(Closed) He keeps changing the ring budget…now there is no budget.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 92
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m a little late to this, but I read it and though it really bothered me, I just didn’t have any good advice or words for you. So I asked Fiance what he thought about it.  I read him what you wrote, and excerpts from your updates. He kind of got rage-facey, and once I’d finished, he said “May I?” and I let him sit down (that should tell you how much this affected me: I have never turned him loose on the Bee before!). This is what he wrote:

**********

“As a guy, I’m not terribly into jewelry. I don’t own any rings, I stopped wearing Yin-Yang necklaces in high school, and wearing, on occasion, a digital watch with velcro strap is about as far as I’ll go. I also don’t agree with ‘3 months salary’ as a yardstick (check out the DeBeers chapter in James B. Twitchell’s “20 Ads That Shook the World,” and you’ll see why) for an engagement ring. Frankly, I believe that the marriage itself is much, much more important than gems and geegaws, the presents and pageantry of the wedding. 

“That said, what this guy is pulling on you is, in a word, bullshit.

“First of all, regardless of what he’s willing to spend on you, it is egregious for him to ‘ask’ you to not wear your promise ring on your left hand around his family. If he’s seriously planning on spending the rest of his life with you, I’d think he’d have a bit of enthusiasm showing that off around his family. You will be seeing a lot of them, after all. 

“Second of all, even burger-flippers and pizza-schleppers can set a budget. True, that might be something on the order of $1,200, but it’s better than this dude’s doing. Hell, I spent more than I initially wanted to on my fiancee’s ring…but, god, the way her face lit up when she put it on…how could I say no? I think most guys–the thinking, feeling kind, the ones with souls–feel the same way: she’s going to wear it the rest of her life, better make sure she’s happy. 

“Which brings me to another point: Vegas? Seriously? Look: I used to live in Las Vegas–two years–and I can tell you without qualification that it’s a miserable place unfit for human habitation: there’s a damn good reason Stephen King used it as the seat of evil in “The Stand.” Unless he’s planning to hang out at Red Rock Canyon (national park and sole bright spot in Clark County) for a couple of weeks, he’s wasting his $26, let alone $2,600. But he’s probably going to go have The Vegas Experience: run around on the Strip, get drunk, gamble, spend all that damn money, and come home where you will have every right to take a 10.5° driver to his testicles for not doing something more sensible with his money, like investing it in a bread farm.

**********

Just thought a guy’s perspective might help. Hope you’re doing well.

Post # 95
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@musician32992:  How did he respond when you said you don’t feel like he spoils you?

Post # 98
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow that’s crazy. Maybe I am spoiled by my fiancé but I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who didn’t want to spend anything on my ring. That’s so crazy. If he’s being like this now, how will he be when you get married? 

Post # 99
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

YAY! This makes me really happy. You sounded so upset in your OP that I have been worried about how things were going to turn out. Hope to see pics of your moissy soon!

Post # 101
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

The ring really sounds like the smallest problem here. Do you want a courthouse wedding with no announcement? Do you want to teach math? Do you get to do or have anything YOU want? I don’t mean to come across as harsh, but it sounds like this is really more than just about a ring. Does he compromise in anything?

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