- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Oh, dear. Rant warning (or more like WAIL warning). Help
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years– we just had our 3-year being-together anniversary last week. We live together– have for almost 2 years. We recently had a conversation in which we told each other that we have both been thinking about marrying each other, but we figured it would probably be good to wait until I get out of grad school, in 2 years (if all goes well. . .). By that time I’ll be 27. I think I made it relatively clear that I want to get engaged sometime soon, but I really don’t know if I made myself clear enough. Recently, when I asked, he even said he’d spend some time looking at e-rings online with me, at some point. So. . . I think he knows???????????
Generally, we have a wonderful relationship and he’s pretty much everything I could ask for in a man. . . and he feels the same way about me. We’re both very emotionally cautious people, so discussing marriage meant a lot. But. . . read on. . .
He and his brother are starting a business selling supplements. AND, for %$#@”S sakes, they just got the whole thing rolling today by ordering $10,000 worth of product. They split it evenly. . . my BF had a bit over $5000 in his savings and he just spent all but $1000 on this business experiment!!!!! AAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!
I understand that it is probably a good investment and they have a plan that seems solid, and all start-up businesses are a gamble, but I’m freaked out by this. I’m not in good financial condition right now– going to school part-time and working at a crappy job and applying for lots of jobs in my field–and I’m sooooo stressed out about money. And he is pretty much working as a freelancer, so although he has good things lined up for the next few months, and has enough money to live on for a while, the lack of stability in both of our employment situations is super scary for me (before this fall, he’d always had a full-time job, and I’d always had part- or full-time work too).
I know I shouldn’t care how he spends his money, but we do live together. AND I desperately want to be making more progress towards getting engaged–looking at RINGS and maybe BUYING one. I want to get engaged before I go off to grad school, which will probably be in the fall, and I want some kind of solid commitment. (When we talked about thinking about marriage, he suggested that we be handfast, to do something about commitments before marriage. NO, I want to be ENGAGED. I USED to want to be handfast when the idea of marrige was still scary, but now I’m sure and I want progress!)
WHY is it always hobbies, crazy ventures, cars, blah blah blah, that guys spend huge sums of money on?? We’ve been supposedly planning on a big trip overseas for two years now, but something always comes up– usually lack of money for one of us. This year, it was that he lost his regular job and, since we figured he couldn’t afford the trip anymore, I went and spent a bunch of my travel savings on the class I’m taking right now, and other things to advance my career path. I don’t even want a giantly expensive ring– things I like would cost about the same as the video camera he bought last fall (grrrrr, can you tell I’m still irritated by that one?).
I’m just upset and miserable and anxious about it all right now. I’m tired of having things preventing us from doing our dream trip and, now it’s feeling like the same thing might happen with us getting engaged. I’m scared and sad and worried that we’ll never get engaged and married. And grossed out that in this one very important regard, I do not have any control over what happens to me. So. . . bees, you know how I feel. . . I’m so, so glad you’re out there!
Should I talk to him about this? Or will that just totally kill his excitement over his new business? I already reacted badly (grumpily and not very supportively) when he told me they’d ordered all the stuff today. I don’t want to be a nag but this is SO bugging me. What on earth should I say? Heeelp!!
Thank you for listening. :O