He left me

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Maybe he will come around, maybe not. All relationships are learning experiences & you will grow from this. Forgive yourself & realize you are a work in progress. Work on taking care of you and spend time with your friends. Forgive yourself bee.

Post # 17
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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throwawayaccount001 :  I disagree with a lot of these post. Leave the guy alone. Do not contact him, do not manipulate him by telling him you love him (because if you did love him you wouldn’t be in this situation) and move on.

If he decides to reach out to you that is another thing but unless that happens leave him the hell alone.

You aren’t the victim here.

Post # 18
Member
4055 posts
Honey bee

Allow him to have the space he needs. I’m a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. He may come around. He may not. Either way, just let him have space and if he decides to reach out to you then so be it. Hang in there 

Post # 19
Member
7688 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

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sunburn :  I agree completely. She made a mistake, but I don’t think it is an irredeemable one, and I, too, have to wonder about what purpose honesty served here. I hope he comes around, but if not, OP, I hope you will be okay. Even if he does not forgive you, you need to forgive yourself.

Post # 20
Member
632 posts
Busy bee

I don’t believe these things happen for no reason. Either there was something missing from your relationship (whether you realised it or not) or there was something inside you that caused you to do it. There’s no point beating  yourself up about it, but I would try to figure out what caused you to do it. Use this as a learning experience. Were you really happy in your relationship?

Post # 21
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee

 

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throwawayaccount001 :  oh no bee. I just read your previous thread. Everybody makes mistakes, no one is perfect…you clearly feel so remorseful and know you ventured into no go territory..I do feel bad for you. I hope he just takes time to heal and then you guys can work it out, because I don’t think you would ever make this mistake again.

Post # 22
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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echomomm :  I think the honesty was necessary because things would’ve been a million times worse had her Fiance found out on his own. Tom seems like a vindictive asshole, and had she blocked him without warning, be may have been out for blood by trying to expose her. Guys like that don’t take too kindly to having their egos bruised.

 

I don’t think there was a “right” way to handle this. She was damned either way :/

Post # 23
Member
6164 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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azf0019 :  sure but these poor choices were not made in a couple of hours but a couple of months. 

Post # 24
Member
5170 posts
Bee Keeper

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j_jaye : “ Do not contact him, do not manipulate him by telling him you love him (because if you did love him you wouldn’t be in this situation) “

Bullshit. Utter bullshit.

Post # 25
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

People are ruthless on here!  Geez.  I’m so sorry things have ended up this way for you, Bee.  I’m sure you are devastated.  I think you did the right thing by telling him.  If you had kept the secret, the stress and guilt would have been too much.  And you never know what the other guy would have done.  Better the truth came from you even though the result wasn’t what you had hoped for.

Post # 26
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Honestly, after reading your previous posts, if I was him I’d be done too. This was way too close to actually cheating with all lthe hiding the meetups and whatnot. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have involved the other guy tho. I would just be gone. Sorry, Bee, but this was a huge mess up and sometimes these are the consequences, apparently. If you two aren’t even married yet and you’re sexting some guy, how can he ever trust you? I couldn’t trust my Fiance if something like this happened, and I could either spend the rest of my life questioning her every move, or just move on. I would choose to move on.

Post # 27
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

These things happen for a reason.  Time to pick yourself up and move on.

It’s life it’s all about learning who you are and what’s right for you.  This relationship wasn’t the one.

Take care of yourself – when you find the one who is right for you, he will be everything you need in a relationship.

Post # 28
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

I would give him space, let him heal.

Post # 29
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Some of the bees might think that the sexting is no big deal but I personally think it is on the same level as cheating and clearly your fiance does.  

You have owned up to what you have done but now you have to accept the consequences.  

It will be hard but you will be able to eventually move on.  This is a shock now but when the dust settles you will realize that this wasn’t the relationship for you if you were meeting up with tim like that anyway. 

Post # 30
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee

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j_jaye :  “if you did love him you wouldn’t be in this situation”

For someone who claims to be/is a counselor for battered women, I’m frankly shocked that you’ve so little regard for the nuances and complexities of not only human relationships but human emotions. 

We literally know NOTHING of what happened here, as OP has given us minimal information. Maybe OP has been abused by this fiance–hell, maybe flirting with this man could’ve gotten her out of an abusive situation. Exactly THAT has happened to other abused women before. But you should know that, being a counselor and all. Maybe her definition of “texting about sexual things” means saying something like “I had my first kiss when I was 16!” To some people, THAT is sexy talk. But somehow you jump to her not loving him? And that she isn’t a victim? Wow. Not what I’d expect from someone who’s supposed to be a counselor. I’ve read the same posts you have, and your response is unhelpful at best. 

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