Post # 17
@Moja Milosc: Wow you are so right about some points there. I honestly think he was just acting like a jerk because mind you we did once have a falling out which led to him ignoring my calls for a week, then he said sorry but I wouldnt take him for a while because when you argue with someone you dont just stop talking to them – you sort it out. He basically gave me another silent treatement (but still texted every other day and called once a week) when I refused to go back to him. Finally we met face to face and had a long discussion and we both admitted we were wrong with how we handled things.
We got back together then he approached the marriage subject and like two adults we agreed to be get married. However deep down I just had a horrible gut feeling something would go wrong and we wouldnt be together by the end of the year – the main reason? He is very impulsive and doesnt know how to handle disagreements and takes offence to little things.
Yes we were engaged and kept it to ourselves until we sorted out a house. We didnt tell his friends or family but my family knew and my friends too. But I was too embarrased to tell any of them what happened and just said we had a falling out which we never recovered from and blamed it on me. Only one of my best friends knows the truth as she had been through a similar thing (but hers was a short term relationship where her fiance actually broke up through a text msg and never called again). I confided in her, shes been there for me and we still discuss it and cant come up with 1 reason as to why mine did what he did.
Post # 18
@stillme: Hi stillme, I agree, the only logical explaination is his feelings changed sometime between when he first started ignoring me early last year and us breaking up for 2 months. Like I said he is impulsive because when we got back together he suddenly was serious about getting married. If you are suddenly not in love with someone, why approach the marriage talk, even if he did it impulsively and later regreted it why go the extra lengths of house hunting talking about our future all the time. Any sane person (even cowards) would slowly STOP all marriage talk and then be honest and break up with the person. Why is it whenever I was with him I could tell he was in love? The affection alone I cant describe 🙁
Post # 19
Ever see the episode of sex and the city where Berger breaks up w Carrie using a post it? Same deal. Sometimes guys don’t have the balls to break up in person. Also he MAY have been cheating on you and moved on quick. You may never know why he did what he did. I know that sucks but he is not worth it. Don’t waste anymore time on this jerk and when he comes crawling back, don’t take him back!!!
Post # 20
Was he married to someone else but separated at the time? or found out he got an old girlfriend preggo… I’ve seen both happen. The guys both dropped off the face of the earth, and in one case they worked together (I worked there too) and he basicly denied ever going out with said coworker. It was major harsh esp when they were always canoodling in the breakroom.
or some other crazy thoughts
- his wife/girlfriend just got out of jail for burglary
- he found out you were biologically related someway
- he is a con man who found out you had zero inheritance to steal
I think something or someone happened to make this all go down. I would have showed up on his door or started stalking him totally crazy girl style.
Post # 21
Darling, it sounds like there was one adult in that relationship and it was NOT him. I’m so sorry this happened to you, what he did was immature and unacceptable.
Had you said the time that you had a falling out that if he ever gave you the silent treatment like that again, then it was over for good? If so, then that would have been a really easy out for him.
It sounds like you’re better off without him, but it’s got to be so painful, I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 22
So sorry to hear about all of this! I had a cowardly boyfriend who I lived with for 1.5 years breakup with, but not really come out and say it. I said it for him! I was really hurt at first, then found that I was so much better off without him. Now I’m engaged to a great guy who treats me so well.
Post # 23
omg I’m so sorry that is crazy for him to disappear like that without any reasoning
Post # 24
I’m sorry to hear that. I had a boyfriend once who was a jerk. I broke up with him and then spent the next two weeks reading emails and texts from him begging me to take him back. I took him back. One day I was close to his house and stopped by to get lunch together. I saw him going into his house with another girl! So I’m like WTF!! I didn’t want to be with him anyways so I just left, but he didn’t see me. He never ever called me back. So based on this, it is possible that he had another girl he was after and he just didn’t confront you. Anyhow, the good thing is that you didn’t marry this man. I hope you find solace and believe that true love will come knocking on your door!
Post # 25
@MrsTCB: Honestly, even having a post it stating 1 reason would have been better than this
Well he was definately divorced this was confirmed by people who know his ex that actually told me from their own mouths. The other reasons made me laugh, I just wish he gave 1 reason even no matter how bad its better than being treated like a non person by someone who practically used to kissed the ground i walked on
When he first gave me the silent treatment I did ran after him at first but we quickly resolved the whole situation and within 2 months he asked me to marry him, no matter how bad things got we never really went a more than a few hours without contact. Only the period of falling we went a fews days here and there without contact and HE was always the first to call.
@emilymeemee: @pandaboo: @amoret11:
Thank u all for sharing your thoughts. I really helps to know Im not the crazy one who finds this completely uncomprehendable, my mind cant even process it, I keep going over every little detail every single day and we should have been getting married next month. I did think he might have found someone (absolutaly sicking when its someone u were going to marry), but why is he on facebook adding many girls if that is the case? Trying to fill my void?
