(Closed) He proposed…but my parents dont know…Help?!?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sunangel08:  Wait your fiance is physically abusive or your parents are?

Post # 4
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance didn’t ask my dad.  After we got engaged we popped over to his house and I was like, “Daddy, J asked me to marry him!” (I didn’t know he didn’t know).  My dad was a little taken aback but was happy for us.  We got engaged on Christmas morning…

My Future Mother-In-Law didn’t know that we were getting engaged either and we did the same thing with her as my dad.  We showed up to Christmas brunch and we announced we were engaged.  My Future Mother-In-Law and SIL thought we were joking, so they laughed and ignored us (I could have punched both of them for doing that).  Took about 10 minutes of convincing before we got congratulations.

Either way…moral of the story is, even if your Fiance didn’t ask your dad, he will still be happy for you too.  If he’s not, then it’s his decision.  Your future life does not rest upon your fathers opinion. 

I hope your family will be happy for you!

   

Post # 6
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I don’t think you need to give them the power to give you their blessing.  Share your happy news!  The train has left the station and their choices are to get on it or be left behind.  In light of the history here (drama, drama, drama, it seems), if you let them think that they can derail things by not giving their “blessing,” don’t you think they might?

 

 

Post # 7
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sunangel08:  Ok just checking. In that case, it sounds like a good plan, unless you can visit sooner. I would not post it on fb or tell anyone else though (as difficult as that is) because if they hear from someone else they will probably be very upset. My Fiance didnt ask my parents and I called to tell them. They were both very happy for me, but it took quite a few minutes for them to get over the shock (apparently it wasn’t expected despite the fact that we had been together for 4 years). I do think its easier to just tell them you’re already engaged, since if your dad says no, its not like you’re going to change anything. I think it will be fairly clear that your Fiance already proposed before asking if you announce it after he asks. And that kind of defeats the purpose of asking. The only way to make your dad feel like he really gave permission is for your Fiance to propose again, or say he proposed at a different time, which I would not suggest. I’m pretty sure they will find out eventually anyways, so I would just bite the bullet and tell them you already said yes.

Post # 9
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

It seems like you might be in a cycle of drama/discord.  Your subconscious instinct might be to keep the cycle going becaue it’s what you know.   Choose to stop cycle. Look for opportunities for positive interactions (we have exciting news!  you’re the first people want to know! we’re excited for this next chapter!).  It might improve all of your relationships!  🙂

Post # 12
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

@mink:  

agree with you

OP – Don’t open the situation up to them for them to become negative. Keep it positive, but also don’t leave room for discussion – which asking for the blessing before you announce your engagement will do. It will just put you back into the cycle where you’re constantly being shaken back and forth. (Hi Mom and Dad! We invited you guys over for a BBQ because we have some really happy news to share in person! We’re engaged, and we hope you can be happy for us!) 

and if the worst happens and drama ensues (We wanted to tell you two because you are my parents, and very important people in my life. I’m sorry you feel this way, but I’m happy and this is my decision. Please respect that, even if you can’t be happy for me) 

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