(Closed) He pees when he’s drunk

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 32
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My fiance did this. For two years, every once in awhile when he would go out with his partying friends he would have a few too many and sure enough I’d wake up to him changing the sheets in the middle of the night.

 

It happened for the last time last night. I’m calling off the wedding.

 

It isn’t a peeing problem, it is an immaturity and drinking problem.

 

He is 31, it’s disgusting and I am no longer willing to lie, cover up the fact that he can’t control his alcohol and make appropriate choices.

 

At Christmas he peed on my new sheets, last night he peed all over our new king sized bed and king sized sheets. I feel like I’m living with a 2 year old. It’s disgusting. I told him he is an alcoholic and needs to get help and that it is unrealistic for him to expect that he can ever have more than 3 drinks and not expect to pee the bed.

 

I’m done playing mommy to this one.

Post # 33
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is a medical condition. One in like ten people have it. It highly likly that its something he cant seriously control. He can manage it better. I have friends who have gotten drunk and pissed the bed but i also have friends who have serious medical issues ,with their bladder that are triggered by alchohol, caffine and being exhausted. Even if it is a medical issue, he needs to step up and clean it all himself. It can be embarrassing but it sounds like it needs to be addressed. he prob just runs away after cuz he doesnt want to face it.  If he hasnt seen a doc. he prob should but they wont be able to give him anything. just let him know how he can control it better.

Post # 34
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

just realised this thread is super old…

Post # 35
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

Oops, me too!

Post # 36
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

you said that you haven’t made him feel bad about it, and i get that it is a nice thing, but it is time you go nuts. it is NOT accepable that he pees on you whether he controls it or not. he can sleep outside, in a hotel room or on the floor and clean it himself if he feels like getting drunk. but DEMAND that he fixes it.

Post # 36
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
12345678:  Although children do this often, if an adult pee’s during the night this should be taken as a sign of a serious problem.

He should see a doctor.

The OP says that he’s not an alcoholic, so why are so many relies about him drinking.

Post # 37
Member
599 posts
Busy bee

My Brother-In-Law does this. It’s not a medical problem, he’s just a drunk. Whenever he drinks to excess he loses control of his bladder. My SIL has been pissed on more times than I can even count. It’s disguting. No grown man should be drinking to the point where he can’t control his bodily functions. Time to grow up. 

Post # 38
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
12345678:  Are you dating my best friend’s boyfriend? Lol…he does the SAME EXACT thing. He peed in her brand new Marc Jacobs tote (thinking it was a toilet) and that was the final straw. (This was back during our college days).

I agree with everyone else that he needs to control how much he is drinking. My friend didn’t feel like she should tell her boyfriend what to do (they had recently started dating at the time), but what she DID do was:

1) line their mattress with a plastic liner (yep, the kind that you put on a toddler’s bed)

2) whenever they got home, she made sure he went to the bathroom

3) after he went to the bathroom, she walked him to bed and REFUSED to sleep in the bed with him when he was drunk (she would take the couch, so that he couldn’t pee on it and if he had an accident he would only pee in the plastic-lined bed)

4) the reason I am sharing 1-3 on here is because he was so embarrassed that she had to do all of this that he eventually got his drinking under control and this issue went away. She says he still has an occassional incident after a big night out but it’s no longer a real issue.

 

Hopefully he can put some good habits in place and start to control his drinking. Sorry you’re going through that, I’m sure it’s annoying 🙁

 

Edit – I also just realized this thread is super old. Didn’t read all the way through. whoops!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by  Laur12.
Post # 39
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

i’ve heard of a friend saying that he’ve had someone that got drunk at his place and … pooped

Post # 40
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I have this problem. There’s no singular diagnosis. It can be a medical problem, alcohol abuse, deep sleeper (especially when relaxed by alcohol)…or a combination of several. No one on this board can diagnose it and therefore any finite advice should be reserved. For me, I was a bedwetter as a child and it continued into college – decreasing in frequency (how often) but increasing in intensity (how much when it does happen – natural since I was growing). Doctors never were able to diagnose – everything seemed physically adequate. In my 20’s it almost entirely stopped. Almost meaning it still occassionally occurred albeit rare (couple times a year). HOWEVER – it was almost guaranteed to occur when I drank. Like a previous commenter – it occurred with beer but not liquor. It wasn’t a drinking problem – it wasn’t blackout experiences etc. Sometimes I was barely tipsy (3-5 beers) so it wasn’t a volume issue.

Here’s what I believe is the problem FOR ME. After and LTR disnintergrated I started seeing a therapist. She raised my awareness of the stress that I carry. We specifically talked about the bedwetting – both as a child and an adult. She focused in on the drinking as that was the one variable that seemed to be a 100% predictor of the issue as an adult. She asked things like “what kind of a person are you when you drink” etc. I become more social, more laid back, and much more jovial. I laugh a lot. Some are angry drunks – I’m the exact opposite. After assessing several considerations she determined that even minor amounts of alcohol allowed me to set my stress aside. This also allowed me to sleep deeper. That’s where the bedwetting comes in. It all made sense. I drink a lot of water normally and on nights I don’t drink it’s not uncommon to wake up at 3-4 to go to the bathroom. On nights I drank, I consumed less fluids. So it wasn;t a volume issue. On normal nights (no drinking) I often (more than not) find myself laying awake in bed thinking and pondering. Usually exercise early evening and limiting my mental stimulation (no heavy reading, no work, no news etc) around bedtime helps this a lot. This also helped explain how this was happening with no physical reason for it to occur.

