He left me after proposing.

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 3
331 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry Bee. The problem is him, not you. Stop thinking about your flaws, we all have them and in 7 years he knew all about that. He clearly misled you. Maybe he wanted to believe in it himself, maybe he never cared that much. It’s impossible for us to tell without knowing you. But please don’t question yourself Bee. This situation sucks but he did you a favor by leaving now. 7 years is a long time but it’s not a lifetime. You’ll find the strength to move on eventually. Right now just take care of yourself, see your friends and loved ones and remember thay you deserve to be loved for who you are.

Post # 4
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I’m sorry to hear. That’s brutal but it’s 100% his fault. He shouldn’t have proposed if he was having these thoughts (I doubt they just suddenly came up in April/May). 

Not sure if you live together but I would grab my stuff and go no contact. Plan a fun trip for yourself, move cities, change your number, do whatever you need to feel better. 

Post # 5
215 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think its a you problem or a him problem. He just got to a point where the relationship was not working for him. And instead of just staying because it was comfortable he let you know and did what was right. Its unfortunate but I think it was kinder this way in the long run. Ideally he would of figured this out sooner but sometimes it takes the “big moments” to make it real and really make you reflect.

Take some time to mourn the relationship and spend some time taking care of you.

Post # 7
300 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  Maybe he met someone else he’s interested in.  Even if he changes his mind, please do not take him back.  You know the saying, “fool me once…”

Post # 8
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s possible he feels he has outgrown the relationship, or maybe he’s met someone else. It definitely wasn’t fair for him to propose if he was having these feelings (because I’m sure he didn’t just start having these feelings).

I know it hurts right now, but you deserve someone who is sure about you. And it isn’t him. 

Post # 9
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

So this is what I’m thinking.   After 7 years I find it hard to believe that he only recently realized that he didn’t want to marry you.  That “disconnect” doesn’t just happen overnight.  My guess is that he’s known for years but was simply comfortable with the situation and as long as you didn’t push for a next level step, saw no reason to leave.  When you finally did push for that next level commitment, instead of being honest, asked you to marry him simply because he thought he should (not because he wanted to but because he wasn’t ready to walk away yet).  Afterwards the magnitude of his actions have hit him and he at least had the decency to tell you before you really started planning.

He did you a favor bee, although it doesn’t seem like it on your end right now.   Believe him when he says he’s not the one for you.  He’s been deceiving you for a while. 

Go to your family and friends for support but block him on your phone and all social media.  You need absolutely NO CONTACT with him so that you can start to heal.  If you need to vent here go ahead and do that.  We’ll listen and try to give you some perspective.

Many hugs bee. 

Post # 11
4058 posts
Honey bee

Oh this is harsh. But it wasn’t you pressuring him that made him change his mind. It was almost certainly someone else who caught his eye. I’m sorry.

Post # 13
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

I’m so sorry bee. As PPs have pointed out, this is all on him and nothing to do with anything you did. It’s harsh that he waited until after he proposed, but I’m glad for you that he didn’t marry you and then want a divorce. It might not feel like it now, but he did you a service by sparing you before you actually got married. It’s 1000% better to have a broken engagement, than a divorce. 

Post # 14
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

He knew you weren’t the one, that’s likely why it took him 7 years to begin with….Trust me you don’t want him back now,  he will only desert you again later.  I’m sorry I know this must be painful but this opens the door for you to find someone who truly loves you and is “all in”.  Take what lessons you can get from this,  your time is valuable so  don’t invest years of it in the next relationship without a commitment. 

Post # 15
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

gengen12 :  NO!!! Do not hope he reconsiders and come back. 

Let me tell you what just happened to a friend of mine. She had a boyfriend, he dumped her and he couldn’t really say why but just that he didn’t think it was right. She took him back and he proposed. Then HE DUMPED HER 2 WEEKS BEFORE THEIR WEDDING. 

Trust me OP, once a guy is wishy washy it is OVER. Once a guy has that doubt that you are not the right person for him, you know what you do? You say to yourself, I deserve a man who knows i am for him 100% with no doubts. I want a guy who doesn’t have to take breaks from our relationship to figure out how he feels about me. Do not be the girl that takes a guy back to get dumped again later. 

Do not even entertain the idea of getting back with him even if he shows up again. He can’t even figure out his own feelings, why even give a guy like that the time of day? 

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