(Closed) He keeps changing the ring budget…now there is no budget.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have to say that as someone who has been in a few very serious relationships one of the most important things I have learned is that that old saying that the right man/a man in love will move mountains to please his woman is really really true.  I hate to be a downer but that’s just my two cents.

Post # 63
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

@musician32992:  Is this serious?? You spoil Honeymoon but he flat out told you he wont buy a ring. Im sorry honey but you need to wake up and smell the roses. This guy sounds like a user. Of course he doesnt have to marry you…..hes getting everything he wants now!!!

Post # 64
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@jwdeldotto:  He’s refusing to buy HER an engagement ring, not refusing to wear a ring himself.

Post # 65
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Baal:  oh…I thought I read in one of the post that musician32992 is settling having him buy a wedding band for her.  And she said he is not willing to even buy her a wedding band.  So I was assuming that he isn’t gonna buy himself a wedding band too.  Oops.  I should have read to entire thread!   I got too worked up and feel bad for musician32992. 

Post # 66
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

@futuremrsk18:  This! I watched one of my sisters get engaged to a guy who spent about 5000 that month (he made excellent money at the time) on toys for himself and he only spent 500.00 on her ring. It was the most selfish thing I had ever seen! I’m so happy they ended because her ex Fiance was and still is a selfish jerk.

 

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@musician32992:  I don’t like this at all. Buy your own ring? That’s not your job girlie. Something isn’t right here. Is it possible you were pressuring him to spend more than 3 months or showing him rings at the top of his budget? Some guys take that as you wanting a ring more than the man. That may have freaked him out and started a fight where words like these got thrown around. I think we need to know what started this whole buy your own ring convo before we can give good advice.

Post # 69
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex H was exactly like this.  One of the many many reasons he is now my ex H.    If you do marry him, be prepared for NOTHING you want EVER being a priority to him.

It took 10 years for me to finally stop accepting that I deserved to be treated like s**t.  

Post # 70
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  Nah….there is some F*ckery going around here and I don’t like it.”  Damn girl, you made me spit up my soda with this. But I second it. Buying your own ring coz your SO cancelled the budget sounds like crazy talk to me.

Post # 71
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@musician32992:  You mentioned that you’re a student, right?  Most schools offer free counseling services to students.  So don’t let money be an issue for that.

Post # 72
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s one thing to not have the funds for it, but it’s another thing to go about it the way he is and to say certain things to you like “if you want a ring you can buy one yourself”. What an insensitive thing to say, especially in that context. I’m sorry you’re going through this. He should get you something, even if it’s a few hundred dollars right now until he can afford an upgrade. I think it’s really insensitive the way he isn’t thinking about your feelings in the sense that if you get engaged, you are entitled to an engagement ring if you want one. Even if it’s a very simple ring. I mean we’re girls, 90% of us dream of having the ring, dress, cake, since we were young girls. He shouldn’t take that away from you. And the going back and forth on the money issue would REALLY annoy me. Especially when he goes from $3,000 to ZERO?! Are you sure he wants to get married? 

Post # 73
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@musician32992:  Edit: Just read the whole thread….

I keep getting a vibe that I’m not good enough for him, especially now that he’s really successful and I’ve amounted to absolutely nothing thus far. 

If he’s really successful then surely he can afford to get you a ring for, what? A thousand bucks, at least? This all doesn’t add up. I’m sorry hunny, it doesn’t sound like he wants to get married. Are you always the one bringing up marriage talks or is it him? 

Post # 74
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s one thing if a man truly lacks the resources to buy an engagement ring but wants to marry his SO anyway and is willing to buy her at least a wedding band. It’s another thing entirely when a man with your SO’s resources is all too happy to purchase a $2,600 trip to Vegas for himself but tells his potential future bride — who is still a college student — that his ideal ring budget is “0” and tells her to go buy herself a wedding band if she wants one. Wow. Just. No.

Post # 75
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

wow what is his problem? My friend and I recently had a similar chat when he told her an engagement ring is a waste of money. I’ll tell you what I told her – my Fiance would NEVER say that to me. He is proud of my ring and loves it as much as I do and did I mention how proud he is of it?! Even if your man isn’t rich and can’t afford a 3 carat ring or hell even a 1 carat ring, he should want to and be happy to buy you what he can afford because of what it symbolizes. 

I’ll tell you the same thing I told my best friend – leave his stupid, cheap ass. He’s not worth it and honestly, he’s probably never going to propose, or you’re going to just force him into it – neither of which are good options. You’re way better than that.

Post # 76
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can’t get over this thread. You really need to think long and hard about whether this is someone who you’d want to be with for the rest of your life. He sounds like a selfish, insensitive prick. Sorry. 

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