Post # 1
I’ve posted my story here before. Basics are we were first relationships post divorce in our 40s. We dated over a year, considered marriage, we both freaked some because we had major political/ religious/money differences. He was awesome. A doctor, who was the kindest man I ever met. Even though very wealthy he was so sweet and helped everyone. We were deeply in love. I worried first over our differing views. He for months talked me out of he tree. Showed me he loved me a million ways. Then about a year into it he starts pulling back and worrying over our differences. He gets hurt at this time and needs major spinal surgurY. Keeps saying he will feel more confident after surgery. He needs space. I give him space take marriage off the table. 3 more months of this go by. “Be close to me, I need you I am afraid we will divorce if we marry. So give me more time to figure out what I need”
So I wait it out. From June through August in this limbo. Surgery is a mess. Keeps being delayed to get control swelling first. He is in terrible pain and loses temper easy. Was never like this before. Kept being patient. Finally say I was going to break things off give him all the space and let him get through this. But would still help him. He then says no I can’t live without you. Just bear with me.
Again I wait. He still is more distant with me and we hardly dated at all throug the suer to give him space. Finally sept I say I can’t stay in limbo. He says he knows I can’t wait forever. He is still afraid and feels he is too overwhelmed for a relationship and I should do what I need to do. heartbroken but we vow to be there for each other. He says he knows in a few months he will feel better and maybe it will work then or he may just never get back in a relationship. he knew he didn’t make his wife or me happy fully and he was beginning to think being alone may be best for him. That he has a lot to figure out.
this was a month ago. I am close friends with his bus. Mgr and she tells me yesterday he has been seeing someone about 3 weeks, nothing serious and that he was still telling her he didn’t want another relationship. So I check his Facebook and look at comments posted between her and our mutual friends and find out they are on a trip together! I am so very devastated. He lied to me last month. He was already either seeing her or talking with her. And already taking trips. Really? Icouldn’t believe it. I just can’t figure why he lied. We were broken up. He didn’t have to tell me all that crap about not getting imto a relationship. Certainly didnt have to say he would have things figured out better in 6 months and maybe it would work better. I’m just so shocked. He never lied to me and was always so careful to not hurt my feelings or anyone’s. But he lied, and have me hope and I felt in my heart he was scared and in pain from that injury and would snap out of it. He even said he would snap out of it. It’s like a knife in my chest. She posted a comment to one of our friends about how beautiful it was and she was waiting for him to wake up. my stomach dropped when I saw that. 3 weeks and he’s sleeping with her and taking luxury trips. 3 freaking weeks. I talked with his mgr again and she was like you know he’a just having sex and she can’t possibly mean anything to him. But it hurts so bad.
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
twu123: I’m sorry you’re going through this. He shouldn’t have lied to you. You’re better off though. Be thankful you’re not with that loser. You deserve happiness, but you have to want it. Dwelling on the past wont help you heal.
Post # 3
twu123: The pain you are feeling now is likely saving you from greater pain if you had stayed with him.
Post # 4
This is one of those situations where it hurts really, incredibly bad right now… but 6 months down the road you will look back and be grateful you aren’t with this guy.
He seems like the type of person who is all about himself, which is why he strung you along. Now he is with someone else… and eventually he will do the same to her.
I say, don’t even bother looking at the facebook pictures or talking to his manager. Cut all ties and start the healing process. I am sure you don’t believe it right now BUT something better is around the corner.
