(Closed) He 'proposed' 10 days ago- And now doesn't talk about it anymore at all

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

sapphire88:  Would he be the kind of guy to be surprising you with something on Valentine’s Day? If so, I would wait until after Saturday to bring it up again. 

Post # 18
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Are engagement rings normal and standard where you and he are from?  This sounds to me like you have one “vision” of an engagement and he has another.

You need to hash this out with him.  You need to have a discussion and arrive at a solution: either you are or aren’t engaged and you will or will not be getting a ring.  It seems like he is being pretty clear based off what I’m reading but you seem to have things you still want to hash out.

Post # 20
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

First of all– if you are still invested in making this relationship work then you need to be patient. I went through a similar situation where I was somewhat impatient to get engaged, but my fiance really just needed time to wrap his mind around it. Take a moment with him to get everything off of your chest- but before you do– tell him that you don’t expect him to respond right away but you hope that he will when he is ready.

Post # 22
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sapphire88:  If he knows it is important to you and doesn’t care, that says it all right there.  I’m sorry but I don’t get “super excited to spend his life with you” vibes based off of what you’ve said. If I was in your shoes I’d sit him down and talk until we had answers for the following: 1) Is it actually an engagement 2) When will the wedding be 3) Are you getting a ring.  If you don’t like the answer to any of those questions you can either accept it or leave.

Post # 23
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

For the record, I think everyone deserves to spend their life with someone that matches their level of enthusiasm for big things like this.  If you can’t wait to get married, you deserve to be with someone that can’t wait to get to the altar.  If someone thinks it’s just a sheet of paper, it is more fair to their partner if they think the same way.

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  Consultette.
Post # 24
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee

I think I may be a bit black and white on this subject but it’s because I’ve been in long term relationships with 3 different men, all of which didn’t really feel the “need” to get married or at least not for some time. What I learned is that there’s nothing you can do if he’s on a different page than you. No amount of talking will force him to change his mind or do anything faster. He has to do that on his own. He either will or won’t despite any discussions. And if he does decide to go forward based primarily on your urging, well…how bad did he want this to begin with? And how will that affect things going forward? Will he eventually be resentful? Will he feel mediocre about the whole thing? These are not things you really want.

He knows how you feel. You owed it to yourself to talk to him and you have. The only thing you can do now is decide to wait to see how it unfolds or think about moving on so as to find someone as marriage minded as you are. I know it’s frustrating and hurtful. But put the shoe on the other foot. If you were the one that didn’t want a certain thing (or needed space to think), how would you feel and what would you be inclined to do if your mate kept bringing that very thing up? It usually pushes one away and becomes a sore subject. 

There’s something to be said for the old saying “actions speak louder than words.” See what he DOES with the feelings and information you’ve given him. Just keep in mind that this commitment thing isn’t quantum physics and shouldn’t be so hard…especially when compatibility in thoughts about future direction is present.

Post # 25
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s one thing for two people to mutually agree to stop a discussion so they can cool off before continuing later. It’s another thing for you to want desperately to talk to your partner about something but be so scared of his unreasonable reactions that you count out how many days you can make yourself wait before trying to talk again. How will you guys work as a married couple if you can’t even communicate about getting married? Stop dancing around the issue and catering to his bullshit. If you want to talk about rings and a wedding plan, just talk to him about it. It is simply not acceptable for him to get mad and shut you down without a good reasonm so if he starts BSing again, stand up for yourself and tell him that! You are not acting like you think your thoughts, feelings and desires are as important to the relationship as his. But they are.

Post # 26
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You wanting “HIM” to bring it up again isn’t going to make it happen. You need to get over that first. Then you need to bring it up again.

Post # 27
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like he feels pressured into marriage so he asked. Now he may be thinking it over or cold feet.

Ask him again.

Post # 28
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What exactly does waiting 3 days before you talk to him achieve? You’ll get work yourself up,thinking about it for another few days. Just talk to him now, you clearly want to. 

Post # 29
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It sounds like the two of you are on way, way, different pages. That’s no way to begin a life together. To be honest, he doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about getting married. Yes, there are some tax benefits (which are great!) but that shouldn’t be what excites him the most. Marriage isn’t something you can compromise on and sort of meet in the middle.

Post # 30
Member
3892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2007 - City, State

sapphire88:  I dont mean to be rude but honestly, he doesn’t want to marry you. That’s what it sounds like in all his actions. I think I’d have a serious talk with him. And decide, if he never married you is that okay for you? If not, it’s time to think about maybe leaving. 

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