Post # 1
So, I am not sure I am overreacting, but I am a little bothered/hurt by something DH said last night. We were talking about things to do with the baby coming (shopping for a bigger car, researching stuff) and I joked about assigning him research, and then he replied that he wasn’t sure that he could get into research for “your” baby … not “our” baby.
I asked him about it, and he said that the baby didn’t feel as much his as it is mine right now, since I am the only one who is feeling the pregnancy. It made me a little sad.
I am 13 weeks now. He has come to the ultrasounds, and all but 1 of the appointments so far, and I have tried to involve him in all of the baby decisions, and got him to try out some strollers and stuff.
Did anyone elses SO feel like the baby wasn’t really “theirs” early on? How/when did that change?
Post # 3
I do think you are over reacting. I don’t think it is uncommon for men to feel less bonded to an unborn child than the woman who is carrying the child. Cut him some slack.
Post # 4
I’m sorry your feeling down. I never experienced this myself but its probably not uncommon. Just tell him how u feel
Post # 5
Oh men. I am sorry your feelings are hurt. It is early enough that maybe it really doesn’t feel real to him. Even when baby comes sometimes men have a hard time with infants. Hopefully he will come around honey 😀 Happy for your bundle of joy! Enjoy this time! I have 3 little ones, ages 21, 18 and 17, lol…
Post # 6
I can understand your feelings but men are Physical creatures. They need to see it, touch, smell it for it to be “real” to them. He’s probably a bit jealous of the baby and the attention you are putting on it. He may not admit that but it’s prob true and it’s very common.
Should he have said it that way? No.
He prob doesn’t know how to relay to you how he’s feeling because he’ll be afraid you will judge him.
Post # 7
@Ms Mini: my husband said this at one point to a pregnant friend of ours (he has a son from his first marriage). “A mother falls in love with that child when she has her first pregnancy symptom. A man doesn’t fall in love until he looks in his child’s eyes.” I thought it was an intersting statement.
Post # 8
Cut him some slack, he doesn’t get to carry a child for 9 months like you do. Some men don’t get it until the child is physically in their arms.
Post # 9
My Fi said he didnt feel like a dad until he held our baby but I felt like a mom the first time i felt our little one kick… Its alot harder for a guy to let everything to sink in because he doesnt have a baby growing inside of him!
You are still early maybe it will feel more real when your big baby belly pops out 🙂
Post # 10
I have also heard this. For guys, I think it’s hard to really feel like that have a baby until they can hold it/see it/touch it. For women, we carry the child, so we can feel them from much earlier on! I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 11
I can definitely see why you are hurt, I would be! But yesterday, after our gender scan, I asked DH if he was excited, and he said “Sure! As excited as I ever was…until the baby is born, this is more your thing than my thing.”
So, it sounds like your DH could have been much more sensitive about it, but this also seems like a common theme among men.
At the same time, I don’t see any reason why he can’t help you research! There’s a LOT to do, and he’ll be using these baby things too after all!
Post # 12
Oh, I would be so upset too! I totally understand.
Post # 13
i totally understand why you’re hurt, as i would be too. but i totally agree with mwitter, i think once either (a) you’re showing or (b) the baby is born, it will seem more “real” to him.
Post # 14
There’s actually psychological research that men don’t feel like fathers until the baby is physically there. So don’t feel bad, or that it’s abnormal. 🙂 He could have explained it better, but it’s not just him. That’s really all I wanted to say, Fiance and I aren’t PG or TTC. And Congratulations on your pregnancy. 🙂
Post # 15
He is definitely a kind of guy who needs to see/feel something to believe it, I hope that maybe once he can feel movement he will feel like it is more real.
To clarify, I am not upset at him, he is entitled to feel however he feels, but it still has a certain sting to it, because I thought that after he saw baby moving on the ultrasound he was feeling a lot more real about it (he loved watching baby dance on the screen knowing that he/she is growing inside me).
He has been helpful in researching the vehicles that we are looking at, so that is something, but he can’t seem to get into the real “baby” decisions. It might not help that the first stroller system he liked in person had horrible reviews whereever I looked :0(
I am glad to hear I am not alone, I know that once the baby is here he will be great! It might just be a long wait if he doesn’t really get into it until May!
Post # 16
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. The baby started out as his sperm. It’s just as much as his baby as it is yours. There would be no baby if it weren’t for him.