Post # 5
Thanks for the encouragment. We all know in our mind that someone that would do you this way isn’t worth hurting over. And later I will be so glad I didn’t marry him if that is the way he is. Because that’s deceptive and so manipulative. But even though my miNd knows these things my heart is a raw wound right now. I want to not think of it, or of how good he USED to be. But oh how hard to actually do that. The bad thing was I had come out of a 21 yr marriage that we had a lot of bickering and it killed the love. He eventually ha an affair. we divorced. When I met this man he erased all that. I loved him more in that 1 year than I loved my husband. The crazy, crazy ironic thing is my ex husband came crawling back last week. Bawling and begging me to forgive him. I still had such feelings for my ex boyfriend I have been so torn. I guess this is god working this all out. But I am so scared to trust him again. He has been so mean an said the most terrible things through the divorce. He was terribly jealous of my relationship with my boyfriend. He told me all this. I have so many conflicting feelings. I know my kids would be so very happy if we get back together. But if we don’t I don’t want another disappointment. And I don’t know how to really trust again and can i truly forgive. Then all this with my ex boyfriend. Is driving me crazy. I’m so deeply hurt. I can’t let go of him and know I have to. It’s hurting to so much not to let go. Why are men so selfish and do such stupid things without thinking. How do you move forward, risk another hurt and let go of great love all at the same time??
Post # 6
twu123: I remember this story! So we are getting a follow up. I’m sorry it’s not the ending to your story that you wanted, but I agree with other PPs and it’s lucky you found out now. I did something similar where I did not listen to my gut and I actually married the guy. Big mistake! We need to learn to listen to that little voice inside. Please take care, you deserve better than being strung along.
Post # 7
I don’t normally do this but this post CAN’T BE REAL. In this post you say you just came out of a 21 year marriage and are in your 40’s, but in an older post about a year ago you say you’re 20?!
Post # 8
Please give yourself time to process this. I’d even suggest that you learn to be OK and happy alone before you make any decisions regarding your ex wanting another chance. It’s tempting to jump into the arms of someone when you’ve been hurt, just remember that your Ex is an ex for a reason.
Post # 9
akazan: Saw that too. Either the old post is fake, this one is fake, or all of them are fake.
Post # 10
SoccerBee86: Ya so weird. In one of the other posts she also mentions being young and then dealing with a teenage son or something too, which would lead me to believe she had her son at 13? Who knows.
Post # 11
So which is the real story? I read this post and her very first post and my little ole head is spinning!
Post # 12
I think SHE lied to US. Time for us to move on.
Post # 13
Well thanks for thinking this is all a lie. I am 41. I have a now 21 year old daughter (who had health problems I have mentioned) and a now 17 yr old son. I married my high school sweet heart at 18 and had my first child at 20. We were married 21 years and my divorce was final this year, after an 19 month separation at which time I began dating the boyfriend I mention so much.
My 21 yr old daughter made this sign on when she was engaged(a year ago when she was 20) and then she and her fiance broke up over a year ago. she posted about it and showed me the responses. I had never seen this site before then. She used it when planning her wedding. I’m not sure how much she posted when she used it. When I went through my separation aNd divorce I had googled some of my issues an old messages here came up. So I decided to post. She was home from college that weekend and said she never used this anymore And gave me her sign on and passwords. I just posted under her sign on. I guess it’s confusing. I didn’t even know her old stuff was still on there, I thought she deleted it. I have never been one to post on boards and if she never showed me this one I wouldmy have posted here. But I did find that objective advice from strangers is helpful. Because all your friends and family are biased. So anyway. That’s what the deal is. If all her old stuff is there too I can see it’s confusing. If you just look at the past posts from like november on, those are mine. That’s about when all the stuff with my boyfriend came up.
Post # 14
This is not the first time he lied to you. This is the first time you found out.
Stop trying to figure out why he did what he did. It doesnt matter. You will drive yourself crazy. Get out of his head and stay in your own.
Cut contact. Stop looking at his facebook. It is hard (I have been there) but you will get over it but you have to go through the process and it starts with separating yourself from his life.
You can do this. It is hard. It will hurt. But you will get past it.
Post # 15
You are better off without him. I was just talking to someone of similar age and situation and telling them “give it time; your life is not over; you are not old; let love happen on God’s timeline.” And Tina Knowles (Beyonce’s Mom) just gave a keynote speech about her experience finding her new self and then finding love later in life. You should check it out. Maybe it will encourage you.