(Closed) He keeps minimizing me, Help!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Long2bRight:  please don’t let him convince you you are being too sensitive or crazy. I hope you keep this momentum and clarity and leave him so you can focus on your well being. I just want to give you a hug! Don’t let him hurt you anymore. 🙁

Post # 48
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@Long2bRight:  Good for you!  Honestly I think your first step is to LEAVE, and your second step is medication.  I’m all for working out problems in a relationship, but from what you’ve said, the extent to which this man is a controlling psychopath…. I just don’t see how counseling could utterly change those patterns, you know?  

Keep up the momentum.  You deserve someone who is your biggest cheerleader and protector in the whole world.  That’s what love is, not this abuse.

Post # 49
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@fiver:  + 1

 

Listen, it’s one thing if he’s insensitive.. It’s another if he’s forced you off your medication.  Depression and anxiety is NOTHING to be embarassed or shamed by.  The brain is an organ just like everything else and if it’s not functioning correctly, it’s not functioning correctly.  If you needed heart medication would he force you off that and tell you to fight it without meds??  Go see a counselor, get your meds back, and find love for yourself.  You can do this.  You don’t need another person to give you self worth.  You deserve a healthy, happy life.

Post # 50
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Long2bRight:  ((HUGS))  You are being terrorized, essentially.  What you’ve described is classic psychological and emotional abuse, no doubt about it.

Please read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Sounds like your DH has a huge dose of it.

Post # 51
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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@Long2bRight:  

 

I’m so glad you got something out of that article. It really changed me too when I read it. 

I don’t know you but I smiled when I read your response because I know what it feels like to connect the dots. It’s both a horrible but empowering feeling. 

Good for you! I think you’re decision about your meds is a good one. 

Read that article again and again. But I have to tell you something else about gaslighting that I’ve seen from my experience.

He will NEVER understand what he’s putting you through. DON’T WASTE TIME TRYING TO MAKE HIM SEE THIS FROM YOUR SIDE. I wasted so much time trying to do this in a previous relationship. 

Your self awareness is now officially 100x bigger than his so don’t expect him to be able to go your level. If you show this article to him or talk to him about it, he will be denfensive and then make you doubt the validity of the article and your connections. 

Please keep me posted 🙂 PM me if you need anything.

Post # 52
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Long2bRight:  Sounds like you married my ex-boyfriend … that’s exactly what my first boyfriend did to me.

But in all seriousness, because your situation is NOT funny. Get to counselling. You need to build up some self esteem so you can tell your hubby to change or go fuck off. You don’t need all this negativity. 

Post # 53
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@MexiPino:  best advice x1000

Post # 54
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

This is so, so sad and disturbing to read. So if you had cancer he’d force you off those meds too?! I wouldn’t normally say ‘just leave’ without suggesting if there’s anything that could be done to fix things, but he just sounds so awful and sociopathic that I really, really, REALLY hope that you get out as soon as possible and don’t look back.

Post # 55
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Who the HELL does this man think he is? He is your husband – not the Master of your destiny or a parent. Frankly, the more you write about him, the more enraged I get. How dare he force you off your meds or say those belittling comments to you. You do NOT need to be taught a lesson and it certainly is not his place to teach you one. He is abusing you on so many levels it is sickening. Your husband should love and support you, not call all the shots and make your life miserable. You have a right to express yourself and have feelings without being put down. You have a right to seek medical care for your depression. If he denies you these very basic rights, he is NOT a loving husband but a bully. I agree with some of the PPs – stay with family or friends, get back on your meds and insist on him attending couples counseling or file or divorce. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this.

Post # 56
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

With every new post, my heart breaks a little bit more for you. He sounds incredibly controlling and emotionally abusive. A husband should lift his wife up and make her stronger, not break her into pieces. Finances should be a team effort. You have to pay everything to “learn a lesson” about financial responsibility? I’d bet money it’s more along the lines of, you have to pay all the bills so you don’t have any resources if you ever want to leave him.

It’s really cruel what he’s doing to you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he denied every accusation of abuse from here to kingdom come, then turned it around and tried to make YOU feel bad about it. Is there any way you could get support from friends or family on this?

Post # 57
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

This is abuse. Someday in the future, it will escalate to physical abuse. Do you want to be around when it does? No, run away now! 

Post # 58
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

You are in danger. please find a safehouse in your area  – National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)  Domestic abuse hotlines are not just for the physically abused – they are also there for those who are being threatened. Would you stop taking your meds for him if you had cancer?  Why is this any different? He is putting you in danger, and there are people who can help you get the advice and help that you need. This forum can give you advice, but they cannot give you a safehouse, nor protection. He will blow up; the evidence is there. I dont want it to be on you.


(((hugs))))

 

Post # 59
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

OP, please do update us, because I’m going to be worrying about you until you do.

Post # 60
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I believe you may be in danger, Iam worried about your safety too, especially because you wrote,

 I am scared he will come home, and catch me on here.

I hope that you are able to contact people who can advise you on how to keep yourself safe, and make a plan for yourself to leave.  Please respond back when you can do it safely.  I’m sending prayers for your safety, health and happiness.  

Post # 61
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

All that behaviour is crazy. I agree with everything that other people have posted about abuse and getting out. You don’t deserve this and no one should dictate how you control your health, except you.

I had an experience similar to this (though not nearly as extreme) and I wasn’t married to the man but eventually I left him. It was a hard thing to do but afterwards I honestly didn’t know why I stayed for so long. I know everyone has a different situation but part of his thing is to make you feel so worthless that you are dependent on him all the time because you feel like you are stupid/slow/whatever. You are not any of those things, it’s all his issue.

Speaking about it is obviously hard but do you have one trusted friend you could speak to and start to work out some practicalities?

Wish you all the best.

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