He left me

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

That’s wonderful news! I agree with everyone else, put all social media on private, and maybe stop going out with your single friends for a while. It’s nothing personal, you just need to distance yourself from that kind of situation so it doesn’t happen again.

Also, think about why you started sexting the other guy in the first place. If the spark is missing from your relationship, start putting more effort into date nights and rekindle what made you love your Fiance in the first place. 

Post # 47
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

You are obviously happy he wants you back but you really need to do some soul searching and figure out why you felt the need to do what you did.

Please make sure you work on your relationship before committing to marriage.

Divorce is not something I would wish on anyone and you need to be sure that you really want this relationship.

Post # 48
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee

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throwawayaccount001 :  yay! I’m so so so happy to hear that! I’d say never do anything like it again, but I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson the hard way already. Now you know how quickly something seemingly innocent can snowball out of control rather rapidly. 

 

Good luck moving forward ☺️

Post # 49
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Even if what you started to do with Tim wasn’t right, you corrected yourself and did the right thing in stopping and blocking him. 

But I didn’t think you should have told Fiance about it. That was the mistake. Even if Fiance did find out about it some day, it would have been easier to explain it away, than by laying it all out in front of him 3 days after it happened. 

It is pretty immature for him to call Tim. Fi is pretty impulsive. First he forgives you, then changes his mind, says he is packing your stuff. Why is he saying he is packing your stuff if he is the one who left? He calls Tim, Tim fudges. I see why FI’s trust is shaken but you shouldn’t have told him. 

Being one who acts with little thought, he will come back. Don’t let him hold your feet to the fire for years for this one thing.

Post # 50
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

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DanaWeddingGuest :  I have to disagree. It was clear that the guilt was getting to her and Fiance probably would have sensed something was off and found out anyway. 

If at least one good thing came out of FI’s inpulsive call, it that OP got to see Tim’s true colors(a scumbag who flirts with engaged women and then throws them under the bus). It’s a good lesson for future situations. 

Post # 51
Member
11349 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sunburn :  

Put me in this camp. I’m not sure what purpose the “Tell, tell, tell” chorus was hoping to accomplish.  OP screwed up, she caught herself, and stopped.  She also learned her lesson.  Over a lifetime, we will all be guilty of lapses in judgment, even the most pious among us, preaching from our lofty perches.

What started out as really, really stupid behavior on the part of the OP has now blown up the relationship, possibly permanently.  If they do reconcile, things will never be the same.  

If we flipped the situation and it was the guy confessing to flirting with another woman, trash talking with another woman, then suddenly coming to his senses, I’d give him the same advice.  Shut up about it, do your penance quietly.  Rededicate yourself to the woman you love and never do anything this stupid again.

But, the toothpaste is out of the tube now.  All the OP can do is give her fiancé his space.

Post # 52
Member
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I definitely suggest counseling for you two.  The trust needs to be rebuilt and you’ll need help with that.

Bee, you’ve definitely learned an important lesson about how easily everything you’ve built can be destroyed by the whole “grass is greener” syndrome.  Hopefully, your relationship will survive this hiccup and I hope the lesson sticks.  Good luck bee.

Post # 53
Bee
5254 posts
Bee Keeper

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sassy411 :  Yes!  But I usually find myself in agreement with your posts.

I was very disappointed to see so many people pushing for telling. I have my suspicions why that is, but that’s neither here nor there. Doesn’t matter if the OP was male or female, the advice would be the same. 

Post # 54
Member
6135 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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DeniseSecunda :  lol villainous people here. Not everyone thinks that sexting ISNT cheating. maybe that works in your relationship but people calling a spade a spade isn’t being puratanical nor villainizing. Get real. If a woman posted on here about her fiance sexting another woman after meeting her for lunch, would we tell her that’s ok? Give him a break? Hell no. Perhaps you think it’s no biggie but a lot of people have major issues with this and IT IS CHEATING. 

Nice update OP, wish you the best moving forward.

Post # 55
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

So glad to hear this bee.  Time to move forward.  Never fall down that rabbit hole again.

Post # 56
Member
7062 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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throwawayaccount001 :  It’s great he called you back. It seems like both of you need to stop with the major leaps to action. You need to practice taking a breath and cooling off before saying or doing something foolish that you might not be able to take back. I hope both of you learn and grow from this experience and come out stronger on the other side.

Post # 57
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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throwawayaccount001 :  Something similar happened to me years ago when me and my SO were just getting serious and he found a text thread with a guy I had a fling with when I was single. He wasn’t too thrilled with the flirtiness aspect of the texts and in the heat of the moment almost ended it with me. It was a real eye opening experience for me. I was so used to having “back burner” relationships when I was single I had to evaluate what it was to have a real one with a man I truely love and for the first time ever saw a future with. It’s exciting to have those butterfly moments with strangers but those butterflies go away and what are you left with? I cut off all contact with anyone who wasn’t an actual friend – i do have a lot of male friends – blocked or unfollowed them on social media, erased phone numbers, and promised my then boyfriend that he’s the only one that matters… 4 years later we’re getting married, we moved on from that, he 100% forgave me and never holds it over my head which is the most important aspect of moving on and shows me how much he really does love and trust me.

Good luck to you and your fiance, I hope he’s as great as mine and he can really move past this and never holds it again you. 

Post # 58
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

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throwawayaccount001 :  happy for you OP. He must love you. But this isn’t going away…he will question your behavior and actions going forward for a long time. Prove your loyalty to him.

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