(Closed) He keeps changing the ring budget…now there is no budget.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 33
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Gee. his ideal budget is $0????  I guess my response to that would be: “My ideal fiance ISN’T YOU!  Rethink your reply before I crack your ass the other way!”  I’m not one for losing her temper, but that was shitty, and when someone does something that shitty to someone they “love”, the ONLY response is something really childish and futile…cut all of his pants off at the knee and glue his shoes to the doormat….$0?  Are you kidding?

Post # 34
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@musician32992:  ok so your dream ring is not only extremely reasonably priced, it is BELOW any of the budgets you mentioned (6k, then 5k, then 3k). you sound like a DREAM. but i’m betting there’s more going on here– EITHER

1. you got excited and talked about wedding planning WAAAAAY too much or

2. your SO is cheaper than we all thought

or both? My idea would be to cut out talking about weddings altogether for a good bit so you can see which of these things is true. if he’s not a cheapie and he knows your dream ring is 2500, his heart will probably start chomping at him once his brain/male terror gets out of the way.

 

Post # 36
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@musician32992:  STOP SPOILING HIM.

Omg girl. Just stop.

This guy is a douchebag. $0 budget for your ring, he *knowingly* gives you crap gifts or doesn’t get you any at all (on Christmas, no less)…

JUST STOP.

Post # 37
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@musician32992:  ok so you are aware that you are getting the short end of the stick. I’m gonna be blunt here– do you truly believe that you are *worth* it? Like L’oreal style– do you believe you are *worth* your SO’s careful consideration? Bc it does not sound like you are getting that….

Post # 39
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like more of an asshole problem than a budget problem. He basically just said he didn’t want to bother buying a ring/proposing. Would you really be satisfied having to buy your own ring and not getting a proposal? That’s so lame (in this situation.) Does that even make it seem like he wants to marry you? 

The 3 months salary rule is bogus. Your dream ring of $2,500 is nowhere close to 3 months of his salary and it sounds like he could easily afford it. He just doesn’t care/doesn’t want to. Bullshit!

Post # 41
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@musician32992:  Ok I have sooooo been there and I am not judging. A few suggestions from a former self-hating bee. The big one, which you may have to work up to, is therapy. Just tell yourself you can quit anytime you want. It changed my life and it rules. Second, easy suggestion, the book “Act Like a Lady but Think Like a Man” by Steve Harvey– FUNNY, 90% true, and he hammers into you that you gotta have standards. Please feel free to PM me about either of these suggestions!!

Post # 42
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@musician32992: Well, I’m sorry you’re suffering with depression and self-esteem issues, that makes me sad! BUT your SO should be trying to help you work those issues out, and it sounds like he’s making them worse!! I’d totally re-evaluate the whole situation.

Post # 43
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

we all get wrappd up in the excitement and anticipation of getting engaged and married when we are in waiting… it seems like maybe you’re overwheming him with wedding stuff. it has only been 10 months since he gave you a promise ring. I would say if he were already ready to propose he wouldn’t have bothered with a promise ring and would’ve just waited and saved a few more months for an actual engagement ring.  back off the wedding talk with him and focus on just continuing to build on your relationship together.  

it’s like the episode of sex & the city…. this wedding stuff needs to be your SSB.  “Secret Single Behavior”  what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.  and you can still indulge a little bit.

i basically had half of our wedding planning ideas bookmarked on my computer and my Fiance had no clue. (and we live together)  once he proposed, i was able to start sharing these ideas with him and he loved that much of the work was already taken off his shoulders!

Post # 44
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@musician32992: Well now he’s got me thoroughly confused! Wants to propose but doesn’t think he should have to spend money on a ring. Hmmm…

Post # 46
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@musician32992: If you are an undergraduate student, perhaps your campus has a counselor? That could be a really good, affordable resource! Some therapists just don’t mesh well with certain personalities, but that doesn’t mean they’re all bad! 

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