(Closed) He lied to me!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m going to be honest. I started skimming a bunch of the responses on here, because it sounded like insecure, petty girls just ranting about their own issues. Attractiveness isn’t the issue here. The issue is that your boyfriend has not been honest.

Like others have said, I would wait until everything’s cool, you’re not actively arguing about it… then just bring it up. Instead of asking an “entrapment” style question of, “Do you have a crush on her,” tell him how you’re FEELING. Explicitly say, “I feel kind of weird, almost jealous, that you talk about so and so so much. Why DO you talk about her so much?” You might be thinking and creating these dramatic things in your mind of, “He knows how I feel, but he keeps talking about her, etc.,” when really, he might not be thinking any of that all. 

The “name slip” might also not feel like a big deal to him, but hell, *I* think that’s something to consider.

Long story short: talk to him. Don’t fight with him–actually have a “discussion.” If he still seems shady, rather than “creep” on the internet, in phones, etc… start looking to go elsewhere. Even if this guy isn’t cheating, honesty is a big issue, and he’s clearly lied. Bring THAT up to him if the initial conversation doesn’t work.

Post # 48
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

Did I miss something here?  Did he lie about something other than her looks?

 

Post # 49
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

It might be nothing. Or it might be something. Take the advice to just let it cool off and then bring it up again in a few days if you’re really concerned.

Post # 51
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

 

I was on the flip side of this at one of my past jobs.

Lets just say I had a very angry girlfriend come in and told me to stay away from her man. I had no idea who she was and I did not find her boyfriend (my coworker) attractive at all! I also hardly ever talked to him unless it was work related. I told her this, but after she made a point to come in everyday that he and I were working together. I was just so confused about the whole thing! It was also so embarrassing to have this girl yelling at me in front of customers who really did not know the situation. It had died down after the two of them broke up which wasn’t very long after….

That being said, the fact that he had a girlfriend was never brought up. Everybody at work just assumed he was single.

So, I have no idea what happened, why she got angry or what had been said about me if anything.

My husband will bring up females at work. Not very often though and I have met all of them during the company’s picnics and holiday parties. A couple of them are attractive, but really nice and they never made me feel insecure.

Post # 52
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to tell you to do something controversial….SNOOP!  Can you get a hold of his phone?  Access his emails?  Check his internet history?  Credit card receipts?  I know this sounds crazy but if somethings going on you can almost guarantee you’ll find it that way.  If nothing is going on, you’ll find nothing and you can be at peace.

Post # 53
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@Cady:  The exact same t hing has happened to me! and I was stunned…like wtf is she talking about I barely know her bf outside of work…..

Perhaps my name came up in conversation and it snowballed somehow?

I have no idea

At least 1 time I had no idea that the guy had a live in gf of 3 years…I had no interest in him and never saw him outside of work…but in all of the times that I talked about my fiance he never once brought up his gf

Post # 54
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@soonergirl518:    ….and when he finds out, and dumps her for being INSANE and snooping through his stuff (credit card statements…are you SERIOUS?!), what advice will you give her when she posts about her breakup?   Especially if this all turns out to be nothing?

You’d feel “at peace” after snooping through your BF’s private things and finding out he did nothing to deserve you violating him?  I’d feel like a total asshole, but maybe thats just me.

 

 

 

OP – Calmly (emphasis on calmly) bring this up again.  You can say “hey, you talk about this chick a LOT… maybe you don’t even realize how much you do… whats the deal?” and take it from there.

 

Post # 55
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@sylvia.riggle:  hmmm…I think the fact that they never brought up their girlfriend kinda says something…

Post # 56
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As for the OP you should calm down. Maybe you have something to worry about-but it’s probably in your head. The only thing you’re doing now is aggravating the situation to the point that your fiance may never tell you anything again!

I would ask him why he lied about her appearance, but calmly.

You should be able to tolerate your SO bringing up a coworker in your presence, he should be able to show you his presentation for work and be able to tell you this coworker made it without you flipping out. 

I’m not trying to be harsh with you but it seems like you’re overreacting and you may create a self-fulfilling prophecy if you continue on this path.

It’s sometimes intimidating to know that our SOs have relationships with others at work that we have no control over–and the possibility of infidelity is everywhere–but you will certainly ruin a relationship if you’re contantly accusing your partner of cheating and treating him like a criminal for no good reason

Post # 57
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@Cady:  True–I was so freaked out I stopped talking to the guy completely

 

But another time a guy wouldn’t shut up about his girlfriend–how awesome she was, how they were getting married, couldn’t wait to have kids with her

And then she sends me some random text ‘stop talking to my boyfriend’

I was like……what……we work in the same room….are you serious….

It was so out of the blue

Post # 58
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Well, I would be blunt with him and tell him how you feel. If you don’t like it, let him know. If my Fiance lied to me, I would be upset with him… Looks aren’t everything, that’s for sure. Is it possibly how he sees her to be? Can you go into his work on his lunch break or something?

Post # 59
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe he was trying to ease your worrying. When people work closely together, they end up talking about each other to their spouses. My fiance tells me all about the people he works with. Just because he talks about her, doesn’t mean he’s interested in her.

Talk about it with him. Don’t make it a big deal. There is probably a reasonable explanation.

I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 60
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it depends on how he is talking about her rather then how often. Like a PP has said, I talk about silly things my coworkers do alot of the time with my husband. I know what car they drive, because well I kinda see them out in the parking lot on a daily basis. When all you do is work, then these people start to become like your friends.

If he talks about this coworker with complete admiration and about how amazing she is then yeah there might be a problem. But otherwise, it could be no different then how he would be talking about a male coworker that he has friended.

Post # 61
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@bakerella:  OMG! Wow, that’s really messed up of your ex. Wow, glad you found out when you did!

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