(Closed) He left on a jet plane. Literally.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kissme_cait:  Sometimes you have to see what you DONT want in order to see what you do. Seems like the grad school choice is going well. That’s a HUGE positive! 🙂

Still thinking of you and I cant imagine how you feel. One day you will wake up and feel good. You just need time. Trust me 🙂 and all the other ladies that have shared their stories.

Post # 124
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Keep venting and ranting…you MUST do these steps in order to heal…is part of the grieving process. But I promise you, after a few hours, you’ll flip to…”Oh what I wouldn’t give to be in his arms and walking down the isle to marry him!

Then later, you’ll wonder if this is just a dream…pinch yourself, then realize its real and he’s gone and did you wrong.

You’ve got so many here supporting you and I’m sure you’re beyond wishing you were doing the same as many of the members here…planning their big day or selling their goodies making way for bigger homes…so i love with their new husband while your “man” doesn’t have the cajonies enough to talk to you.  Maybe is because he doesn’t want to see you cry, or hear you beg or make him feel more guilty.

Driving by his place or making excuses to see him by taking things over to him is just extending your pain. He does NOT want to see or hear from you period! YES…thats incredibly painful and I’m sorry you’re hurting. You have every right to be angry BUT…the guy just doesn’t want to marry you! And you MUST find a way to move on and accept this….but I agree, you must go thru a grieving process.

The years you had together is NOT a waste of time…it was time spent growing up and learning about life. You must put all this into perscpective….what if these last 5 yrs you’ spent battling a major illness ALONE!…or spent 40 yrs being married to the best man on earth and then having to watch him suffer with terminal illness, while you yourself battled health issues as well.

Count your blessings! You have SOOOO much to be thankful for…you really do! I suggest you make a list of all the good things you have to be grateful for…things like good health, sound mind, can see to drive…have a vehicle…money for gas, an education…parents and family who love you.

This is NOT the last man on earth and there are plenty of good men still out there…I promise you this…in a few months…thats if you haven’t gone back to “mr chickenshit”…you will be dating and enjoying new relationships and maybe you’ll meet Mr Right who will give you all that you dreamt of while dating Mr CS!

Please read my story about Bob…OMG!…I am soooo thankful he “let me go”…because I wouldn’t want my life any other way as it is now…and certainly living in a cheap apartement instead of having so much like our beautiful home out in the country, 2 brand new luxuary cars in our driveway and a very nice RV…all paid for!  I love my husband Larry…we just celebrated our 39th wedding anny…but life has been filled with bitter disappointments, a lot of pain and suffering, heartaches and too many trials to mention here….but this has taught me to be who I am now and to have compassion and love and caring for those who are less fortunate than we are.  Getting out and helping others is the BEST way to get over heartaches and disappontments as it shows us that WE are NOT the only person on earth and teaches us to be thankful for all the blessings we do have!

As far as work…ask your doctor to give you a perscritoion/letter to take some time off from work…their pressuring you is unfair as you are dealing with a life crisis and need time off to deal with your feelings! 

Their lack of planning does not make it YOUR emergncy! Don’t allow them to bully you or belittle you for not coming into work after their offering you few days off!  There are laws to protect employee’s who are suffering crisis/family issues and they need to back off!  Depending on where you live, there’s state and federal agengencies who help protect employee’s against bullying employers…but I hope they’re not as bad as you’re worried about.

STOP torturing yourself by making excuses as to why you need to take his items back!  If he wants the stuff bad enough, then HE will contact you…if not, then put it into a donation box after giving him a letter of intent to dispose of his personal property!…do NOT use his stuff as HOOKS…to force him into facing you because he does NOT wish to see or talk to you…this is most clear, but you cannot accept this just yet.

I know I’m sounding harsh here and I’m sorry, But I know what I’m saying is true as I’m much MUCH older than you! I’m 60! and I’ve been down this road and have a lifetime of experiences with so much!  But this doesn’t mean I’m insensitive, as my heart goes out to you.  I’m just offering my advice and wishing you the best way to heal, grieve and move forward as you have your life ahead of you and one day you will look back and say…That old lady sure knew what she was saying and I’m so thankful I took her seasoned advice as I’m so happy now that I’ve found a real man who isn’t a chickenshit immature male!

Blessings to you and please keep us updated!

 

Post # 125
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

just checking in to let you know im thinking of you and supporting you. it is better that you found out now but i think its prob. just as difficult as a divorce. one minute, one hour, one day at a time. update when you can. 

Post # 126
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Just for clarification…Didn’t want people to think I was telling some untruths.  But I was dumped by 2 guys…1st when I got PG by older guy when I was 17, I wrote about him in my 1st post, where he’d dumped me in the PG clinic parking lot….and then by this Bob guy 2 yrs later…was after these 2 that Larry and I became a couple as we’d just been friends who dated others.  I know it sounds like I was a wild gal, but I didn’t have parents who cared or loved me and I was on my own at very early age. After marrying Larry I got my education and today you’d never know I was “that girl” (derogatory=that girl) …anyway…I hope Kiss-me-Cait will understand…perhaps her fiance couldn’t tell her how he truly felt because maybe she wouldn’t let him?…or he was just a real coward. period!

Post # 127
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kissme_cait:  You are so incredibly strong to be dealing with this the way you are. You deserve someone just as courageous.

Post # 128
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok darlin!

Post # 129
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m late on this, but I am so sorry this happened to you. It broke my heart reading it. You are very clearly a strong person and are handling this so incredibly well.

I’m glad that you are at the angry stage and not the depressed stage. I liked your comment about being wittier, it will help. Everything sucks right now, but you’re such a good person, you will find someone amazing who deserves you.

Since you left his stuff on his doorstep, I hope a bird craps on it.

Post # 130
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i just read through this whole thing and i am heartbroken for you, but i have tosay that i am really moved by all the bees coming through with stories of getting through such a terrible experience.

being dumped by the guy you thought you would spend the rest of your life with is not easy. i moved to this city just to be with mine and the day i moved up – as we started unpacking my car -he told me that even though we had been talking about engagement he couldnt marry a non-Latino girl (race was a HUGE issue for his mother). it was brutal, since there was nothing i could do to change it, and there had never been a sign that he cared what his family thought. to say that i was angry was an understatement. it took me a LOOOOONG time to put all that anger away; i won’t bore you with the details.

i ran into him 2 years ago and he was with his fiancee, so pale and freckled that i looked like jessica alba in comparison. i figured i should be angry, but all i thought was, “thank jeebus i am not that girl”… and i had not even met my Fiance yet.

the point is that this will be a loss you grieve for a while, in ways both big and small. some days will be easy and others not so much. you lost a best friend, and a future. you maybe know intellectually that you are better off but dont put so much pressure on yourself to “get over it” immediately. that is the worst thing about our society IMO, we view sadness and grief as a weakness. they are a natural part of the growth process. you are strong and you will come out of all this even stronger!

 

Post # 132
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oh gosh…bless your heart…I’ve been reading your updates… my heart goes out to you

Post # 133
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve been following this thread alot.  I hope everything is going well! Update us!!Smile

Post # 135
Member
13 posts
Newbee

yeah i hope things are getting better!! interested in an update!

Post # 136
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sending good happy thoughts your way!

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