Post # 1
Love my fiancee. Love that he finds me beautiful, but after discussing things with him – he’s a complete enabler and admits it!
About 3 years ago, I worked hard and lost 130 lbs. I went from 284 to 152. I maintained the weight loss quite well, I had gained maybe 20 lbs back but I was comfortable.
I met my fiancee earlier this year and he likes eating (he can eat anything and not gain weight) and he is constantly enabling me. I’ve gained THIRTY POUNDS since we met. I’m a size 16 now and he still says I am “by far” the skinniest of his girlfriends (he’s had 3 other long term relationships). He likes bigger girls, chunky, curvy, whatevr you want to call it
However, I feel miserable. I’m so upset I’ve gained weight and it was soooo hard to lose. I’m tired, I feel short of breath when trying to do too much – I constantly tell him I want to lose a few pounds and he says I don’t need to.
He does tell me that he just wants to be happy and he will love my no matter what I weigh, just prefers me like this. I don’t think he supports my idea to lose weight.
I don’t want to lose 50 lbs, maybe just 20-30 – I just want to fit into my clothes and feel healthy, you know?
Post # 3
Losing weight has to be something you do for you, not anyone else. If you feel healthier 20 pounds lighter then go for it. My SO definitely likes to eat too, so I know how easy it is to get sucked in. You’ve already lost a lot of weight in the past, so I clearly don’t need to offer advice on how to lose weight. Start gradually introducing your healthier lifestyle back into your routine.
Post # 4
I know it’s tough, but it’s not like he’s forcing you to eat the same size portions as he does.
I would try not to buy the things that tempt you the most.
Can you do all/most of the cooking? Work healthier stuff in. Even if he isn’t getting fat now, his metabolism could slow at any moment… and skinny doesn’t automatically mean healthy, either.
Post # 5
I’m really worried that you are getting short of breath doing stuff.
Be firm with him and say it’s great he loves you at whatever weight but you are doing this for yourself and your HEALTH, that it’s so you feel better health wise and also feel better about yourself.
Then make a Plan and stick to it. Call him out if he enables you.
And if he is as loving as he says he is, he will want you to take care of your health.
Post # 5
habibti: that’s tough – my Fiance likes thick girls too…and although he doesn’t try to convince me not to lose weight, he does constantly tell me he likes me the way i am, which only decreases my motivation!
Post # 6
Totally empathize on living with a crap food eating enabler. My fiance has not developed passed his dorm room college student food days, and I’m sure that if we weren’t together he’d be eating pizza or fast food 98% of the time. He drinks soda like it’s going out of style, loves candy, and hates ALL vegetables. I have a lot of work ahead of me. He’s got a little gut but other than that, not really overweight. I was a size 16 when we started seeing each other, and now I am a size 12(but I’m also 5’2″, so short and chunky, lol). I stopped eating wheat(gluten) and have also cut out soda. I’m really trying to give up most sugar as well, that’s a bit more difficult 😀 It has been hard for sure. But, I want to try and be on the healthier side, and I would actually like to lose about 10 more lbs before my wedding if possible. Cooking your own meals is definitely a big help. You can either make something you both like that is healthy, or make something you both enjoy with a slight variation that makes it healthier for you, but he can still eat the normal version. An example is when I make spaghetti I will either substitute the pasta with spaghetti squash or just pour the sauce over steamed vegetables. Even with me cooking all the time, it is really hard with the constant temptations of crap food around me. Honestly, even if your man is thin and doesn’t gain weight, he needs to know that being thin isn’t necessarily a sign of health. The crap he eats will no doubt catch up to him on the inside. He should want you to feel your best and be healthy, even if it means you can’t binge on garbage food with him or have a few extra lbs of love handles 😀
Post # 7
It could be worse. My Fiance eats sooo much and all junk food, but wants me skinny LOL
When I’m eating a spinach salad and he’s pigging out on pizza and wings I just wanna throw my salad dressing bottle at him
Post # 8
I’m not the largest girl my fiance has been with, but I am the tallest and I am larger than he is. I’ve always known my fiance prefers his women uh… “well rounded” so to speak, and I have no problem with the fact that I fit his preferences. But he also encourages me to be healthy and to be comfortable in my own skin. It sounds like you should probably let your fiance know how you feel and ask him to be more mindful of how his words make you feel.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lubeznik Center for the Arts
My fiance likes em chubby, too – I always tease her that she is a chubby chaser! She supports my efforts when I’m trying to lose weight, but always agrees heartily when I want to “splurge”.
I would say up your activity, decrease portions but still eat some of the “fun” food w/ him – I like to add a soup or salad and eat a reasonable serving of the junk.
Post # 10
Goodness putting weight back on is such a horrible feeling because you just don’t feel the same! Even the energy levels are so looooowww… at least for me. Remind him that you just want to feel better, and it would really mean a lot to you if he helped you more and didn’t just enable you. As I would tell my Fiance: I need to lose weight cause I need to be healthy… I’m not gonna die and let you date some other girl. 😉
Post # 11
If this was the other war around. Like someone basically forcing you to loose weight because he likes his girls thin, this thread would have exploded.
Talk to him and tell him what you want and how you are confortable with yourself. If he loves you, he would let you be! If he doesn’t he isn’t the one for you!
Post # 12
Fiance wants me skinny and gets worried that I’m trying to gain weight to get back into the healthy range since I’m underweight at the moment. D: He doesn’t understand I guess! PS OP- If you wanna send some weight over my way that would be kind of awesome! I’m a stick at the moment (and nope not trying to make you feel bad here. actually trying to make you feel better, because at the moment I’d rather be a bit curvy than a stick figure.) I had a classmate ask if I was anorexic today. ):
Post # 13
habibti: “Food pushing” is not cool. Neither is having someone who is pressuring you to change yourself in any way if you do not want to do it. It’s a very douchey of him to bring it up.
@AlpineBride – What a silly comment.
Post # 14
I second the concern for your health. If you can see a doctor, please do. I know people can be healthy at any size, but shortness of breath is nothing to take lightly. I hope you feel better soon.
As far as your fiancé, maybe you should discuss your boundaries and expectations with him. It sounds like you do not want him to encourage habits that cause you to gain weight, and you want him to be supportive of your desire to feel better about yourself and that should include being supportive of the healthy choices you want to put into action. That sounds reasonable.
Post # 15
alpinebride: What a ridiculous comment to make to someone who admits to feeling “miserable” about her weight. This is the gazillionth time I’ve seen you post about your underweight body in the last 24 hours. If it’s that much of a hang up for you, why don’t you start your own thread about it, rather than posting in grossly inappropriate threads such as this one and the weight loss thread? You have zero tact.