(Closed) he just won’t do it

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

If marriage is non-negotiable, then let him know. Tell him that this is your wish anddemand. Ask him if he thinks he can do what you want, if not, walk away no matter how hard it is. You deserve what you want.

If he says he can give what you want, then stop giving it for free. Do you live with him? Move out to our own apartment. Go out with your own friends. Find your own hobbies that make you happy. Stop living your life around him.

Post # 4
Member
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Agreed.  If your needs are not being met, it’s time to move on.

Post # 5
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you should have a serious discussion with him… put it all out there.  Find out where he sees you two in the next five years and compare it to your own plans.  If it doesn’t match and you two can’t figure out a reasonable compromise, I feel the best thing to do is part ways.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.  Neither of you should have to completely give up what you want in your life.  The most important thing right now, though, is communication… you both need to know what page the other is on.

Post # 6
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

As PP’s said. Communicate with him and be firm with your expectations. If he doesn’t have the same views or is wiling to grow into them, then you may want to think things through in regards to your relationship with him.

You could also propose to him, assuming that everything else is great except that one fact.

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you are NOT comfortable and are NOT getting what you feel you deserve from the realtionship, it’s definitely time to reevaluate.  Don’t stay with someone who cannot meet your needs. 

Post # 9
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

So… make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t get to dictate your life because he’s comfortable. Like PP’s said – talk to him. When he says he’s comfortable say” I’m not.” Don’t let him control the conversation, don’t give up and let him discourage you. It will make you bitter and resentful. And sadly, you can’t blame him for that. Speak your mind. Write it down if you need to. But Let. Him. Know. 

Post # 10
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry 🙁 I definitely second the notion of doing your own thing and stop letting him get so comfortable. He thinks that things are fine but they really are not. He should be told that you will not continue to be his girlfriend and not his wife. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and wants the same things. Talk to him in a calm, rational matter and see what he says. Pick a time when he’s relaxed and not stressed out becuase that will not be a good foundation for a serious conversation. Hear him out and stay true to yourself, don’t let him persuade you otherwise. Good luck *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Unfortunately, sounds like it’s time for an ultimatum. Sit down with him and tell him that you feel as though you’re wasting your time, and if he doesn’t want the same things you do, then you need to walk away. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams because they aren’t his. If he doesn’t want to be your husband, someone else will. Don’t sell yourself short!

Post # 12
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I agree with the PPs.  If he doesn’t want what you want there is no amount of wishing things were different that will change that.  I am sorry.

Post # 13
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell him what you want. Ask him what he wants. Compromise, negotiate – but never EVER give up on what you want just so he can 100% get what he wants.

If he loves you, he won’t find your needs unreasonable.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

You need to talk to him about this! If for whatever reason that is something that he isnt looking for, and you know that you want a marriage and you want to be a wife and have kids etc. Then you shouldnt settle for someone who isnt willing to give you that. I am all about compromise in relationships but I dont think you should compromise the vision of your life (giving up marriage) etc. the first step is talking to him but if he isnt and wont meet your needs then its time to walk away as painful as that may be. *hugs*

Post # 16
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

View original reply
@MeAndDubby: this! Stand up for yourself, and tell him what you expect out of him. If he tells you he does want to marry you, tell him he has x amount of time to move toward that goal, or you are leaving. I would wait for him to tell you exactly what you want to hear, only to once again disappoint you

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