Please all continue to share your thoughts and I really need words of encouragement as he has shattered my self esteem and belief in myself for a while. I am luckly now I am in a better place but still have days where I feel so low, how can someone you shared so much with do this? knowingly? I didnt even deserve to get dumped?
P.s I really do have a lot going for me, in a good job, loving family and friends, I do consider myself to be a decent hard working, trustworthy person who was ready for marriage, at an age where I was ready to settle down and have kids, people always compliment me on my ‘sweet’ personality and have always been told Im beautiful all the time from strangers to random people to family and friends (sorry I wasnt being shallow) and believe me he was no brad pitt!
Thanks pls keep posting I will keep checking whilst I am at work – It really keeps me going.
Post # 26
@Bessie: I swear to you my best friend could have written this. Pretty much exactly the same thing happened to her. She was dating this guy for about a year and a half, they were house hunting, talking about marriage and kids, etc etc. One day they’re texting about what she’s going to pick up for dinner on the way back home after work (he was pretty much living with her at that point), and when she gets home all his stuff is gone, there’s some cash on the counter and a note that says “Sorry.” I had my issues with him before, but that sealed the deal that he was a huge jerk (to put it politely). She literally obsessed over it for months. I still think she’s depressed to tell you the truth. He never told her why, but she did find out about 6 months later via FB that he was engaged to someone else. Nice huh?
I honestly don’t think you’ll ever find out why. It could be anything. He may have had cold feet. He may have fallen out of love. He may have met someone else. But honestly, conjecturing on the “whys” and “what ifs” are just going to make you nuts. You need to focus on you and doing what gets you to a healthy and happy place. Whatever it is that happened, it was his issue, not yours. I understand you want closure, but you’re going to have to come up with a way to resolve this on your own because it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get it from him. You may want to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you move forward, I know it really helped my friend. I’m really so sorry this happened to you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just focus on you and don’t put anymore energy into him or what could have been. You need to focus on right now and building a new vision of the future for yourself.
Post # 27
I don’t really have any advice or any similar experiences, but I wanted to let you know that it’s a really good thing he left–with or without an explanation (though those are a good thing…) because this man is “unsettled” to say the least. You’re a tough lady, it seems like–you’ll come out the stronger for this whole episode. I wish you the best!
Post # 28
I am so sorry for what your going through. Its the NOT knowing what happened thats the worst part IMO. To be honest, I would try and keep telling yourself he ISNT/WASNT the man you thought he was. And not the type of ‘man’ you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Take it as a blessing from God that this happened for a reason. There is and will be someone else better for you. You WILL find someone. It will be hard to get over but you WILL. I promise!. Marry someone that deserves you b/c his actions (at the end) show you and everyone he doesnt. Why it happened doesnt matter. It clearly wasnt YOU, its him. And he is too much of a p*ssy (sorry to say that) to be honest with you. Like who does that? I WOULD except it from a 20yr guy but 31? My Fiance is 32 and can be immature but not about serious things. GIRL, YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS! You will find your prince charming!
BTW– did he know your family etc? B/c my Fiance made sure to ask my parents persmission before he asked me and he had already bought my Engagement Ring and wedding band.
Be strong love– msg me anytime!
Post # 29
Your situation sounds similar to one I had about 3 years ago. I met someone online, and we had a long distance relationship. Everything was great in the beginning, he proposed, we planned the wedding, and then 3 months before the wedding he called everything off out of the blue!
The weekend he called things off I remember we had had an arguement and the next day he wouldn’t answer any of my calls. It wasn’t until I called his mom to have her tell him he needs to talk to me, when he called he basically said we were over. I didn’t get an explanation as to why, or what I did.
It took me a long time to realize whatever the reason he didn’t want me were HIS issues and not mine! I later found out he got married to another woman the same year we were suppose to!
It took a long time to heal. I have found love again and I’m going to be marrying a wonderful man. My advice is move on with your life, spend time with your friends and family. Looking back I’m thankful my ex called it off he wasn’t right for me(of course I couldn’t see that at the time). Don’t torture yourself with “if i did this, or if i did that.” You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Believe me when I say that. I’m so sorry your going through this, keep your head up, and God Bless.
Post # 30
Wow I had a b/f do that to me when I was a teen and we were only together for 3 months and it was devastating. I don’t know how you can cope with this one. I’d probably have went and knocked on his door. i mean after so long toghether did you have a crapload of your stuff at his house anyway?
Totally bizzar, but yeah I guess some men will go to great lenghts to not have to actually tell you that they want to break up.