(Closed) He keeps changing the ring budget…now there is no budget.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 48
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@musician32992:  totally– I had a hirrible therapist when I was younger so I was kicking and screaming inside when I went in. My girl was still getting her liscensing hours and they have a sliding scale so I’m not paying full price by any means. She is so different from what I thought…I could actually be friends  with her.  

Post # 49
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re still very young, you’ve only known him a year and a half, and you said just a few weeks ago that he’s not planning on proposing until after you’ve graduated college.

My advice (as someone who started dating my DH a month into my freshman year, and got engaged ~10 months after graduation)? BACK OFF the wedding talk and stop looking at rings. Honestly, stay off this site for a while. Enjoy your relationship and this wonderful man you’ve fallen in love with; grow together; really think critically about whether or not you are both ready to make such a huge decision. By all means talk about the future and marriage and your plans together! But leave the engagement and wedding stuff for later. Trust me, there is plenty of time. You have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on the here and now and start worrying about an engagment ring next year.

Post # 51
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

musician32992 – I agreed with the other bees, you need to talk to him and make him understand how important the ring is to you.  Have you talked about if he is gonna wear a wedding band after you guys are married? I decided with my then Fiance (now hubby) that we will roll our wedding bands into our wedding budget.  I would rather cut down on flowers and get ourselves a set of bands.  Make him understand that it’s a symbolic meaning.  You outta talk to him…don’t be afraid to do so, for god’s sake you are marrying this guy!

Post # 53
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@musician32992:  That’s the issue dear.  You don’t know how he’s going to propose with your current promise ring because HE’S NOT GOING TO.

He either wants you to be completely surprised and therefore is trying to mislead you or he doesn’t actually want to propose to you and is trying to get out of it.  You know him better than the rest of us.  Which one is it?

Post # 54
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think he wants to marry you right now, sorry.  If I were you I’d stop talking about weddings COMPLETELY for a long while.  Give him a chance to talk to you outside of the wedding planning and let him see why he fell in love with you in the first place.

 

My guy is super cheap, but he’s still saving up to get the ring I want.

Post # 57
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@musician32992: You’re still in college!!!! Stop the self-hate! You’ve got YEARS to figure out who you are and who you want to be. Just because your SO landed a job making $50k+ doesn’t mean he is super successful and gets to be all “holier than thou.” Not to be a jerk, but, I don’t consider a moderate salary (which $55k is, it’s nothing stellar) to be “really successful.” I consider being an all-around good, kind, compassionate, selfless person to be “really successful.” And it kinda sounds like he’s being selfish, so…

Post # 58
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@musician32992:  If you are honest with yourself,.. and I mean really honest with yourself, do you think that you feel that he has that vibe just from that comment?  We women tend to add things where things are not when we aren’t feeling quite ourselves.  I remember one time when my SO said he was taking a shower before bed (it was hot out and he’d been doing manual labor) I thought to myself that he was trying to subliminally tell me he thought I smelled funny or something.  Which he really was not. 

 

His comments threw you off a bit.  Your wedding planning is throwing him off a bit.  I think you both need to back away from the issue of a wedding and a ring and see if you can get back to your normal happy relationship.  My SO didn’t want to discuss ANYTHING wedding related with me until he started saving for the ring.  Now he brings it up and its open conversation.

Post # 60
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@musician32992:  you will be surprise…many of my guy friends do not like to wear a wedding band.  I told my Fiance from the get go that it’s not an option…he’s not a jewelry person either.  There’s alot of options out there and he can find himself a manly ring.  My hubby wears a white tungsten band and he loves it!  It was very affordable too.  Whatever it is…I really suggest that you guys talk this out.  Communicating – it’s a big part of marriage. 

Post # 61
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!! He should know that an engagement ring is a big deal and want to spend money on it.

 

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