- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Fiance and I are going to be married May 2013. I am a social worker, he a math professor/tutor/math book writer. He works LONG hours.
I suffer from depression and anxiety already, due to working in child welfare, as well as from a past relationship that was bad. I take medications, I see a therapist.
My issue is that Fiance works all of the time. I work from 8-5, sometimes a little later if emergencies pop up. Fiance works at two universitys prob from 8-5 between the both. Mondays and Wednesday he teaches ged classes from 5:30-9 pm. Tuesday and Thursday he tutors from 5:30-8 ish depending on the needs of his clients. Fridays he’s usually done early.
we have been fighting about how much he works. Now don’t get me wrong. I know he needs to work. We decided that he wouldnt work on the weekends unless we both agree on it. for the past several weeks/months.. I should say……. He has been telling me on weekends like and hour before he has to leave that he already made plans to go tutor. It’s a continuous fight. I ask him why he didnt tell me sooner, and he makes up an excuse as to he forgot and he couldnt fit them in during the week. he also says hes worried being an adjunct professor he wont get paid over the summer and so hes trying to save as much as possible now. OKAY… reasonable.. i understand. but at what point am I important??? and at what point does he say enough is enough, i work a lot.. too much?
We have this fight every week. I don’t see him all week and then on the weekend he goes and tutors for an hour here… and hour there. He’ll tell me it’ll take an hour and it always ends up being more. I know he’s tutoring, i see the slips from the tutoring company and the pay checks he recieves.
I’M LONEY, I’M DEPRESSED, I’M SAD, SO SO SAD. WE JUST MET WITH OUR OFFICANT YESTERDAY…. he didn’t tutor all day on Saturday. yay, was wonderful. Today he asked if he could tutor for an hour because I had to prep for court for work (another reason for my anxiety…..) okkay reasonable.. he can do work while i do work, i said yes. I’m not unreasonable… I know how to compromise. he went for an hour and came back, we did laundry together… then he asked me if i wanted to go to the gym (I said no,… he asked me saturday if i would go to the gym with him on sunday…. i said no, just getting over the flu). he told me he was going and would be back soon, took a bag of gym clothes/headphones. He said he would call me on the way home to pick up dinner. okay and hour goes by i dont hear from him. i text him, no answer, i call no answer… This i find strange bc i knew he was using his phone to listen to music at the gym. some strange reason i decided to drive by the gym.. his car wasnt there. on the way home he called i asked him where he was. he said on his way home. I asked him where exactly. he said route X. I asked him why he was on route X since the gym was in the opposite direction. He said to get dinner.. I told him i was at the gym and he wasnt there. I asked him why he lied. he said he was tutoring…. I hung up the phone… I drove home crying, packed my bag. and locked myself in the bathroom. He came home I wouldnt come out of the bathroom. He said he lied to me because he knew i would flip out if he said he was tutoring. (Which is true I would because we always have this conversation about him working so much, we always come to an agreement. he says he wont work on the weekend). I’m so hurt that he would lie to me. i called my therapist, shes going to see us both this week.
I need some support. i know it seems silly to be mad at him for working.. But when i mean he works all the time. i’m not kidding. I see him one hour a day, before bed. 🙁 the depression doesnt help. he doesnt understand..
hes been appologizing but im so upset he lied to me, i would never lie to him.