(Closed) He left me – Input needed

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

Ever see the episode of sex and the city where Berger breaks up w Carrie using a post it? Same deal. Sometimes guys don’t have the balls to break up in person. Also he MAY have been cheating on you and moved on quick. You may never know why he did what he did. I know that sucks but he is not worth it. Don’t waste anymore time on this jerk and when he comes crawling back, don’t take him back!!!

Post # 20
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Was he married to someone else but separated at the time? or found out he got an old girlfriend preggo… I’ve seen both happen. The guys both dropped off the face of the earth, and in one case they worked together (I worked there too) and he basicly denied ever going out with said coworker. It was major harsh esp when they were always canoodling in the breakroom.

or some other crazy thoughts

  • his wife/girlfriend just got out of jail for burglary

  • he found out you were biologically related someway

  • he is a con man who found out you had zero inheritance to steal

I think something or someone happened to make this all go down. I would have showed up on his door or started stalking him totally crazy girl style.

Post # 21
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Darling, it sounds like there was one adult in that relationship and it was NOT him.  I’m so sorry this happened to you, what he did was immature and unacceptable.  

Had you said the time that you had a falling out that if he ever gave you the silent treatment like that again, then it was over for good?  If so, then that would have been a really easy out for him.

It sounds like you’re better off without him, but it’s got to be so painful, I’m sorry 🙁 

Post # 22
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So sorry to hear about all of this! I had a cowardly boyfriend who I lived with for 1.5 years breakup with, but not really come out and say it. I said it for him! I was really hurt at first, then found that I was so much better off without him. Now I’m engaged to a great guy who treats me so well.

 

Post # 23
Member
590 posts
Busy bee

omg I’m so sorry that is crazy for him to disappear like that without any reasoning

Post # 24
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m sorry to hear that. I had a boyfriend once who was a jerk. I broke up with him and then spent the next two weeks reading emails and texts from him begging me to take him back. I took him back. One day I was close to his house and stopped by to get lunch together. I saw him going into his house with another girl! So I’m like WTF!! I didn’t want to be with him anyways so I just left, but he didn’t see me. He never ever called me back. So based on this, it is possible that he had another girl he was after and he just didn’t confront you. Anyhow, the good thing is that you didn’t marry this man. I hope you find solace and believe that true love will come knocking on your door!

Post # 26
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Bessie:  I swear to you my best friend could have written this. Pretty much exactly the same thing happened to her. She was dating this guy for about a year and a half, they were house hunting, talking about marriage and kids, etc etc. One day they’re texting about what she’s going to pick up for dinner on the way back home after work (he was pretty much living with her at that point), and when she gets home all his stuff is gone, there’s some cash on the counter and a note that says “Sorry.” I had my issues with him before, but that sealed the deal that he was a huge jerk (to put it politely). She literally obsessed over it for months. I still think she’s depressed to tell you the truth. He never told her why, but she did find out about 6 months later via FB that he was engaged to someone else. Nice huh?

I honestly don’t think you’ll ever find out why. It could be anything. He may have had cold feet. He may have fallen out of love. He may have met someone else. But honestly, conjecturing on the “whys” and “what ifs” are just going to make you nuts. You need to focus on you and doing what gets you to a healthy and happy place. Whatever it is that happened, it was his issue, not yours. I understand you want closure, but you’re going to have to come up with a way to resolve this on your own because it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get it from him. You may want to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you move forward, I know it really helped my friend. I’m really so sorry this happened to you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just focus on you and don’t put anymore energy into him or what could have been. You need to focus on right now and building a new vision of the future for yourself.

Post # 27
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t really have any advice or any similar experiences, but I wanted to let you know that it’s a really good thing he left–with or without an explanation (though those are a good thing…) because this man is “unsettled” to say the least.  You’re a tough lady, it seems like–you’ll come out the stronger for this whole episode.  I wish you the best!

Post # 28
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am so sorry for what your going through. Its the NOT knowing what happened thats the worst part IMO. To be honest, I would try and keep telling yourself he ISNT/WASNT the man you thought he was. And not the type of ‘man’ you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Take it as a blessing from God that this happened for a reason. There is and will be someone else better for you. You WILL find someone. It will be hard to get over but you WILL. I promise!. Marry someone that deserves you b/c his actions (at the end) show you and everyone he doesnt. Why it happened doesnt matter. It clearly wasnt YOU, its him. And he is too much of a p*ssy (sorry to say that) to be honest with you. Like who does that? I WOULD except it from a 20yr guy but 31? My Fiance is 32 and can be immature but not about serious things. GIRL, YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS! You will find your prince charming!

 

BTW– did he know your family etc? B/c my Fiance made sure to ask my parents persmission before he asked me and he had already bought my Engagement Ring and wedding band.

 

Be strong love– msg me anytime!

Post # 29
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your situation sounds similar to one I had about 3 years ago. I met someone online, and we had a long distance relationship. Everything was great in the beginning, he proposed, we planned the wedding, and then 3 months before the wedding he called everything off out of the blue!

The weekend he called things off I remember we had had an arguement and the next day he wouldn’t answer any of my calls. It wasn’t until I called his mom to have her tell him he needs to talk to me, when he called he basically said we were over. I didn’t get an explanation as to why, or what I did.

It took me a long time to realize whatever the reason he didn’t want me were HIS issues and not mine! I later found out he got married to another woman the same year we were suppose to!

It took a long time to heal. I have found love again and I’m going to be marrying a wonderful man. My advice is move on with your life, spend time with your friends and family. Looking back I’m thankful my ex called it off he wasn’t right for me(of course I couldn’t see that at the time). Don’t torture yourself with “if i did this, or if i did that.” You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Believe me when I say that. I’m so sorry your going through this, keep your head up, and God Bless.

Post # 30
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow I had a b/f do that to me when I was a teen and we were only together for 3 months and it was devastating.  I don’t know how you can cope with this one.  I’d probably have went and knocked on his door.  i mean after so long toghether did you have a crapload of your stuff at his house anyway?

Totally bizzar, but yeah I guess some men will go to great lenghts to not have to actually tell you that they want to break up.

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