(Closed) He left me two months before our wedding

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
6929 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

You’ve been together for 4 years, lived together for 3, and he broke up with you via TEXT MESSAGE?!?!

F$%! that guy!!

Post # 3
3607 posts
Sugar bee

What do you do? You run far and fast and never look back. He sounds selfish and unstable.

I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. I hope you are able to bounce back soon.

Post # 4
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
brokendownloser :  Left his family/friends behind as well?  What for?  How about his work, tennis (community or extra curricular activities), etc.  He seems super selfish but for very unknown (shady) reasons.

Post # 5
272 posts
Helper bee

Your fiance broke up with you via text? He couldn’t take the time to sit down and talk to you about his stresses, worries, and doubts first like a grown up? Or hell, even take the time to break up with you IN PERSON? Screw that guy. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings whatsoever. To him, only he matters.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how painful it must be. But you do not deserve to be treated that way and I hope you never get back together with him. You’re worth more than that.

Post # 6
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

You move on.

In no way do you want to marry a man who cannot handle pressue and will leave you stranded while he runs away from lifes problems.  You want a partner who will stand by you through the good and the bad.

Post # 7
10491 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You don’t marry a dude who abandoned you and informed you via a text message he is calling off your marriage. Count yourself lucky you didn’t marry him and move on.

Post # 8
159 posts
Blushing bee

That guy is a terrible person. I think people have every right to change their minds and decide to cancel the wedding etc. BUT it needs to be done with respect. What he did was plain cruel. He doesn’t know what he wants. He is immature and playing with your emotions.

You dodged a bullet in a long term. 

But I am sorry this happened to you. Make sure you focus on people in your live that truly care for you. Don’t let him manipulate you. 

Post # 9
1260 posts
Bumble bee

I am stunned by this. I would be devastated and cry and scream and freak out but seven weeks later that would have been 5 weeks since it turned into pure rage at the douche canoe that after 4 years broke up with you through a text message. That’s just low.

He’s stressed out so he runs? That’s how he deals with things? Life isn’t always smooth sailing. Are you going to live your life wondering if he will do the same thing every time things get hard?

I think you dodged a bullet and should do your best to move forward without him.

Post # 10
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Wow – I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  

I know how hard it is.  I was effectively “ghosted” by my ex-fiance 5 months before our wedding date.  Like you, almost everything was paid for, and everything seemed fine.  Then one night he said he’d call me the next day, but he didn’t…and he wouldn’t answer the phone or answer my texts either….and didn’t for the next 5 or so days…  It was complete and utter hell, and I truly am sorry that you’re going through anything even remotely similar.

Like your ex (?), once my ex-fiance did finally respond to me, he too said that he still wanted to marry me but that there were other issues that he needed to address first.  I believed him and gave him a second chance and told him that we would work through the issues that I didn’t previously know existed.  We postponed the wedding.

Then he did it again, about 4 months later.  This time he did it by canceling my plane ticket to spend the holidays together — and he let me know by sending a text as I was on the way to the airport!  After he sent the text, he refused to answer his phone or respond to any of my texts.  I felt the rush of anger and pain and unbearable emotions surge through my body.  It was hell all over again — one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

So I guess I’m just trying to say that I wouldn’t believe your ex (?) when he says that he still wants to marry you.  If he’s such a coward that he can’t discuss his concerns with you in person before he runs away, he is unlikely to learn to be a decent man before the next time an issue arises between you two.  

You need to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start all over again — without him.  And take care of yourself.  Stop drinking (at least so much), and start exercising and pampering yourself.  Distract yourself in any (healthy) way that works.  I traveled and hiked a lot, but what works for you may be something completely different.

I’m so sorry for your pain, and I wish I could take it away for you, but you’ll have to work through it yourself.  But once you do, you’ll find that you’re better off without him, and there ARE plenty of other good men out there — I promise.   I met my (now) husband almost exactly two years after the asshole ex ghosted me the second time.  It took me about a full year of not dating to recover, and another year of casual dating to meet my husband, but it did happen.  And it will for you too.

Post # 11
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m so sorry this happened. This is not a relationship that can be saved. Cut off communication and try your best to move on.

Post # 12
54 posts
Worker bee

Please do not go back to him.  I agree with the other posters that he sounds unstable and selfish, you can never trust that he wouldn’t abandon you again and from experience, just that insecurity alone can be enough to ruin future attempts. He broke the trust, you two were supposed to be a team and he should have been able to express his feelings and consider yours.  

Post # 13
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

And put down the vodka bottle.

Post # 14
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am so sorry this happened to you! I’ve had my share of bad breakups, but THIS sounds like the mother of all hell!

I’ve been dumped via text before….by fuckboys or idiots I dated casually in college. A FOUR YEAR relationship ending via text seems UNREAL to me! I don’t know you or him, so I am hesitant to judge. But he sounds like he is either unstable OR had been ‘playing’ you for a little while until he could leave. No SANE person makes a decision like this seemingly on a dime!

Please please PLEASE love and respect yourself enough to not go back to this man! He humiliated you and disrespected you on such a large scale! I know it hurts like hell, and it will for a while. But a man like that will only hurt you again and again!

Post # 15
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Either he seriously had a mental breakdown or he is seeing someone else.

The fact that he is talking now makes me think he didn’t have a mental breakdown though.

Where is he? Who is he with?

I know its not nice to assume but people do strange things like this (run away 2000 miles from home) when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.

Im sorry you’re going through this. And even if he was truly stressed, and he had every “right” to run, I don’t see how you 2 would bounce back from this. Hugs!!

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