Post # 1
So Fiance and I have only been engaged for two days; however, this possible problem has been weighing on me for a bit now. Before we even were engaged we had talked about wedding stuff, what we might want, etc. We brought up the issue of bridesmaids and groomsmen before and didn’t know what to think. Fiance had some good friends back in high school and one in college, but they have all fallen by the wayside now. They just don’t have anything in common anymore. He works with only two other men and they are in their mid-40’s (and his bosses) so it’s not like he has guys he works with to befriend. I on the other hand have a sister, who I’m not sure I could have as my Maid/Matron of Honor or not, and then two best friends from over the many years.
My question for you….would it be weird to not have ANYONE standing up with us? Would that look bad? Have any ideas of what I should do? I don’t want my girls standing up there with me and Fiance not having anyone. He hates that he is in this position but he doesn’t know if he can count on his old friends nor does he know if he wants them to stand up with him since they really aren’t close anymore. ::sigh::
Post # 3
We aren’t having anyone stand up there with us.
You’ve been engaged two days and your wedding isn’t until next Fall…don’t rush to any judgement just yet!! Does he have any siblings?
Post # 4
Some grooms choose to have their fathers stand up there with them. Could he do that, and you have your sister? Your friends can be readers or something, to involve them in the ceremony, but not BMs so it won’t look so lopsided? I know what you’re saying, that is tough.
I also noticed that your date is sometime next fall. Since I’ve been engaged, I’ve become very close with FI’s best man’s wife. She’s been very helpful throughout the entire engagement (my friends are all single so they call me a bridezilla the second I say anything related to the wedding, so she’s been great!). Maybe your Fiance will become close with someone like that?
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2020 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman
I agree, don’t fret about this too much. I would not be weird at all for y’all to not have a wedding party. Do what feels right. If the guys he is thinking of aren’t really special to him or might not be dependable, you don’t want them involved on your wedding day! It will make it more stressful for the both of you on the actual wedding day. Maybe you can include your sister and best friends as readers instead of having them stand up with you. Or, you could just do a Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man. My brother had my dads as Best Men in his wedding, while his wife had her sisters as the MOHs. Do what feels right to you, don’t get hung up on what’s expected!
Post # 6
@Pendola: The only reason this has bothered me is because the guys haven’t been a part of FI’s life hardly at all for a good three years. He does have a brother, but they are not close by any means.
@Kitten: I think I’ll be okay if I don’t have any BMs or a Maid/Matron of Honor, but other times I think how nice it would be to have my favorite ladies up there with me. I know there are other things for people to do in a wedding, but readings we won’t have I know that for sure. We are having a short and sweet ceremony with the main thing being the vows. Nothing more.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet. We were in the same boat, my Fiance has lost touch will all his best friends from college and highschool, and didn’t feel comfortable asking them to stand up for him. Ultimately, he ended up asking his dad and his brother to stand next to him. He was also going to ask his sister.
So, does your Fiance have any siblings?
Post # 8
We had the same issue. Fiance doesn’t have any bfs nor really cares to. After several lengthy discussions where I refused to let my sister and bff since 6th grade fall to the waist side simply b/c he doesn’t have close buddies, he decided to ask his brother and brother in law to be in the wedding in order to balance the wedding party out. I told him that I didn’t care whether he had someone on his side or not, but I needed my two peeps…he wanted it to look ‘balanced.’
Sometimes what you are looking for is right under your nose or an option you originally didn’t consider. My view was ‘who cares about what others think’ especially in regards to your bridal party not being balanced. We also have two ring bearers (age 6 and 2) and one flower girl (age 9)….still not balanced.
Have fun…enjoy being engaged!!! Congrats!
Post # 9
We didn’t have anyone stand up with us and I am 100% happy with that decision. At the ring exchange, where we needed somebody to hold the rings for the priest to bless them and someone to hold my bouquet, we just had our moms come up to the altar. Best. Decision. Ever. Plus it was really special to just have us standing there at the altar all by ourselves for the majority of the ceremony. 🙂
Post # 10
I am having 4 girls and my fiance is having his brother and best friend. So we are off in numbers, but I don’t mind. I think if you want your girls with you go for it. But you don’t need a wedding party anyways. A lot of people don’t have bridemaids or groomsmen anymore, so whatever choice makes you happy is what you should do. If you don’t have a wedding party, at least you don’t have to deal with everyone’s demands too.
Post # 11
Congrats, CurlySue on getting engaged! Do the wedding however it wants, it should reflect how you 2 want to share your vows, it doesn’t HAVE to be a certain way. Don’t stress out about it too much. YOu can for sure have your girls do some other things in the wedding.
And, to lighten it up a bit, consider renting "I love you Man" which is a movie about a couple with this exact situation- the groom then goes on a series of man dates to find some dude friends. It is so funny!
Post # 12
We chose to have only my sister stand with me as Maid/Matron of Honor and his brother stand with him as his Best Man … plus a ring boy.
Will you have a ring boy or flower girl?
Post # 13
Fiance wasn’t going to ask his friends to stand up, b/c it’s a destination wedding, and he didn’t think they could come. Of course when he told them about the wedding in Las Vegas, the boys were all in. That being said, we’ve still decided to stand alone. For us, it’s kind of a private moment. We don’t mind a few watching, but it’s really about just us.
Post # 14
Thanks ladies! Fiance does have a brother, but they aren’t close. He doesn’t even have his brother’s phone number–that’s how close they are. He loves his dad but I don’t think he would ask him to stand up with him. We’ll see what happens. I know I have a lot of time to think this all through, but it was on my mind so I thought I would put it out there. I have no problem with uneven numbers (two on my side, one on his) or whatever, but I just think it would be odd for two or three on my side and none on his. I don’t know! haha Not gonna stress out about it.