(Closed) He lied to me!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is strange.  My SIL was talking about her boss way too much.  The whole family thought it was weird, and it straight up pissed off my husband.  She lied about things about him (“he’s divorced”, etc).  Come to find out this guy’s wife shows up to their house.  They are “in love” blah blah blah.  Phone records prove everything.

These two have been together 15 years, she quit her job & they are working on their marriage.

I guess what I am trying to say is you are not crazy.  What you feel inside is not you being some emotional wreck.  I think generally people have a good idea when something is not right.  If he’s going to be your husband and you can’t get the truth from him, you’d better find it before it’s too late.

Hoping for the best… our whole family was in denial for awhile.

Post # 108
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@Sunfire:  I rather snoop than find myself married to a liar that isn’t being up front with me.  I really don’t think it has anything to do with dignity.

Post # 109
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Leland:  Haha!  Good point.  😉

Post # 110
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@deetroitwhat:  I know a lot of people snoop. 

Personally I would feel too creepy about it, as though I were violating someone’s privacy.  I was only saying I don’t do it and my reason for not doing it.  But I am not judging anyone else if they do. 

Post # 111
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@Sunfire:  It’s never fun to be in that position.  And it’s a horrible thing to think about.  I think technology has evolved the level we’re involved in other people’s lives.  We have all these avenues now before we didn’t have — and it’s a logical source of information when you feel alienated from someone you know so well.  A sad source of survival I guess :/

Post # 112
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@Sunfire:  I’m definitely an anti-snooper.  If I trust them, I have no reason to snoop.  If the trust is gone, however, that’s a different story!

Post # 113
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@deetroitwhat:  Yes, true.  I would hate to be in that position, to have the gut feeling you can’t trust someone.  I have been cheated on before (by an ex) and I knew in my gut that something was wrong, I even had bad dreams about it.  But I never did snoop, I just point blank asked him.  Then he denied it.  Then I caught him red-handed, by accident, because he was just stupid and so was she.  I thought about snooping back then, believe me, but I decided not to go there in the end.  I found out everything I needed to know anyway, so it all worked out the way it was supposed to.

Post # 114
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Very similar situation with me. SO was talking about a classmate from grad school. They started working on projects together and I kept feeling weird about it. He atually told me he didn’t know anything personal about her at all. I kept feeling weird.

so, I snooped. Found about 1000 texts in the phone bill in one month. We share a phone account so I didn’t do anything deceptive to get access to it, but it’s still snooping. Called girl, met girl, found a cheater in SO. Was it wrong to snoop? I don’t think so. It was wrong for him to cheat and lie. cheating and lying trumps snooping any day of the week.

The only thing is though, I KNEW I would find something terrible when I snooped. I KNEW he was cheating in my gut. But, considering we own a home together, and had a lot invested together, I needed to prove it in order to call things off and leave. I couldn’t walk out of the door without telling him I knew everything. He could no longer tell me I was being insecure, and jealous. I wasn’t those things, I was right.

So, I wouldn’t recommend snooping unless you KNOW something is seriously going on. That’s where the trust comes in. Talking about a coworker a lot and finding out she looks different than he described is not cheating. I would give it time and wait it out to see what happens.

Time will usually tell you what you need to know.

 

Post # 115
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This isn’t a subject any of us can give you the answer to… truth is you have to know in your gut if something is wrong… I talk about my coworkers all the time and so does my fiance. he works with mostly women and we are good friends with a lot of them and hang out wiht them regularly. never felt weird about his relationship with them and he’s never had a problem with my relationship with my male co-workers…. but here’s another scenario – my ex fiance worked with girls and he even told me about one girl that he thought i would really get along with. said we should all get together sometime. thought i’d really like her…. I met her and didn’t care for her… thought she seemed a little too interested in every word my ex had to say. then one night after we had been out for drinks he was passed out and his phone kept going off. i had never gone through his phone and had never felt the need (not the jealous/suspicious type) but i looked at it and he had texts from her and he had been responding… they were saying very explicit things… she sent an inappropriate picture he told her he wished she was laying in bed next to him… obviously i woke him up and made him leave… at 3AM… but this just goes to show you that talking about coworkers doesn’t mean anything… but go with your gut

The topic ‘He lied to me!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors