He keeps contacting the girl he hooked up with!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

This would bother me too. And to be honest, yes, it’s partially due to insecurity. However, I think a bit of insecurity concerning exes that are still in the picture is natural. It’s definitely not cheating but it’s not awesome that he has never mentioned they’re still in touch and that he has apparently never mentioned you to her.

My SO remained friends with his ex and I was okay with it until up to 1.5 years after we had been dating when he wanted to meet her for a drink and to catch up. I asked in passing if she knew that he was with me. She didn’t. Why not? Because he didn’t want to hurt her (his words). That was unacceptable to me after dating for so long and living together for a year.

If you can be friends with your ex, fine. But you have to be REAL friends…not the kind that keeps contact a secret from his SO and who feels he has to keep the fact that he’s with someone else a secret from his ex. If you’re acting like that…you’re not really just friends IMO. 

Post # 48
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Alot of people are “cool” with staying friends with exes, contacting exes, getting dinner..having flirty friends of the opposite sex, but for me and my relationship it is NOT COOL.  It doesn’t work with us.  I think you need to figure out what you are ok with and not ok with.  I would talk with him and tell him you are not comfortable with this, and see what he does.  I don’t this it’s acceptable in my eyes, but he should at least tell you about it or mention you to her…that’s what would worry me the most!

Post # 49
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

littlemisshostess :  I think everyone on here is too focused on the fact she snooped through the e-mails. Yes maybe she shouldn’t have snooped but let’s not forget her bf isn’t exactly innocent either. He should have told the OP that this girl and him are e-mailing each other and then maybe she wouldn’t have snooped. I mean if i knew that my bf hooked up with some chic while we were broken up and he was e-mailing her and conveniently never mentioned it to me and then i came across an email from her i would probably open it too out of curiosity. Because honestly my first thought would be ok he never mentioned he was talking to the girl he hooked up with i wanna make sure nothing sketchy is going on. Relationships are about honesty and he is lying by omission by not mentioning it to his gf. 

Post # 50
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m sorry Bee. This would honestly worrry/annoy me too. So far, what you’ve seen doesn’t sound like anything that crosses a line, but I’d be worried if my SO didn’t tell me anything about it. 

If it were me, I’d bring it up and say how I stumbled across every thing and how it bugs me. But I would say something along the lines of why it bothers me and what you need to hear to make you feel better.

Me and my FI are very open and I find it weird when couples can’t talk to each other about things like this, but every relationship is different. 

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