He left me sick and alone at the hotel on NYE

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly, having someone care for you when you’re sick passed the wooing phase is totally possible. It’s been years and Fiance would never ever leave me alone if I were sick. I had an ovarian cyst burst (I have PCOS, severe) and he literally could not be convinced to leave. Spent the day wetting washcloths and making tea. 

Bottom line, Bee, there are great men out there. Read the stories of previous posters. My ex husband had no sympathy for me. I should have listened to my gut about that. My fiancé now is an angel. They exist, and you deserve to be with someone who cares about you and your illness. 

Post # 77
Member
10675 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

claracogito :  

You will be married to a man who lacks the capacity for empathy. Ponder what that means for your future and and the kind of father he will be.

I also urge you to invest some time researching what that deficit of character is about.

Post # 78
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

This is beyond selfish and a huge red flag!

 

I understand he wanted to go have a good time with his friends for New Years and was probably looking forward to it ……. BUT you should be his top priority. 

 

Its called a sacrifice and we sacrifice for the ones we love. As I tell my teenager all the time – getting what you want all the time is for babies ….adults sacrifice. 

 

 

Post # 79
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He seems immature and like he doesn’t value you.

Post # 80
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Anon721 :  Agreed. Sounds like he was trying to celebrate NYE and she was being overly needy. Just saying.

Post # 83
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2019

tinneranne2 :  Sounds like a case of serious alcoholism. Scenarios like the ones you described are NEVER normal, vacation or otherwise that is just gross. 

Post # 84
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sorry, the link to OP’s former thread didn’t work well from my phone. It’s an eye opener.

OP, unless you want a life of disappointment, I’d cut your losses. None of this is normal.

Post # 85
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The leaving you alone in itself wouldn’t bother me so much, because virtually the exact same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. I felt sick on NYE and went to bed at 9pm, Darling Husband stayed up with his family (we had travelled interstate to spend NYE with them). On NYD I thought I was better and went out to the venue where we’d be spending the day, but got really sick and ended up throwing up for hours. I got a taxi home and Darling Husband stayed – he did offer to come back to our hotel room but all I wanted to do was sleep and cry (I hate throwing up). However, he did not try and make me feel bad about being sick, he didn’t act resentful or treat me like I was ruining his good time, and he didn’t sulk. 

If you have a chronic illness it’s particularly important that you have a supportive partner who is not going to treat your illness like something you’re doing to annoy him. I see his behaviour as a big red flag.

Post # 86
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

weddingmaven :  

Yes, soon as I realised this is the mama’s boy/no proposal for years/visa guy ……………..seriously OP, you have been warned . I’m sorry. 

Post # 87
Member
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My biggest concern would be that if he’s never experienced you having a flare with your Crohn’s, and this is how he reacts to food poisoning, he is NOT prepared to deal with a spouse with a medical issue. So what happens when you DO have a flare? Will he claim you will be fine, there isn’t anything he could do anyway, why shouldn’t he go and have fun? I can envision him telling you that you’re ruining his life because he could be out having fun.

Oh, and I just realized that this is THAT guy. Yikes. You never should have waited around for him in the first place. This “man” is a childish, selfish liar. But you’ve seen what he’s capable of first-hand, so no one should have any sympathy if you go through with marrying this douche canoe.

Post # 88
Member
1204 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

elderbee :  OH SNAP! IT IS THE SAME PERSON!

claracogito :  i would dump him. he does not seem to care at all for your needs. emotionally or physically. especially with having Chrohn’s, that is not an easy illness to deal with. Hell, with or without Chrohn’s, he shouldnt treat you like that AT ALL. NOT AT ALL!. 

Post # 89
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He dragged his feet, first promising a proposal by the first half of 2016, breaking multiple promises over more than a year, including yet another broken promise to propose to you before you had to renew your lease. 

His excuse was feeling “jammed” whatever that means,  and telling you after more than a year that his single mother, with who he shares a close bond is finally “on board.” Your excuse for him is he was showing signs of clinical depression. A meeting with an attorney was necessary before he ever took your visa situation seriously.

My question to you now is, what makes you believe someone who has let you down and misrepresented himself so consistently in the past? What makes you think this time will be any different? 

Post # 90
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I was recently in a similar situation where I got sick the day after Christmas while my fiance and I were hanging out with some of his friends that he does not often get the opportunity to see all together because they’re military and long distance. While we were out, he constantly was checking me to make sure I was ok and was offering repeatedly to take me home even at the cost of seeing his friends (but I refused because I’m stubborn), and once his friends and I made it back to his place, he set me up in bed first before starting to play games with them and was right there without question every time I needed him for something.

That’s how someone who cares about you treats you when you’re sick. Your fiance acted like a brat who couldn’t give a shit about you. I think that tells you everything you need to know. 

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