bullet dodged and be thankful for the experience.  I’m sure he was a great guy, but you would have always been #2 in his life, whether now, in engagement or in marriage and that is not the life you want in a future marriage.

*hugs*  You need a girls night out, pronto!

Post # 58
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Bullet dodged OP!

I too dated a mama’s boy.  He wasn’t as bad as OP’s (he lived in a different state), but it was still bad.  She would find reasons to disapprove of every girl he dated (didn’t like me because of my ethnic background and the geographic location of my birth, but she also hated the girl before me who was of the same ethic background as her and was born in a “better” location).  My theory is that she was unhappy in her marriage, and was trying to have the connection with her son that she didn’t with her husband.  It was quite Oedipal.  My mom knew the situation, and was quite concerned.  She noted how I would always come in second to her, and that she would always rule the roost.  Yes, she would have had more of a say in matter like kids, etc., than I did, even though they would have been MY kids!  When we vacationed together, he got an international phone so she could stay in touch, and he had to check in with her at least 2x/day.  He was almost 30!!  And he couldn’t tell her he was with me as she would have flipped.  At one point, she called before we were going on a boat (an organized sight seeing boat with snorkeling, etc.), and after he told her what he was about to do, she had a complete fit and forbade him from going on the boat.  He agreed he wouldn’t go.  He did go on the boat, but it bothered me that he let his mom feel like she had that power over him, and that he refused to stand up to her.  As long as she felt like she had the power, she’d use it.  We were in Brazil, and she claimed that she was too worried about him to do anything else.  She said “I don’t even know where Brazil is, and you don’t speak Spanish!”  She was an accomplished scientist, but I guess she couldn’t be bothered to look at a map for a large land mass about the size of the US, or to know that they speak Portuguse rather than Spanish.  And he told me that he had full intent to call his mother on his honeymoon (and not just a quick check in after arriving safely).  After that trip, I really needed to take stock of the relationship.

I met DH about 4 months after I broke up with him.  DH loves his mother with his whole heart and would do anything for her, but it’s in a very sweet way, not remotely like the unhealthy relationship above.  At my bachelorette, one of my friends mentioned seeing my ex on the subway.  Another friend asked if he was still latched onto his mother’s tit.  It got one of the louder laughs of the nigher, at least until the wine kicked in ;-P

Post # 59
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

You can love your Mom…but don’t LOVE your Mom…you cry all you want to about it, that’s ok…fact is this guy will have a really hard time growing up unless his mother A. dies, B. is abducted by aliens or C. finds a man that isn’t her son to control and dominate….and you lucked out here baby, can you imagine what a mess that boy will be when that woman finally does pass away?  Uh-uh!  You deserve to be a priority, any man that can’t do that is just another bump in the road, keep on walking, the right one will come along.

Post # 60
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@whydoesithurt:  I’m so sorry you have to go through this. The truth is, he doesn’t deserve you. Grown men know how to cut the apron string. Unfortunately he is still cleaved to his mother’s busom. Women are stronger than men and better assert boundaries. I know this will not take the pain away but please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. God has a better plan for you. And it’s better you did not marry him because some men don’t know how to filter their mother out. I hope you find the strength to move on. Take time to yourself to recover and love yourself and get back on that dating horse 🙂 good luck!

Post # 61
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

This kind of relationship is not a healthy one and I would stay far away from both.

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