Thank you so much for your replies. I am sitting here in bed, in the dark, trying to sleep and I can’t. It hurts so much, and this entire room is surrounded with things that remind me of him. The room upstairs is where all the wedding stuff is, and the couch in the living room is where he used to sleep when he spent the night. I feel like I cannot escape from this :(.
Three people know. My mom, my best friend, and a friend from out of state who I asked to change my profile and cover pictures on facebook, and hide my relationship status. My work will know tomorrow because I’m calling in. I can’t bring myself to say anything to anyone else right now though. I don’t really want to do anything until I talk to him, but at the same time, I know there’s no way in hell we’re getting married now.
To answer a couple of questions/speculations, we are not in a long distance relationship. We live 10 minutes away from each other. In the email he said he would be out of state for awhile. He’s going on a business trip to Virginia April 1st-3rd. I suspect that he left early, and is on the plane as I write this. Which makes me think that he’s been planning this, which makes it much, much worse.
I do not think he is cheating. He doesn’t really have the time to, and he’s really not sly enough to. He was having second thoughts about getting married, which I guess manifested in turning off his phone and hopping a plane after sending a breakup e-mail to his partner of five years. Though I guess if he can do that, he can also cheat. I think I’d prefer to find that out when I’m not completely and utterly traumatized.
The photographer thing will work out. He said he would give most of the money my parents have already spent back, but it’s probably more than he anticipated. I don’t care. He can send more. If he’s going to dump me over e-mail, which is less thought and consideration than I gave the job I worked at for three days when I resigned, then I will happily take his money. I’m going to calll her (or rather, my mom is going to call her because I can’t really talk anything wedding-related) in the morning and see if there’s anything we can do. Since our wedding was going to be on a Wednesday, she might be willing to just take the deposit.
It just occurred to me that his brother has three of my movies…I’m probably never getting those back now. I keep thinking of all these stupid “tidy-up” things that I need to take care of, which is ridiculous because I just got dumped over friggin e-mail. When I got the e-mail I was in a coffee shop. I’m pretty sure I spilled chai all over myself but I didn’t care. I marched straight to my car and screamed. I’ve never screamed so much in my entire life and I still want to.
I’ve spent five year building a life with this person, and I was planning on building the rest of my life with him. I just found out today that I got a graduate instructorship at the college I got in to, so now I have two choices of schools. One is an hour and a half away, one is almost 10 hours away. I was leaning towards the farther away one, but now that he’s left me, I don’t know what to do. I feel like this has come at the worst possible time, and that he has ruined everything because he was too scared to communicate with me aboout how he was feeling. I knew he was having second thoughts–I wanted to talk about them last night and he said it was too late, that we’d talk about them tomorrow. And then, today, he left.
I feel broken.