Post # 1
My SO asked me to marry him tonight, and he didn’t really have a ring or anything. Weve been together for 5 years so honestly i was kind of surprised that he didn’t, but I’m ok with it. Naturally I was curious and excited so I started talking about the ring and how much the budget would be for the wedding and he is saying that he just feels real pressured now.. I feel ashamed for even talking about it with him and embarrassed putting a thread on here but I just don’t know why he would be acting so sour about it now when earlier he was being so sweet? I know he wouldn’t have asked me unless he meant it so what’s the deal?
Post # 2
that’s very alarming. Why would he ask and then expect you to not talk about it? I would be just as confused as you are.
When my husband asked me to marry him after 8 years it took me about two weeks to start planning. When I asked some basic questions he was surprised I wanted to get moving on the wedding so quickly. I told him “if you wanted a long engagement you should have proposed five years ago”. We got to planning and have now been married 2.5 months.
I’m getting red flags from your post. Sounds like he asked to shut you up but isn’t actually ready to get married.
Post # 3
Have you been talking to him about engagement or marriage lately?
Cos it does sound kinda odd that he would propose but feeling pressured next.
Post # 4
I would be confused, too!!! I would ask him directly if you are engaged or not. If yes, what is the timeline for the ring and the wedding?
Post # 5
It sounds like maybe he wanted to get engaged and married BUT without a ring. That’s fine, but he should be having a discussion about it, not shutting you down.
Post # 6
Was he talking about theoretically wanting to marry you, or did he say will you marry me?
Post # 7
We need more details! Explain how it happened….
Post # 8
To me it sounds like he asked you to marry him and you almost immediately launched into what kind of ring and how much will our budget be…. instead of maybe just enjoying the moment for awhile?
Maybe he heard “YES and now here’s a boatload of money we have to spend!” That could definitely make someone feel pressure.
Post # 9
Ummm…he proposes with no ring and them he’s taken aback by you discussing wedding plans? What the hell is he expecting? I agree with PP – I’d ask him if we were really engaged… And then promptly explain what being engaged means.
Post # 10
Have you talked about marriage before? And did he do the whole speech and get down on one knee thing? I wonder if you could have misunderstood his discussion of the topic as a proposal. My fiancé definitely asked me “do you want to get married” over a year before our official proposal.
Post # 11
Yeah, I can see katebluestone :
‘s point, and I’m hoping for your sake, OP, that this is exactly what happened.
Your Fiance might have asked you to marry him thinking that was the big deal and he might have been surprised that things moved so quickly to what in his eyes could have been money and money and money.
However, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and you must not let his reaction make you feel ashamed. You did the normal thing of going into planning mode and ring thoughts. Please let go any shame, it’s simply not appropriate.
Post # 12
What are your ages? If you are both younger, that would explain a lot. Is he financially able to purchase a ring and get married? Or was this more like something he wanted to do in the future?
Post # 13
Context is missing. Was he on his knee “will you marry me?” Style, in conversation “I want to marry you?”
Otherwise, I’m with @katebluestone on this one.
Post # 14
Well tbh, when my Fiance asked me to marry him, pretty soon after I went into wedding mode, doing research etc. and he was a little freaked out too. I don’t know how your situation happened, but I think some guys don’t want to think about starting to plan the wedding right after getting engaged.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
More details needed bc this sounds strange. Even your mention of a mostly proposal is confusing. Either he did or he didn’t. So if you could explain exactly how this mostly proposal happened that would help.