(Closed) He proposed..so..Why is he acting so strangely?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Daisy4:  Weddings are scary for guys. We had a year and a half engagement and the wedding is scary.. I mean worse than a snake infested basement for even the most sure of guys. The way that I approached it is in bite sized chunks and am giving him time to deal. He is super excited for the big party now, it just took time to get used to the idea.

Post # 4
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with the above poster.  It is terrifying for men (although admittedly in my relationship I’m the one that got cold feet, lol).  It’s a big change, and maybe he needs a little bit of time/space.  I am sure he wants to marry you (otherwise he wouldn’t have popped the question), but still a big life change.

Oh and… Congratulations!!!  Laughing

Post # 5
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Daisy4:  I agree that weddings are kind of scary for guys and there’s also the fact that most guys really aren’t that interested in wedding planning. They’re not going to care about the flowers or the theme or any of the details, not like women do. I think the key to get your FH interested in discussing planning with you is to find something that he likes, like food or music, and have him look into that. My FH only gives a hoot about food and music, so that’s been his little wedding project. He doesn’t have an opinion on anything else, and we’ve been engaged for more than two years. I also wouldn’t just throw it all at him at once, he does need some time to get used to the idea that he’s engaged, he’s going to be a husband. 

Post # 6
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Fiance is the same way. He’s ok talking general concepts (church or jp, food or no food, etc.),  but if I try asking about specific things, he starts getting antsy. Because it’s so far away, he doesn’t see why it’s necessary to pick things right now. You still have a little over a year. He might not realize how far in advance things need to happen for a wedding to be planned. I finally got mine to agree we’ll start REALLY planning at the 2 year mark so that we can get what we want first.

Post # 7
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How long have you been engaged?

My Fiance didn’t really want to talk about wedding planning until we set a date, and he didn’t participate until we moved the date up by a YEAR, leaving us with 5.5 months until the big day, and NOTHING planned!

Now it’s all he wants to talk about! The wedding, and trying for a baby this summer!

I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 8
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dsagree that ALL guys are terrfied by weddings. After my Fiance proposed he turned to me and said, “why didn’t I do this earlier??” We dated for 6 + years prior to getting engaged and he was 33 when he proposed- he was ready and has not only been helpful with planning, but designed invites, std’s, and all other signage and paper.

Post # 9
6 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

Congratulations on your engagement! Just wondering, did you set the date together? My fiance was nervous and quiet because of financial reasons relating to the wedding. If your fiance only proposed a month ago and didn’t have the ring at the time he proposed, perhaps he does not feel financially ready for the wedding, especially because it’s very soon. My fiance proposed around christmas time and we are not getting married until July 2014. It’s very relaxing and we are taking our time to do research and choose vendors and such appropriately. We are having fun planning and that’s important. So, that’s my thoughts. Good luck!


Post # 10
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015


Have you set a date (I know it’s in September)? Have you picked what state/city you’ll be in?

If he’s not wanting to chat flower arrangements, don’t sweat it, but if he doesn’t want to figure out where & when, I’d be worried. 

If you do have a date & location, I think he’s just not that into planning the details. Maybe write up a category list & ask what 1) he deeply cares about 2) he doesn’t care about that much and 3) he never, ever wants to think about or discuss with you or anyone. 

If he doesn’t want to help bother planning the details, just do whatever you can handle. 

Post # 11
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My FH was the same way at the beginning.  I think it just takes time for them to adjust to the whole wedding planning thing.  It’s been 2 months since our engagement and we have 4 months to go.  FH is getting excited and he has been a big help now.  Hopefully yours is like mine and just needs time to adjust.

Post # 12
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Congrats on the engagement! I learned in one of my college classes about the differences between men and women when it comes to adulthood. And one unit was on the males perspective. And like many posters said above, the marriage process is really a huge change and scary for the guy. The guy is supposed to feel this way, because if you think about it, it is one of his last independence that he has. Because marriage is a big step, and guys unfortunately lack their feelings, I would say just let him be for a little.

He will come around eventually. If it would make you feel better, start planning a little on your own, and tell him your idea, and see what he says… hopefully it will work out.

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