(Closed) He left me sick and alone at the hotel on NYE

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Nope. A good man would stay with you because you are who he wants to ring in the new year with, no matter what. Red flag, you need to have a really intense convo so he changes his behavior or you need to get out. 

Post # 17
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

His response would be a red flag for me as well. And now he wanted you to meet up with them as well? No. Just no. It’s at least good that you found out this about him before you actually went through with marrying him.

Post # 18
Member
6095 posts
Bee Keeper

How awful.  I’m so sorry but this is a huge red flag. Even when we were dating if i didn’t feel well my husband would stick by me. I hsve some health issues and end of this year i broke my ankle and need (still healing) a ton of help. Please have a serious discussion if you stay. 

How are you feeling? Hugs. 

Post # 19
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I got vey sick at a party and my now fiancé (bf then) emptied out my trash cans of puke and cleaned the shower after I made a horrid mess since at that point neither the toilet or a bucket was enough for both ends.  It was hours of this followed by us both passing out on a strange couch for a couple hours while the party went on upstairs and outside but he stayed right there at my side. I went back and forth a few more times from the toilet to the couch until I felt like I could be away from a toilet long enough for him to drive home.

That is just what you do for someone you love. Granted there is no expectation of hand holding or being glued to my hip while I do atrocious bodily functions but he showed me that he was there no matter what for the long haul. 

You’re guy sounds callous and uncaring. Food poisoning can be serious and regardless it’s horrible and painful for you and he does not seem to care. I wouldn’t be able to have fun knowing my honey was alone,sick and uncomfortable, he shouldn’t either. He should have been there for you. 

Post # 20
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m so sorry you’re sick and he left you alone! This would be a deal breaker for me. He sounds very self-centered, and to be honest, like he doesn’t care about you. What was so important that he had to go out? Did he even get you medicine or something to hydrate yourself? Did he make sure you had a way to contact him if you needed something or felt worse? Did he ask if you felt comfortable being left alone? This could be an indicator of how things might go in the future… hope you feel better!

Post # 21
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee

His response is unkind. That’s not ok. 

However I personally would want my Fiance to enjoy his evening if he could. But that’s me. 

Also I highly suggest you delay your flight if you can. Is there a doctor you can go see? I got some meds from a doc when i came down with food poisioning while out of the country.  Hope you feel better soon:) 

 

Post # 22
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not be ok with this at all. My H would never in a million years leave me if I was that sick. Even if I insisted he go, he still wouldn’t and would rather take care of me. Is do the same for him. 

Post # 23
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

Nope, nope, nope. You deserve better.

Post # 24
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

a lot of people are focusing on how they prefer to be alone when they are sick – i am definitely one of those people – but it doesn’t matter what we prefer. you wanted him there and thats what matters. your fiance wouldn’t stay home and then yelled at you when you expressed that you wanted him to come home. what an ass. your requests were reasonable and didn’t require a Herculean sacrifice on his part. 

perspective: i was on a trip with a couple last week. the girlfriend got super wasted and wandered off. her boyfriend woke me up to go look for her. we found her at 4:30am naked, covered in feces. she had vomited and had diarrhea ALL OVER a hostel bathroom. he got her in the shower while i brought her new clothes and we tucked her into bed before he cleaned the bathroom that was covered in her shit. 

Post # 25
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
tinneranne2 :  oh lord, that must be true love huh?

OP, he should have been there for you when you asked, end of story.  Yes this would raise huge red flags for me. Hope you feel better soon 

Post # 26
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

It’s not just that he wanted to have a good time on this planned getaway, it sounds like he was really mean about it. How would he handle kids ruining all his scheduled events and throwing up all over him? Does he act like a typical man when he’s sick?

I mean, what is there to do, really, as the ball drops at midnight? You cheer and then go home. It’s the drinking it up until that time that’s fun. And that you were so damn sick all by yourself on this holiday that makes it out to be like this one day is a “reset” in time, begin anew, reach goals as better people!

Ditch the fiancee to go have a good time accordingly! I don’t think anyone sees spending the night with anyone sick as a fun, lovely time. But you felt alone, felt awful, and he wasn’t there for you. And feeling no guilt about putting himself first . . . all that with the anger is what worries me.

Post # 27
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
fran01 : it must be. lol. neither of them are easily grossed out, but i about puked from the smell alone. weirdly this is the second instance in a couple years with something like this happening. right before i started dating my husband a coworker of ours got smashed at a house party and shat on his bedroom floor, refused to acknowledge it the next day, and sent her boyfriend over instead to clean it up. i have never been shit-on-the-floor drunk, but apparently its a thing???

Post # 28
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m not sure I would want my Fiance listening to me emptying everything I’ve got in the bathroom, but that’s not the point. You wanted him to stay, and he refused. I’m with PP- has he exhibited traits like this before? What does he expect of you when he’s sick? 

If I were you, I would have a serious discussion with him (when you’re feeling 100% better) and let him know that this behavior is not what you want in a partner and you’re not sure if this is something you can get over. Gauge his reaction…it might be really telling. 

Feel better!! 

Post # 29
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

He’s not a caregiver type, so that might be something to take into account. He also seems a bit immature and self centered. I think our fantasy to have someone sit up with us and hold our hair while we vomit and make soothing tea is pretty unrealistic past the wooing phase, so I’d take this as a small fraction of a bigger whole. Does he meet your main criteria for husband material? I assume he was available to you by phone if your health took a turn for the extreme worse, and would bet money that would be his defense if you played the “health” card.

 

That said, I agree with you that there’s no reason he couldn’t have been back by midnight to ring in the new year with you. He left you alone at midnight and opted to spend it with basically some acquaintances, so that would piss me off way more than him going or calling me dramatic.

Post # 30
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Being dramatic? Absolutely not.

My FI(bf back then) and I went to Mexico last summer and I got very ill (same symptoms). He spend every day with me until I got better. 4/7 days of our vacation at an amazing all inclusive resort was ruined, but he stuck by me everyday. He could have easily went out drinking and hanging by the pool.

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