Post # 1
so let me start from the begining.
we have been a couple for 8 months and have been friends for 11yrs
we cuddle up in bed and frequently talk about our future together and how we know we are going to end up marrying each other.
he would bring up marrage often, as if he were testing the waters for my reaction to the thought of forever with him.
well we were cuddling up in bed and he brought up marrage again. he asked me if i was ever going to let him marry me …i was joking with him like i usually do and told him no. i was under the impresion that this was just the same old conversation we have had over and over again.
we he was like, “why not?” don’t you love me? “
yes i love you and i know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives i just don’t get what the big deal is, im trying to sleep lets talk about it later.” i was still under the impression this was just another one of our nightly future talks.
well he doen’t let the subject go, “im trying to as you the most important question here, im being serious. will you marry me?”
well, i feel like an idiot for thinking that it was just another regular convo and then one thing lead to another and then after we are all cuddled up and he tells me how much he loves me and that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
well he insisted that we announce our engagement and every wants to see pics of the ring 🙁 but i don’t have one. i don’t feel like im actually engaged because there is no ring and i have ppl all the time who are like i didn’t kno you where engaged and they ask about the ring…it never bothered me until ppl insisted on seeing a ring help? am i wrong to feel sad about not having a ring? or wrong in feeling like i don’t feel engaged because there is no ring? li don’t even feel like planning my wedding 🙁 its just depressing some times
Post # 3
Its okay to feel jealous, but don’t let society ruin such a beautiful thing!
Sounds like you aren’t really ready to marry this guy if you are sad and depressed….Most girls here on the waiting would kill for a guy to be doing what yours does- ring or no ring.
Post # 4
I wore a CZ for years and didn’t have a ring to show people at first. Go ring shopping if it’s important to you and stop stressing about it.
Post # 5
@shawndy: Well why didn’t he get the ring for you? Is it because of money, or because the proposal was spontaneous, and he didn’t pick it out yet?
Ask him. Tell him that you want to go pick out your ring.
Post # 6
Aw hun, let me tell you something. A ring shouldnt represent commitment. You and your now Fiance ( and you should feel thrilled to say Fiance lol ) are in love and want to start a marriage together, share a life forever. Who knows, maybe hell get u a ring down the road? but dont be sad, Its ok. A ring isnt a sign of engagement–
Post # 7
Well… it’s not about the ring!
It’s about how you two feel. Maybe he’s just so excited to get all these things underway, that he doesn’t want to wait to get a ring, or wants you involved in the process.
I’m the exact opposite, my boyfriend won’t say “officialy” engaged until the ring is on my finger. I’m pretty sure he’s stashing it as his parents too… le sigh.
Post # 8
Is a plan in the works for a ring? If someone asks about it, just tell them you guys are in the process of picking one out but didnt think the ring was absolutely necessary to start planning the wedding.
Post # 9
It just strikes me as strange that you never posted anything about talking to him about it.
Like if this is something important to you, then pony up, and ask! “When are we going to be going to look at rings together?” “Do you want a man-gagement ring? I’m just so excited to get my engagement ring!”
Ask. Communication. This is what being engaged is about. Not diamonds and picture posting on facebook.
Post # 10
My engagement began w/o a ring and we are beyond happy, so don’t sweat it! Just tell them you’re having it sized, if you feel you need to say anything.
Post # 11
I’m super confused. First I’m feeling like part of this story is missing — any guy knows that presenting a ring when proposing is the cultural, traditional norm, so if he didn’t have a ring at the time, you’d think the subject would have at least been brought up.
Secondly, I’m confused about whether or not you actually feel ready/want to marry him, mostly based off you saying, “yes i love you and i know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives i just don’t get what the big deal is…” and explaining that you have “nightly future talks” (that sounds like that would be kind of annoying, to me at least) during which you always “joke” with him about how you don’t want to marry him, etc. Is there any truth to that? Were you kind of bamboozled into an engagement here that you weren’t really wanting?
Post # 12
Omg this is almost exactly how my SO proposed to me also! I thought he was just talking about it like he always would. I didn’t have a ring for a long time.
I think your SO was probably caught up in the moment, full if love for you in his heart that having a ring just didn’t seem necessary to him at the moment. I didn’t get a ring for a long time but that it’s only because I didn’t think I needed one. not until I realized I really wanted an ering did I get one. And that is only because I asked him. And I picked out a date when we both went ring shopping. I will say that when I got my ering it all felt so much more official.
Post # 13
When my Fiance proposed there wasn’t a ring. 2 weeks later I got a cz and wore that for while until I got a moissy solitaire which I wear now. Now that he has the budget he wants to get me something nicer, something that I fell in love with when we first started looking so I am getting that ring soon, 3 months before our wedding.
The thing I suggest is to ask, I mean, what is the point of being depressed about it when it’s something you should really talk to him about? I don’t mean to sound rude at all, I just mean that you should get a ring eventually so why not start looking now and discuss budgets and what not with him? If he hasn’t made clear what his budget is and why you haven’t looked at rings then you should bring it up. Not having a ring isn’t that big of a deal when it comes to showing people, I just told people when I didn’t have one, that I couldn’t make up my mind since he wanted me to pick it out, so we were going to wait until I found one I liked. This broke the awkward-ness that comes along with not having one, at least for me it did.
Keep your head up though and don’t feel sad about it, this is a wonderful, exciting thing! Get a placeholder ring for now and I promise it will feel a little more “real” until you get your actual ring. Then you at least have something on your finger to make you feel comfortable.
Post # 14
Sounds like you are second guessing your relationship. My Fiance proposed to me without a ring because he couldnt afford then he went and got me a beautiful ring once he could afford. A ring should not signify your committment to one another. It is seen under gods eyes as soon you will become one. If you love this man and he is your bf of 11 yrs let nothing come in between that.And as far as the ring if it is that much of an issue go get a cubic zirconia so that you can feel that part of the relationship. But if it doesnt matter be blessed and happy that he is willing to spend the rest of his life loving you. Keep in mind dont block your blessings he could be saving to get you a nice 2 carat
Post # 15
It was both money, and spontaneous …he says he was thinking about it all the time and that he just couln’t go any longer without speaking his mind and asking me 🙂 hes so sweet ..it totally caight me off gaurd and i serioussly thought we where just having another regular conversation…he would jokingly ask me all the time while we where talking about our futures…i just thought it was a normal convo…plus it was 3am and i was half asleep ..we would talk about getting married a lot..as the saying goes “when you know, you know” shortly after moving in with him i got laid off and was out of wrk for 3months and the took a heck of a toll on both of our bank accounts…and he has taken me window shopping to see what i like and what i don’t like …and i am happy without a ring until i get those caddy women who make their comments about wanting to “see the ring”, or the “oh, he didn’t even get you a ring?” or “so your technically not engaged” comments …all the comments have started getting to me lately it never bothered me until they started becoming more frequent as the news of our engagement is spreading
Post # 16
thanx for the great advice…i just can’t believe how rude some women are and it seems like the rings what it’s all about …i love my fiance with all my heart and i am sooo greatful for him and i don’t know where i would be with out him. and as cliche as it sounds we really do balance each other out. i know that if there weren’t money issues that i would have a beautiful ring …it just gets hard some days after i get to deal with these caddy women that ask me about the ring or make their rude comments…i over heard two of my co workers talking as i was walking away and one of them said “she must not mean that much to him if he didn’t even get her a ring” and the other agreed, it just rly hurt my feelings and got me down about the whole thing