(Closed) He 'proposed' 10 days ago- And now doesn't talk about it anymore at all

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 47
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

sapphire88:  aww.. Sorry to hear… I hope he comes around! Let us know what happens after you have that last talk with him…

Post # 49
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If this is how he deals with life changing events, do you want to deal with this for the rest of your life?

What if you told him you were pregnant, would he take 2 weeks to comment on it. What if he wasn’t happy about it? What if you had to move for a job opportunity.

Just throwing these thoughts out there.

Post # 50
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

sapphire88:  Sighs! 

Young Bee, I think that sometimes actions speak LOUDER than words.

I had an ‘ex-boyfriend’ who behaved similarly. Not in refrence to marriage, but in refrence to an official public relationship. He would say ‘okay let’s make it official… let’s put a title on our situation. I am your boyfriend’.

Then he would not use the term again, for weeks, and get moody. Then he would break up with me because he needed time to think about what he wanted. We went through this cycle for YEARS! 

I personally think it is clear what he is saying. He likes the relationship the way that it is. If YOU don’t like it you have 3 choices. 1) Put your CONCISE expectations on the table and decide what to do after he responds. 2) Say nothing and remain dissatisfied. 3)Just leave things the way they are and accept the relationship for exactly what it is right now with no further expectation.

Up to you, young Bee, up to you! Wishing you the best! ♡♡♡

Post # 51
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sapphire88:  Wtf? If my husband changed his mood just like that, without warning, I’d be standing there in the doorway demanding an explanation until he gave me one.. and I wouldn’t care how much it would piss him off.

Why do you have to wait for a good moment to talk to him? Just say to him ”So when are we getting married then?” If he shuts you out, tell him you deserve to be with someone who knows what they want and doesn’t string you along, back and forth, and dump him.

Post # 52
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

This marriage talk won’t be the only hard discussion you will have in your life. It’s one of the first. If it’s not working out then how do you think all other important conversations will go? It’d drive me crazy to be with someone who instead of trying to figure out why I was so sad was suddenly mad at me and shutting me down. I am willing to guess you wouldn’t do that to him if he was sad.

Like everyone else has said, talk to him frankly and openly. If he can’t do it then LISTEN to what his actions are saying.

Post # 54
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

sapphire88:  

 

I dunno, it seems like it’s not uncommon that men think marriage is just a piece of paper and don’t want to go through the trouble etc etc.  My now Darling Husband have the same issue but we are very upfront about it from the beginning.  He doesn’t believe in marriage BUT if he does get married, divorce is not an option. He does not believe in divorce…and if there are problem, we will fix it… 

I make it very clear that I don’t want to bully him in the whole wedding/marriage thing but it’s important to me. IF he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, marriage is a must. I am not going to live with anybody as a girlfriend or let alone buying a place together as a girlfriend… that’s my preference and my bottomline. 

Sometimes, you can love someone so much but reality is, loving someone but able to spend the rest of the life together are two different things.  Sound like your Fiance feels like he is being bully into the whole thing that he doesn’t want to change current situation…and marrige is very important to you…….. 

there really have no solution other than give it one last talk (calm and logical talk) with him and be honest with your feeling and lay down what’s your action plan and what is it important to you ………..make it very clear… if he get angry again and defensive, I’m sorry, he is not the guy for you. Time to move on and start a new life with or wtihout a man 

 

I asked my Darling Husband once shortly before our wedding day… why is he marrying me if he does not believe in that piece of paper .. he told me this “Married or not should not change the way he love me. However, he knows this is important to me and he wants me to be happy. So he is willing to give me the wedding I want and will be official with me” 

 

I hope this will help… 

Post # 55
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

sapphire88:  Glad you had a talk. To me, it seems very similar to the previous talk you guys had. It doesn’t seem that you got the resolution you were looking for. 🙁 Hopefully you guys will come to a concise decision, an actual literal resolve on how to move forward in a way that satisfies you both. 

Ultimately it is your life and I hope all works out exactly as it should. 🙂 Be well and take care! Xo

 

Post # 56
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s great you guys finally talked but I would seriously recommend you guys do some pre-marriage counseling before you get married.  It sounds like there are some communication issues and those are not going to get better once you are married!

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