He said he is not attracted to me?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

missinthecity :  Aren’t needles easy to maneuver? It sounds like this guy never learned how to sew. 😉

Post # 32
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He is lying. So he can only “complete the act” with a toned woman? Give me a break.

Post # 33
Hostess
3851 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

downonmulberry :  I mean, I can’t speak for him, but HomeEc was a required class for us. 

Post # 34
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Me and my man are like two giant walruses going at it with zero issue of it “going in all the way”. This guy is shallow and will never experience the amazement of really good sex on a deeper level than just visual “perfection” the way society displays it. I’m not saying that people should just stuff their faces and not care about their bodies. But LIFE happens. I’ve lost 95 pounds while with my guy, and I’ve also had a miscarriage, grieved terribly, gotten pregnant and gained 60 pounds back. He still would want me to walk around naked 24/7 if he had his way, even with my fat, cellulite, varicose veins, floppy stomach and saggy boobs. He loves ME and is attracted to ME. I totally get having a “type”, but it’s darn true that looks fade. When you find someone you grow to love on a deeper level, you find yourself oddly enough still crazy attracted to everything about them, even their fat. I’ve been with my man for 12 years, so I understand my perspective may be different from someone in a 6 month relationship. However I was still super jiggly when we met. Find someone who wants to rip your clothes off and make your tummy flap dance, while you find yourself not caring one bit about your tummy flappin’ and dancin’. Then you know you’ve found the one 👍🏼

Post # 35
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

I was interpreting him as sort of a tater tot, rather than a needle. Apparently along with his micro junk, he also lacks creativity in the bedroom if he cannot figure out another way to make sex happen that is pleasurable to both of you. Every time you hit the gym, he should be pumping up one of those “enlargement” devices they market to your e-mail spam folders. Tell him if you are going to put in the work, it is only fair that he does too.

Post # 36
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

kayla037 :  Hey Bee, is this the same guy you mentioned on your ex-wife thread? How often does he make you feel inadequate?

Post # 37
Member
735 posts
Busy bee

downonmulberry :  

I know this is beside the point of the OP’s post, but I actually hate that quote (and I’m not even sure Marilyn Monroe said it, but even if she did, she was hardly a rolemodel for how to be in relationships…)

The people who love you the most, stick by you and support you should not have to “handle you at your worst.” We all owe it to those we love to try to be the best partners/spouses/daughters/friends that we can be.

Handle me at my worst. Give me a break. If someone I loved behaved abominably and told me I had to deal with it because otherwise I didn’t deserve their good behaviour, I’d go home and give our relationship a long hiatus.

Post # 38
Hostess
9633 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Bee, tell him that’s a shame because you’ve been trying to work with his needle dick despite his size and going soft, but for some reason you just can’t get off, weird! Maybe there’s something wrong with HIM.

For real though, time to call it on this entire relationship.

Post # 39
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

kayla037 :  people like what they like. I assume he lied to spare your feelings and self-esteem until that plan no longer worked. There’s nothing wrong with you and it’s sad that the easiest way to take it is to feel bad for yourself. Hopefully you’ll be able to move past it. But as others recommended, the first step is dumping him and finding someone who likes everything about you. 

Its easy for people to say he’s an asshole because of it but they’re lying if they say they don’t have their own preferences as well. The key is to admit it and move on rather than dragging out a relationship. You can find a good man who loves you as you are. He can find a cute little stick bug. Everyone wins. I had a friend who did this for years, hoping the physical attraction would come because he liked her personality so much. Eventually he had to admit it wasn’t happening but that was years wasted for both. Don’t waste years feeling bad about yourself. Just realize the compatibility isn’t there and move on. 

Post # 40
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

DrAtkins :  Exactly! I keep wondering why she has to be so accommodating and he doesn’t, or why he isn’t feeling insecure.  OP, I hope that registers for you. I know someone hitting you right in your insecurities can sometimes have you thinking fuzzily.

Post # 41
Member
6173 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Dude has a little dick and the nerve to insult your body?

Nah. I’d move on. It’s not worth it.

Post # 42
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

This relationship would be a big NOPE for me.  Drop this guy, find someone who loves you just the way you are and then do whatever you would like for yourself in terms of fitness. 

Post # 43
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee

You’ve had multiple concerning posts about this guy….and you’re only 6 months in!!! Why are you still with him?

Post # 44
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If he didn’t think you were attractive enough to complete the act, he would not be dating you.  He’s trying to rationalize his erectile dysfunction by blaming you. 

Dump him. His dick doesn’t work and that affects both of you. Instead of going to the doctor, he has decided to be cruel.  In this case, I also recommend being completely honest with anyone who asks why you broke up.  He’s an ass and this is not your shame to bear.

Post # 45
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

indigobee : 

99.9999999999% of the time, I hate that quote too because it’s far too often used as an excuse for basic bitches to not try and guilt others into putting up with their BS behavior after the fact. But in this specific instance, I thought it was applicable. To me, I wouldn’t view OP’s current state at her worst, but it sounds like the guy does, which is why I brought it up. Her current physical state is what he perceives as her worst, when it’s  not. If she wasn’t trying and complained about it all the time, etc. it would be different, but it sounds like she’s working on herself already. I guess my original point was this *isn’t her worst*.

I agree, we should all strive to be our best selves and no one should have to handle anyone who is negative, abusive, etc. (ex: I’m in therapy before I get engaged, for this exact reason). But it doesn’t sound like OP is bad at all, her boyfriend seems intolerant. Rather than finding someone he has chemistry with, he’s trying to make her change to fit him. Not that anyone should ***have*** to stick by anyone’s worst, or that we can all just give up, but OP doesn’t sound even half bad, let alone her worst. If he can’t be compassionate about something superficial like her weight, how can he be a good boyfriend when she loses her job or a loved one? There are worst things to experience in relationships, and OP working out and eating healthy doesn’t qualify as putting her boyfriend through anything.

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