(Closed) he lives with his brothers…am i wasting my time

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My mother in law packs us a cooler full of left over food, homemade rolls, chicken soup, cinnamon rolls, fruit, every time we go visit. At first I thought it was kind of weird. I mean, we can cook for ourselves! But then I realized that his family is just really close. Maybe part of it is his mom doesn’t want to let him go, and still thinks of him as a college kid (we’re in law/grad school). Part of it is she just wants to be nice. Who says you have to cut all ties after marriage? 

I’m not saying your situation is like ours at all. But maybe step back and try to look at it as just a close family for a week, and see if your opinion changes.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

to me it sounds like the family are tight and enjoy each others company – you give no indication that the guys are complaining about spending time with their dad

 

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jedeve:

@eloping:

I have to ask you… don’t you think it’s weird that the gf’s are never included in family stuff??? Even after dating for 1.5 years???  I would have a problem with it and I feel that other bees would, too.

@jedeve: You said your Mother-In-Law packs BOTH OF YOU a cooler of food… it seems that she is accepting of you both as a couple.  When I read the OP’s story – it sounds far from it.  That is a problem.  The family should take some time to get to know the gf’s and include them in stuff.  Come on, these guys are 30!!  The parents sound like they never want the thought of their sons ever marrying.

 

 

@sexykitten: This is what I’m gathering from your post.  I’d be upset, too.  Everyone wants to be included when they are involved with someone or at least invited to functions. (unless someone on their own will wants nothing to do with the other family).

Post # 7
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

when they come down they expect the guys to spend time together (just the brothers together not including their gfs) it has gotten to the point where the father said i want you all to go out to dinner and ill pay for it. when he meant dinner he meant just the guys.

 

This is why I gathered my info….

 

You marry the man, you marry the family.  So my advice is think long and hard if you can handle/do this forever.  You can’t change any of it.  Some things may get better, some things may get worse. 

Post # 8
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t really find it weird that none of them are engaged. It doesn’t sound like any of them have been dating anyone for a period of time that would make me go “WOW why aren’t they engaged?”

But as far as the parents visiting a lot – maybe they are just bored. It sucks that they don’t “approve” of one of the gfs and now all of you (it sounds like 3?) are excluded from activities. I think that’s immature of the parents to think their approval is needed for their grown sons to date people.

It’s weird that they call all the time, BUT, FI’s dad and brother call all the time too. It’s annoying but it’s just how they do things. My Mom and I text all the time, so I can understand it. I just don’t approve when it’s during dinner or whatnot – and he knows, and doesn’t usually answer.

Post # 9
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Have you told your boyfriend that this bothers you? Do you get time to yourself?

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