He left me sick and alone at the hotel on NYE

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 136
5972 posts
Bee Keeper

gypsymermaid :  Actually you’re not always safe to be left alone with food poisoning- people have actually been hospitalized & even died from food poisoning. True, most people recover after a day or three by taking care of it as they would a gastrointestinal virus- but IMO the main issue here isn’t whether she could manage to live through the night without his presence, it’s that she asked him to be there for her and he put himself ahead of her and was nasty to her about it. 

If this was your partner who was ill and he asked you to stay with him or even- as OP did- asked you if you could come back by midnight after going out with your friends…..would you seriously turn your back on him and leave him on his own when he was sick and miserable and wanting you to be there with him? Would you yell at him and berate him when you got back, even knowing he was sick and miserable? 

sassy411 :  That and the ice cream 🙂  The thing is- even years later I remember this and it has affected my opinion of these girls (in a good way)….so even if OP chooses (I hope not!) to stay with this dirtbag, she too will remember how he treated her when she needed him and it will affect her opinion/ faith in him (not in a good way). Truly hope she kicks this selfish jerk to the curb, he is by no means a good partner- and she’ll see just how glaring the difference is when she’s with a decent man. 

Post # 139
11858 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

claracogito :  will he have to give birth to have empathy and be supportive if/when you do as well?

Not a good sign that he has to experience something to believe it’s valid. You can tell him we are not impressed. Yes, tell him while he’s vomiting. 

Post # 140
175 posts
Blushing bee

claracogito :  your update is amazing. 

Of course he thinks he has it worse than you.  

Its nice when karma steps in and helps you out with a lesson like this. 

Seeing how you cared for him during this time just shows that he doesn’t deserve you. He needs to really let it sink in how awful he treated you if he expects your forgiveness. 

Post # 142
2554 posts
Sugar bee

claracogito :  Good! Let us know how he feels and how much empathy he has for you when he pushes a kid out of his vagina!

Post # 143
1183 posts
Bumble bee

He sounds immature and selfish and like he cares more about himself/having a good time than you xo

Post # 144
187 posts
Blushing bee

I’m glad he has somewhat come to his senses and realized that it was not okay to leave you alone and with zero sympathy that night. I also don’t think it’s okay that he has to suffer himself first in order to understand that he should have been there for you… But people make mistakes and I can only hope that this was a big wake up call to become a more caring and considerate person rather than just bailing and chasing selfish needs whenever you are in need. If I were you I would wait and see how he reacts in the future. As of now he is in a weak position and dependent on you, so whatever he says at the moment could change again once he is back on his feet. I hope that’s not the case and that he actually has learned a big life lesson from all this! Best of luck, bee.

Post # 145
217 posts
Helper bee

claracogito :
  I hope you leave this guy who clearly thinks about no one but himself. This is not a loving partnership. I would move out whilst he’s not home with nothing but an ambulance membership left on the kitchen table and a note that says “this is so that you have someone else to drive your sorry ass to the ER next time you’re unwell. Bye felicia!”

Post # 146
11807 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I hope you really will do some long, hard, and serious thinking. Basic character and temperament do not change so easily or at all and his issues extend much farther than any one incident. The fact that he had to experience this food poisoning or stomach virus for himself does not speak well for his capacity for empathy or compassion. Even if he didn’t fully understand how sick you were, the verbal abuse and refusal to take your word for needing him there would be a deal breaker for me.

His history with you strongly suggests that if it’s not this situation it’ll be something else. 

Post # 147
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It’s unfortunate that it took HIM getting sick for him to realize what an ass he was to you. That shows continued selfishness and lack of empathy (the ability to put oneself in someone else’s position without literally experiencing the same thing). I’d be careful going forward, bee. 

Post # 148
7857 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This update gave me a rage stroke. That is all.

Post # 149
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

claracogito :  

You’re making a quantum leap here—being sick now doesn’t mean he has suddenly developed a capacity for empathy.  Right now, he’s on his knees, literally, and he needs you.  That’ll blow over soon enough.

He hasn’t changed.  He won’t change.

Not being able to experience empathy is a sign of a disordered character.  It’s who he is and who he always will be.

I’m terribly sorry, Bee.  But, sudden breakthroughs followed by the man changing his ways for the love of a good woman only happens in the movies.  In Real Life, you are much too good for his crap.  

Post # 150
7857 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The fact that he’s claiming he has a worse strand of the illness than you is the most disgusting part of this. A real window into this guy’s self centered, egotistical, heartless psyche. A slap in the face, honestly. By saying he is suffering more than you were, he’s just reaffirming his belief that you overreacted, so no, this experience hasn’t “taught’ him empathy, it’s just given him one more way of demonstrating that he’s a heartless dick who only cares about himself.

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