(Closed) He lied-I’m upset. am I crazy?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh wow. I would have a problem with him lying about that if he had a history of cheating in past relationships, too.

Why is he still so interested in talking to his ex-wife? Yeah, ok, great that they’re civil but I don’t think full blown text conversations are ok. And lying to you about the picture when you already seemed to know is just shady.

I wish I had better advice, but I would just say trust your gut. It was right before. Lots of hugs and sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Gosh, that’s tricky.  I think its great that you’re not a jealous person because him just communicating with his ex-wife woule be difficult to deal with.  I wouldn’t be upset if he sent the picture of your son to her.  It seems as though he’s just proud of his little boy.  He was silly for lying about it.  He may have been sweating bullets just because he wasn’t sure what your reaction would be to a lengthy conversation, however harmless it was, with an ex.  In the end, I don’t really see anything you can do.  This isn’t a deal breaker and you say you trust him so I’d try to leave this incident alone. 

Post # 5
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah i think he’s acting fishy. I’d sit him down and tell him his behavior has led you to raise questions about what’s going on. Tell him he’s a bad liar, LOL. Something’s not right and I”d be DOUBLY anxious, knowing he cheated on his ex wife.

Post # 6
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would be very concerned in your shoes. I think he is hiding other things and it is more that you’ve found out.  I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a deal-breaker, but this seems like a moment in the relationship to discuss all that stuff. And he needs to come clean in my opinion. Good luck and I’m sorry this is happening.

Post # 7
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that’s def. a difficult situation. If he has a history of cheating then he needs to do everything he can to prove to you he is a changed man, even though he isn’t cheating on you, his history will make you wonder, especially when still talking to his ex. I would tell him you don’t like him talking to her, it makes you uncomfortable and you think he should stop out of respect to you his future wife! Also I would be pissed if I had a child and my Fiance was sending pics of our baby to his ex.

like @laboroflove says it’s ok to be civil with an ex but text or any long conversation like that should be a big no no. How would he feel if the situation was reversed? Maybe you should ask him that.

Post # 8
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think you have a right to be concerned.  I agree with ejs4y8 that you should sit him down and have a conversation with him.  Explain that you aren’t upset he is talking with his ex-wife, but that because he lied you are concerned he may be lying about other things, etc.  Esp with his past.  Have you guys discussed his past in detail?  I am a little more jealous than you seem to be, so unless there was a lot of discussion about his cheating past I would be super nervous.  Hopefully you guys can work something out.  *HUGS*

Post # 11
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

WHOA. He reluctantly talked about his cheating before and now is shutting you out when you did absolutely nothing wrong? Big red flags here! I think your gut is right, and I think you might benefit a lot from talking to a relationship counselor to try to figure out if this is just how he feels about his privacy or if he is really hiding something. However, I suspect that pictures might be at fault here, and especially if he’s defensive about it. Are you sure it’s just the picture of your son? You can’t be sure because of the way he’s acting, so maybe you ought to tell him that.

Good luck!! I hope he figures out how much of a jerk he’s being and turns his attitude around!

Post # 12
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you are serious about marrying this person, then I suggest some premarital counseling to get everything out in the open.

While my Fiance never cheated (on me or anyone), I had a major issue with him still keeping in contact with his ex.  There were at least two times I caught him having emailed or IMing her when he said he wouldn’t.  I put it out there that either he gets over this thing or we are done (very long history/story, too much to get into).  He stopped; the only time I have to worry is around their birthdays (a few weeks apart), as last time he initiated something by contacting her first.  We’ll be married by then so we’ll see how that works (though I may tackle the issue before the final I dos are said).

Bottom line, we’ve gone out of our way to get any and all things out on the table before we make this final commitment; because as crappy as it may be to break up now, I’d rather that than having to go through a divorce years later. 

No guys gets all panicky if he’s not doing anything wrong…

Post # 14
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

It seems he has a VERY bad habit that you should be VERY concerned about.  And that is lying to your face, then backpeddling when confronted with the truth.  He didn’t just lie once, he kept lying to you!  I think that you have every right to be suspicious, and while I’m no home-wrecker, I think you need to honestly asses where your relationship is right now.  He is destroying your trust in him and blaming you for it.  That is a big red flag.  You should try to get to the bottom of it, or else let him know that this is something you cannot tolerate.  Everyone has their lovebusters, and dishonesty is my number three.  Where on the list is it for you?

Post # 16
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I hate it when men lie because they dont want us to be upset, like, HELLO, we will be even more upset finding out that they lied, duh! Why does he have to act suspicious if there isnt any wrong in the doing? I would be pretty upset and of course think there is something up.  You definatley have to work on trust issues before getting married or it will just get worse

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