So, how do I manage it? I’m an extremely lite drinker to begin with. However, when I do drink I limit it even more. Not because of impariment but rather I gauge my level of relaxtion. The less inhibited I get the more I realize that the chances go up for wtting the bed. There are other ways to relieve stress besides drinking anyway 🙂 However, there’s always those times that I’m in a social environment and having a great time. I’m less dilgent about monitoring myself. Also – aside from those nights I do wet the bed on rare occassions without alcohol, although very rare. So on nights that I relax enough to make wetting the bed a probability, I do wear a diaper to bed. It’s not a big deal to me or my wife. I’ve dealt with diapers virtually my whole life. If there were other issues – like abuse of alcohol, immaturity etc – I’m sure my wife would be unnerved. But there’s not. I don’t look to her to manage this, clean anything up etc. She’s very understanding and appreciates the fact that I deal with this responsibly. In my situation being diapered is the responsible thing to do and when viewed through that prism it’s not an issue. She may gently remind me on those nights to put my diaper on when we go to bed but that’s about it as far as her involvement in managing this. Wearing diapers MAY NOT be the best solution for others as the cause may be different (i.e. alcohol abuse, medical issue with bladder, blood sugar issues etc). I’d encourage anyone dealing with this to figure out the true cause.

For those that take issue with the management aspect of this if it’s determined to be something other than alcohol abuse…I’d say everyone is impaired when drinking even minor amounts. We encourage people to manage themselves. We’re supportive of people making the choice to not drive after drinkign etc. These are management methods to accomodate moderate drinking. Why should managing bed wetting be any different (assuming it’s not symptomatic of an alcohol abuse issue) ??? The more I read responses like some of the ones on this thread, the more I’m reaffirmed (although I don’t need to be) of how fortunate I am to be in the relationship I’m in.

This is an aged thread. I hope the OP and her husband have figured out why this happens and have found a management solution that works for them.

Post # 41
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Two things I should’ve added to my post…

(1) It’s obvious – but peeing before going to bed. Gentle reminders ESPECIALLY if they’ve been drinking helps. Again, it’s not being his mom, it’s being his partner. We gently remind people they shouldn’t drive. This is no different. Our judgment is impaired with oderate amounts of alcohol. Being compassionate isn’t creating a dependency.

(2) Ironically – drinking water before bed after drinking alcohol has helped me a lot. I feel better in the morning and SOMETIMES it provokes me to wake up during the night to use the bathroom rather than waking up in a wet diaper. Sometimes I wake up at 3-4 to use the bathroom and my diaper is mildly damp. I go to the bathroom and change my diaper. In those scenarios I almost always wake up in a dry diaper.

If you go the diapering route, treat it the way you would a child. Meaning – use powder etc. I do get diaper rash sometimes. Powder helps. I also keep A&D and Desitin for treating diaper rash. You’ll essentially need all the supplies that you need for children. They also sell adult onesies (not the footed pajamas, but actual onsies with snap crotches). These are extremely helpful. The keep my diaper where it needs to be. There’s no sense in being in diapers and not having them serves their purpose if you don’t keep them in the place they need to be. The snap crotches make changing in the middle of night easier should you need to be put in a fresh diaper. There are a lot of resources to help explain the best way to deal with adult diapering. Things like using booster pads for heavy volume wetters etc. I use 2 booster pads in my diapers. I use disposable diapers (Abena brand) as well as cloth diapers (both pin on and ones that are velcro). If you use cloth diapers you’ll want to use plastic diaper covers. JUST some FYI’s, maybe Too Much Information but I’m sure there are people mature enough to see this as helpful advice and that may appreciate the honesty.

Post # 42
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’d tell him “look, you got two options. Control your drinking or carry along a depends.”

I’d likely slow my drinking over wearing adult diapers.

Post # 43
Member
3030 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My father did this growing up after binge drinking on the hard liquor. We would come down at night to find him aiming in the kitchen sink, the corner of the couch, corner of my mom’s bed, or out the window…unfortunately my father was an alcoholic so his issues never really got fixed. 

I think there’s two options for you:

a) no more drinking period if he can’t learn his limit or deduce what type of alcohol makes it happen

b) he can wear diapers before any major event where drinking is planned

Point blank he is too old to have someone having to clean up his pee. He is too old to be peeing on someone. 

Edit: apparently someone necrobumped this so disregard. Ancient thread is ancient.

Post # 44
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
soymilk:  necrobump – new term for me. sorry, it was my fault.

 

Quick question on your suggestion 2 – are you saying he should wear a diaper to the event? If this isn’t about alcohol abuse, how would that be effective? Requesting him wear a diaper at a time that he doesn’t need it seems harsh. Should he not moderately / socially drink simply because he needs a way to manage it while sleeping later that night? Of course this only applies in a scenario where it’s not alcohol abuse.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  popp.
Post # 45
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
anonladygrace:  agreed – if it was about alcohol abuse you’d think most people would slow their roll on the drinking (and hopefully seek the help they need to resolve the problem). I think OP stated it wasn’t. It may be that he does control his drinking but still wets the bed:/

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