- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2006
I had to go anon for this. I have been holding off doing this for some time, but I need help.
I love my husband a lot, and I know he loves me, but he keeps picking at me. Not about physical stuff, per se, but about me: I am too sensitive, I have too many hang ups, I am dumb, I am too emotional, etc. He makes me feel like my emotions are nothing, and I about .0001″ tall. When I am upset about something, I am “just being silly”, but when he is upset, something better change. I am tired of hearing,”I don’t know what you are talking about”, and”I have NO IDEA what you are saying!” with this ugly look on his face. He makes me so flustered with that, I just screw up.
Sometimes, we talk about current events, and academical things, and when I say something to show I am trying to understand, he says loudly,”That’s NOT what I am talking about!” I am really feeling like hell, and I just don’t want to talk to him about much anymore.
Something VERY embarrassing happened to me lately, and I told him, and asked him not to tell anyone. He laughed at me, called me a silly girl, and said I was too sensitive. I wish to hell I never told him. Now, I have to worry who he is going to tell.
His mother used to treat him this way, and he says he hates her, but he is just like her sometimes. This is killing me because evey time I broach the subject, I am brushed off.
I also have depression and anxiety, and he will not let me get meds for these. He forced me off the ones I was on, and will not let me get back on them. He wants me to battle these things by myself, then gets mad at me, or laughs at me, when I screw up. I am hurting so much. I am thinking of going to the Dr. behind his back, then when he notices the changes for the better, tell him what I did.
He starts so many conversations with,”One of your biggest problems is…”, even in BED!
He treats me very well 99.9% of the time in public, so no one would believe me here.
I am feeling more ground down by the day. I do go to counseling, and have gotten him to go a couple of time, but he doesn’t listen to the counselor. He does have quite a large ego, and is terrified of being wrong and making mistakes. He “jokes” about how great he is a lot, and I am getting tired of it.
I hate his bitch of a mother for what she has done to him. I would love for him to stop reponding so harshly to his upbringing. My upbringing was not thrilling, but I do not take it out on him, or keep trying to relive it through him.