(Closed) He pushed the wedding back…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know it hurts to have to push it back, but imagine how good it will feel to be able to save what you need to and have your dream wedding. 

I can speak from experience that I wish we would have picked a date a little farther out. We got engaged in February and are getting married in 3 weeks. With buying home at the same time we are so strapped for cash and stressed out about money.  There are things that I want but that I have to sacrifice because we just can’t for afford. You’ll appreciate it in the end. I promise.

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Planning a wedding and buying a house at the same time is really hard! We actually had a real estate agent tell us she won’t work with couples who are trying to buy their house and plan the wedding at the same time, because it’s just too difficult and things get crazy. We had a long engagement for just that reason – we bought our house first and then moved on to the wedding. I’m so glad we did it that way now after seeing how planning the wedding took up every last minute of my free time!

Post # 5
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Exactly what the heck has he taken away from you?  NOTHING!  You are still going to get your dress, your reception, the honeymoon and everything else.  You can still plan, shop, buy things and do research for your wedding.  I don’t get your rationalization?  Just because the date is pushed off for a few months, you are STILL GETTING MARRIED!  Unless he TOTALLY dumped you, how did he take your wedding away?  Did he say “No wedding, we’re putting the money towards the house?”  Uh …. NO!  Good lord, realize a wedding is about being married and not the fancy dress, big party, and focus on you! 

And, you are getting a house!  You should be jumping for joy!  I know so many married couples living in little flats because their weddings cost so much and they can’t afford a house quite yet. 

I think you should be grateful that your Fiance is taking your best interests into consideration.  I mean, would you really want to have to drastically cut back on wedding expenses because of house things?  Would you want to ditch your dream dress and settle for something less because you needed the extra money for the house? 

My god, there are brides here who would kill to be in your shoes — house and wedding all close together?  You hit the jackpot, sister and you should be freaking grateful! 

Post # 6
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@BanditGirl  That was a pretty mean comment.  She’s looking for comfort and understanding, not such a harsh, judgmental response.  That’s all I have to say on that.

@SoontobeMrsA Is there a reason why you all are aiming for May?  Is it really important to you to get married that month?  Maybe you can push buying the house back a little bit, or only push the wedding back an extra 6 months.  I know how disappointing it is.  When you are looking forward to something so precious and wonderful and you feel like it’s in your grasp, and then to suddenly have it pushed a year further away…that year can feel like an eternity!  I think you and your FH should sit down and discuss priorities with the house and wedding.  Maybe you can cut down the guest list and make some sort of compromise so you won’t have to save as much or for as long?  Best of luck girl!

 

Post # 7
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Shoot, we’re getting married in four and a half months and just started looking for a house.  Now THAT’S pushing it! There’s still nine months until September, if you were knee deep in wedding planning, I can’t imagine that you’d have so much left to do that you’d need to push the wedding back 7 whole months, unless it was for monetary reasons.  

Did you guys discuss this or did he just tell you this is how it’s going down?

Post # 8
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly, I agree with banditgirl…..maybe it could have been said in a “more comforting” way, springbride, but really, it’s the truth.  My fiance and I are living in a tiny $400 a month apartment right now so we can afford our wedding, otherwise, we’d have moved a long time ago.  Perhaps she needs some perspective.

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just re-read the original post, and realized it’s pushed back seven months instead of 12.  That still is a long time to wait.  I think you all should sit down and discuss the priorities of if you’d rather have a house first or a wedding.  I really, really hope it works out for you!

Post # 10
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m sorry that you’re disappointed.  The issue that jumped out to me from your post is that your Fiance TOLD you that the wedding was moved to May.  You guys didn’t sit down, discuss your financial situation, and make a decision together…he just made a proclamation and told you that this is the way it’s going to be.  I think if you two had sat down and discussed it, and then come to the realization TOGETHER that you need to push the wedding back, you wouldn’t be quite so upset about it, because you would have made the decision too.  Just how it seems to me from your original post.  

I hope you guys can talk through this so you start feeling better about it!  And while I think @BanditGirl was WAY out of line with her comment to you–the sentiment that you are still getting married and still buying a house is true…just try to focus on that!

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

It seemed more practical to get married then buy a house, or rent and save up to buy the house. I personally would have rather married my sweetheart and rented for a couple of years than push my wedding back. Renting is not a big deal especially when you know you are able to purchase soon. I am sorry but it will all work out and it will be great. It will be here before you know it, don’t get depressed over it, start putting everything together because you may get surprised and he says that you guys can do it sooner so be ready. A

Post # 12
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@ttbreath2:  Not necessarily.  The housing market plays a big role on when you should buy a home.  If you can logistically get into a home within the next year, you should, versus waiting a year or two, as the market appears to be on an upswing. 

When it comes to purchasing a home, timing really is everything.

Post # 13
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Sorry if my tongue was sharp, but her FI didn’t tell her that the wedding was off … just that he wanted to bump it.  Taking a wedding away (aka cancelling it) and bumping it are two different things. 

I’m standing by what I wrote.  In the grand scheme of things, this is nada.  She didn’t have a date, invites weren’t sent out, they weren’t locked into their venue, etc.  They had a month picked out and nothing more.  I can see her saying her wedding was taken away if they had everything lined up and he made her cancel venue, cake, etc. but that’s not what happened! 

OP, if you want that date soooo bad, then tell Fiance that you’re willing to sacrifice for it.  And DO sacrifice.  If you show whim your dream reception site and he says “No, we can’t afford it because of the house”, then  you will have to say ok and be willing to give up some of your dreams. 

If you don’t want a house, then you better tell him you’d prefer the wedding over the house.  Of course, you’ll have to be happy to live in an apartment for however long it takes to get a house. 

Post # 14
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@lezlers: agreed! 

When we bought our house, we got a lot of bang for our buck.  The housing market was totally in our favor.  If we had waited two years longer for it, it would’ve been more than we could afford.  So, I’m glad we got our house over a wedding! 

Granted, we had a tiny wedding but that had nothing to do with the house.  We were in our house for 8 years, and had been together for 10 years before we got married and had 3 kids.  The small wedding was due to the fact that a big wedding would’ve been totally inappropriate for our situation. 

Post # 15
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

 

@SoontobeMrsA: I know it sucks but it is a great time to buy! Especially since the housing market is still taking a big hit. I know seven extra months is a lot…but buying a house is pretty exciting too! You can still be looking at vendors and stuff (there is a May 2012 board already!) you are not alone! you can still shop for a dress etc…

I agree with PP that its strange that he didnt sit down and discuss finances/plans for the future and just told you the wedding was going to be postponed…that decision should have been made by the both of you after a long discussion discussing your options.

Post # 16
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@BanditGirl: I know this is completely OT but I LOVE your avatar!  That was the best thread ever!

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