(Closed) He loves me so much but I feel an emptiness from "I love you""

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6216 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I have never experienced this, but I think this sounds totally normal for someone who has been in your situation. Since you believe the sentiment, it’s just the words you have a problem with, maybe you can sit down with your Fiance and think of something else to say to each other, like your own inside joke about your love. 

Post # 4
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@echolove: I do think that it is normal to create an emotional distance between these words and your heart if they took on a hollow sense of meaning in your previous relationship. Talking to your Fiance about it might help…and texting him back with something just as ‘important’ as I love you might help matters…”I can’t get you out of my head today”, “thinking of you”, “my heart is so full today”….

Post # 5
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@echolove:  Yes this normal and if you haven’t, I suggest talking to someone about this. Eight years is a very long time to be an abusive relationship.  I also agree with Caroheart suggest about thinking of something else to say to each other instead of ILY.  Mention it your fiance and see what he says, he sounds like a wonderful man and I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 7
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@echolove:  Sounds reasonable to me.

Honestly I feel awkward saying “I love you” or hearing it because my family never said it to each other while I was growing up. You hear of the English having a stiff upper lip.. well that was my family.

I think that putting too much emphasis on those words is silly… if someone likes it then fine, but I always remind myself that actions speak louder than words.

“I love you” doesn’t really mean anything unless you back those words up with actions.

My SO shows me he loves me every day by doing kind/considerate things. Some days these things are bigger than others. I try to do the same.

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was in an Abusive Marriage for over 20 Years (Physically – Emotionally – Financially – Sexually… the works)

I LOVED my Ex-Husband very very much… which accounts for WHY I stayed so long.

Always hopeful that he’d see the light and change… and come to appreciate me, love me, the same way I did him

In the end that wasn’t to be, and I woke up one day, and realized that it was over for me…

Other than being HOPELESSLY IN LOVE with him, I was also DEAD inside (and struggling on the outside in sooo many ways)

More than 10 Years have gone by… and my Ex has infact passed away.

I am with Mr TTR now and I LOVE him very very much… because he loves me very very much, cares about me like no one else ever has (not even my parents) and is extremely intersted / invested in my well being, and WHO I am as a person.  He is my biggest fan.

I am sooo looking forward to being married to him… and spending the rest of our lives together.

BUT, I too have had my share of personal challenges in this relationship and coming to terms with being able to “accept, appreciate, and realize I deserve” this man / relationship with its unconditional love.

And that is because it is sooo foreign to me… so opposite to everything I had with my Ex who I saw as my ONE AND ONLY in life.

So ya, I think / KNOW that there are tons of challenges that come with overcoming an abusive relationship… just because it ends, doesn’t mean it is over for somone on the inside or long term.

My best advice… think about all the things that make your Fiance the incredible man that he is… and WHY you Love him.  As well as WHY you deserve to have a love like this with someone who not only loves you back oodles, but respects you for who you are.  And savour that info.  Repeat it / appreciate it every day.

And if you can’t seem to find the strength within yourself to solidify that position within your heart (but mostly your head)… then do look at going back to counselling

I am assuming here that you got some post-traumatic counselling after the abuse… because it is sooo necessary.  BUT if you didn’t, then I suggest that you call the local Women’s Network / Shelter in your area for a referral.  Truly their focussed therapy is a god-send… and from the mouths and arms (lots of HUGS) of others who have gone thru the H3LL you’ve endured and survived… to come out the other side.

And in the end that is what matters… that you can be stronger on the other side.  It is the best remedy / revenge for what your Ex took from you.

Be strong … truly the worst is long over (( HUGS ))

Post # 10
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yes, it’s normal 🙂 And anything that EVERYONE says in ALL kinds of situations can feel impersonal. I watched a film once where they had the same problem and decided to say “I cheese sandwich you”…! Pick your own I guess! 🙂 xx

Post # 11
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Stormchild:  I was going to suggest this. discuss with Fiance and make a new way of saying i love you that is unique to you two.

Post # 12
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s completely understandable.

How about focusing on how he shows his love instead? When you think of him saying “I love you” and how it’s the same words, think about all the things he does and says differently from your ex. He’s a different guy, so the same words have different meaning.

Therapy is definitely worth considering. xx

 

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @echolove:  I met my first Hubby when I was 20 while in Uni.  We married immediately after Graduation.  And split up after 20 years, when I was in my mid 40s… Divorce took over 5 horrific years (sometimes I asked myself WHY did I ever choose to leave… the abuse was at least predictible… the going thru the Divorce and all the changes / upheaval that brought to my life was not… it was a LIVING H#LL in many ways)

I didn’t get grounded again until I was in my early 50s… and even then I’m not 100%.  I honestly struggle everyday with “my issues / challenges”

I’ve suffered post marriage from a myriad of problems… Being Poor – Homeless / Couch Surfing with friends (thanks to My Ex and the H#LL he put me thru) – a Mental Breakdown – Depression – Anxiety Attacks / PTSD – OCD… the gamut

It really wasn’t until he died that I felt a true sense of relief… knowing that he could no longer bother me (he liked to harass me by phone – letters – email – getting friends to say inappropriate things to me – or his just showing up somewhere where I was)… it was heart-wretching and intimidating … I never felt like I was truly free of him.

My problems now are much less.  The big ones are gone… Homelessness – Depression – Anxiety Attacks / PTSD… but I still have my challenges to bear… having found that “repetitive routine” helped me when I was sooo lost… I have to watch myself or it could become full-blown OCD.

BUT Mr TTR is both helpful with that, and understanding.  My case is mild for the most part… so he realizes WHY I do these things.  (Difficult for me to be spontaneous, as routine helps to keep me focussed… a way that I was able to overcome Depression & Anxiety and not stay on meds etc… both of those issues being much much devastating to me)

As I said, hang in there… you can do it.  Lol, if not for yourself, then for the mere fact that the best way to get back at him (“You’ll be NOTHING without me”) is to prove him wrong !!

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 15
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@echolove:  You should talk to your fiance about it.  You are going to be married and in the long run if it effects you, it effects him.  Talk to him, don’t blow it off or sweep it under the rug.

Post # 16
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@echolove:  talk to him! I think the word “love” is so overused anyway. Use it as a fun opportunity to say it in more creative and personalized way! I’m so sorry that you were abused 🙁 I hope you’re proud that you left that horrible person to start a new life! 

The topic ‘He loves me so much but I feel an emptiness from "I love you""’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors