Oh, my God. I’ve been there. I was there a few years ago, with my now ex husband. It is scary, and it is awful. I am so sorry it is happening to you right now, no-one deserves this kind of behaviour from anyone, let alone from the person they married. But if he is throwing things at you, counselling probably won’t cut it. Please, please think of your own safety. But here’s my advice as someone who has gone through this, with no money, no resources, no assets, nothing:
The first thing you do is you call someone near you who is your emotional support, and you get them to stay with you, or you go somewhere else. Don’t just stay put alone, if he comes back and it escalates, it could be bad. My ex went from throwing things to nearly breaking my skull on a metal door. So make sure you have people who know what’s going on and know that you might need help.
Make sure, make absolutely sure that you have money in your name that he cannot touch. Not just credit cards, but cash and a checking account of your own. If that means taking out cash from an ATM right now until you can open your own account on Monday, do it. But do not leave yourself without resources.
If you have a law clinic near you, they might be able to refer you to a low-cost divorce attorney. Also, women’s shelters or women’s organizations might also be able to help. I found a divorce attorney who did my divorce for next to nothing — I was working on my Master’s degree at the time, I was a full-time student, and my ex cleaned me out of every cent I had. You need a lawyer, and you need one badly. You can find one that won’t take you to the cleaners. Don’t be afraid to get in contact with charities and groups made to help women. Someone will help you. But get the ball rolling soon.
The other important thing, the thing to do while he is gone, is take inventory of what you own, what you brought with you and what he brought with him, what you bought together, and document it. The things you brought with you to your marriage and the things you bought together are your assets. Be aware of them, take stock of them, from dishes to appliances to your car and computer. I know this all sounds mercenary. But do it now, and that way, if he comes back and things escalate, you have all that information. Also make sure you have all your paperwork — birth certificate, driver’s license, copy of the marriage license, etc — somewhere that you can access, just in case.
This is the moment to take care of yourself. You can do it. You have behaved like an adult, and he’s pitched a fit worthy of an over-grown toddler, and that might be insulting toddlers everywhere. You just have to keep being the adult, protect your assets, and reach out to your network. Reach out to your friends, and keep reaching until someone can help you. You will make it. I was 27 and stupid when my marriage collapsed. I was ruined financially by his gambling and compulsive spending. But I’ve recovered. I’ve got a life of my own, I’m starting a PhD this fall, I have a wonderful partner who wants to marry me. You can also get through this. Be strong. It will be okay. Not right away, not for a while, but it will be. If I can do it, anyone can.