(Closed) He referred to our baby as “yours” not “ours”

posted 9 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
47444 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I do think you are over reacting. I don’t think it is uncommon for men to feel less bonded to an unborn child than the woman who is carrying the child. Cut him some slack.

Post # 4
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry your feeling down. I never experienced this myself but its probably not uncommon. Just tell him how u feel

Post # 5
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh men.  I am sorry your feelings are hurt.  It is early enough that maybe it really doesn’t feel real to him.  Even when baby comes sometimes men have a hard time with infants.  Hopefully he will come around honey ๐Ÿ˜€  Happy for your bundle of joy!  Enjoy this time!  I have 3 little ones, ages 21, 18 and 17, lol…

Post # 6
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can understand your feelings but men are Physical creatures. They need to see it, touch, smell it for it to be “real” to them. He’s probably a bit jealous of the baby and the attention you are putting on it. He may not admit that but it’s prob true and it’s very common. 

Should he have said it that way? No.

He prob doesn’t know how to relay to you how he’s feeling because he’ll be afraid you will judge him. 

 

Post # 7
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Ms Mini: my husband said this at one point to a pregnant friend of ours (he has a son from his first marriage). “A mother falls in love with that child when she has her first pregnancy symptom. A man doesn’t fall in love until he looks in his child’s eyes.”  I thought it was an intersting statement. 

Post # 8
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Cut him some slack, he doesn’t get to carry a child for 9 months like you do.  Some men don’t get it until the child is physically in their arms.    

Post # 9
Member
4652 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fi said he didnt feel like a dad until he held our baby but I felt like a mom the first time i felt our little one kick… Its alot harder for a guy to let everything to sink in because he doesnt have a baby growing inside of him! 

You are still early maybe it will feel more real when your big baby belly pops out ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@mwitter80: I have also heard this. For guys, I think it’s hard to really feel like that have a baby until they can hold it/see it/touch it. For women, we carry the child, so we can feel them from much earlier on! I wouldn’t worry about it. 

Post # 11
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can definitely see why you are hurt, I would be!  But yesterday, after our gender scan, I asked DH if he was excited, and he said “Sure!  As excited as I ever was…until the baby is born, this is more your thing than my thing.”

So, it sounds like your DH could have been much more sensitive about it, but this also seems like a common theme among men.

At the same time, I don’t see any reason why he can’t help you research!  There’s a LOT to do, and he’ll be using these baby things too after all!

Post # 12
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh, I would be so upset too! I totally understand.

Post # 13
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

i totally understand why you’re hurt, as i would be too. but i totally agree with mwitter, i think once either (a) you’re showing or (b) the baby is born, it will seem more “real” to him.  

Post # 14
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

There’s actually psychological research that men don’t feel like fathers until the baby is physically there. So don’t feel bad, or that it’s abnormal. ๐Ÿ™‚ He could have explained it better, but it’s not just him. That’s really all I wanted to say, Fiance and I aren’t PG or TTC. And Congratulations on your pregnancy. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. The baby started out as his sperm. It’s just as much as his baby as it is yours. There would be no baby if it weren’t for him.

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