(Closed) He left me – Input needed

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

oh my goodness!! i’ve never heard of anything like this. how long has it been since he went AWOL?! *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry this happened to you. Were you long distance? Could there have been someone else?

Post # 5
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Bessie:  wait??!!! who does that?!! did he live by you? I would drive to his house!!! something seems off here.

 

Im sorry your going through this…really. But for every frog out there, there are a million prince’s. you will find yours soon.

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am very sorry this happened to you, it must be very devasting. This loss is rather ambiguous and I imagine grieving this loss has been very difficult because you seem to have so many unanswered questions.

If you don’t mind I have some questions that would help me respond better. How old are you? I also am curious to know why you didn’t go to his house? Also was your proposal a formal proposal with a ring that other people knew about? Did you know his family or friends and have a relationship with them? Were there any warning signs? Does he have a history of any mental illness? What are his relationships like with other people?

 

Again, this must be very hard for you and I am sorry this happened to have this happen so suddenly it seems like he just disappeared one day.

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry this happened to you! That’s heartbreaking…but you sound tough. The hardest part is just not knowing. MY ex-FI and I had dated for 5 years, lived together for 2 and one day I came home and everything of his was gone. That night I got a text saying, ‘I wish I came home tonight, I miss you’ and that was it. I have never heard from him again. No returned, calls, texts, emails, nothing. Things were honestly going great, as far as I could see, and he seemed happier than I. The part that killed me was just not knowing…not getting an explanation. I’m engaged now, and I find myself freaking out that it’s going to happen again or like whatever it was that I did to just make him snap I’ll do again with my Fiance and he’ll disappear too. I worry because I don’t know what happened and I fear I may make the same mistake again. I just have to keep reminding myself that that was probably an isolated situation and it was him and not me. My current Fiance is a way better communicator so I just have to trust that if there was a problem that would make him feel that way he’d at least talk to me before just disappearing. There’s a special guy out there for you 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

Something is off here.. either you aren’t telling us the whole story or you honestly don’t know the whole story. I don’t understand how you didn’t have a face to face after/during this whole fiasco. If my Fiance wanted to break off our engagment, you better believe we would be talking about it in person. I would insist upon it. Are you sure he is not dead in a ditch somewhere? Have you heard his voice since the AWOL?

Post # 9
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am SO SORRY 🙁 🙁 I can’t even begin to imagine what these last few months have been for you! The only other possible explanation I could come up with other than cold feet (and don’t hate me for this…) is that maybe he was married or still in a relationship. If his wife or girlfriend found out about you, she probably would have made him promise to never talk to you again…I don’t know, just a thought. Do you have any mutual friends you could ask/have you tried looking him up on Facebook or anything?

Post # 10
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@orchid84:  I’m curious about this points too.

If my Fi dissapeared now, I’d worry about something being wrong with him or his family, I would look for him ask his parents and frinds about if something’s wrong with him. If an email and a text message give you enough closure for an engagement, maybe you were not ready for marriage with that person.

Post # 11
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Im thinking this was an internet relationship.  The reason I say this is because when I was younger, the same exact thing happened to me.  at the very least, it has to be an ldr, because if you lived close enough to someone and they pulled this crap, you’d go over to their house for a confrontation.  Like i said, ive traveled this road, myself.  I was a naiive teen when it happened, though.  The guy was absolutely awesome and very convincing.  then, months later, he absolutely disappeared.  no returned calls, texts, emails.  nothing.  he ended up texting me a month later and we started talking again.  he’d say he was coming to visit me, then the day before he was supposed to come, he’d stop talking to me and it would be months before i heard from him again.  Finally i got sick of it.  found out the guy was a pathological liar and some of the times he stopped talking to me, he’d been in jail!  OP, you are probably alot better off.  i know it might not feel that way now, but i promise you are.  you will find someone that will treat you right.  it took me a while, but i found my prince charming and i am so happy that other jerk dropped out of my life.

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

called me day and night, took me out every weekend, told me he loved everyday, texted me 24/7….He worked his butt of for me to finally agree to a relationship with him …. he called me as per usual everynight

to be honest it sounds exhausting and needy – my ex use to put lots of pressure on me for constant contact and eventually i resented it

being with someone for 2yrs and then nothing is hard but take a day at a time and tell yourself you will be ok – maybe some counselling to deal with your issues so when you are one day ready to trust someone again you will be stronger

goodluck

Post # 15
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like he has some kind of mental illness or he’s a sociopath or something. Somehow you fulfilled some need in him for a while then when he was done he was just done. It sounds like he really enjoyed chasing you because you were never 100% sure you wanted to be with him, then he got you to promise to marry him and boom. Gone. Or he went into a depression or reclusive state or something. Either way you dodged a bullet by not marrying someone like him, even though mourning the loss of the person you thought he was must have been very painful.

I find it a little confusing that you don’t know anyone in common with him considering you were engaged. If my fiance disappeared I would call his mom or friends. If he was so loving and attentive, weren’t you worried about him when he started acting SO out of character? I feel like you went directly to angry, meaning somehow you knew this was his way of leaving you. Perhaps you had a feeling that there was someone else or he wasn’t as interested in marriage as he had once been?

Post # 16
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

OP, I am really so sorry this happened to you. All I can think is that either he liked the idea of getting married more than the reality of it, or at some point his feelings about you changed, but he didn’t know how to get out of the relationship.

I don’t know. It’s just so weird and completely NOT something I would ever do to someone. I had a guy pull a similar move, though we were nowhere near as close as you and your SO were. Still, we’d dated for about half a year, talking every day, seeing each other 5x/week, and one day, absolutely without warning, he simply didn’t show up for a date. From that point on he never called, he never answered or returned my calls, and I never saw or heard from him again. Simple as that. I knew he wasn’t dead because he had a website that he updated, and we also had a mutual acquaintance who assured me he was fine. (And, like you, I didn’t go over to his house to try to talk to him. His message was clear — he wanted nothing to do with me — and I was too proud to confront him.)

My point is… guys can just be cowards. Their feelings change, or for whatever reason they decide they want to get out of a relationship, and they don’t know how to. It’s simpler for them to pretend everything’s normal and then just — poof — disappear. Maybe this is what happened with your SO? Whatever his reason, I’m sorry it happened, and I’m especially sorry that it happened that way. That is such a cowardly, crappy thing to do to someone.

 

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